20ish Months Later.

Travel back in time,
to the yester-years.

Josh and I broke up in April, 2009.  I spent a good chunk of time being oober sad and did a lot of crying.  I remember having to fall asleep to my iPod while watching "The Holiday", because that was the only movie that made me feel okay about breaking up.  I remember texting him on nights that were too hard.  I remember him driving over to see me, when I couldn't sleep.  I remember trying to make things work and breaking up, again and again and again.  

May 2010 rolls around, we go to Mexico together, just he and I.  Since then, I haven't talked to him. I still have days where I miss him like crazy.  My heart still hurts and I still have a difficult time dating.  But, it's obvious things wouldn't have worked out and, slowly, I'm realizing this.  

May 2009 I wrote this in my diary: 
"It's been almost a month since Josh and I broke up and I feel SO much happier now.  More like myself.  I can do what I want, say what I want, go where I want, be who I want and I love it.  I miss having him around, because he is such a great guy, but I don't miss fighting and the worry that came along with our relationship.  I feel really great about where my life is headed and I'm excited for the next chapter."

The end of May 2009 I enrolled in a CNA course.  I decided on a major and I was sticking to it.  I was loving what I was learning, I was excited about nursing.  It made sense and it made my heart happy.  Helping people is what I was good at, and what I wanted.  Why haven't I thought of this before? 

Summer 2009 I went to Bear Lake with some friends where I met Sean.   Sean made me giddy and he was refreshing.  He had all the qualities I was looking for in a guy.  He was smart, successful, strong, sweet.  He opened my door, he paid for my meals, he held me during the night.  He called me just because, he sent me flowers.  My parents loved him, my friends loved him.  I loved him.   But, I was afraid and I got scared and I pushed him away.  We dated for 4 months, then I ended things.  He wanted something I couldn't give him.  He was ready to settle down, start a family, live together.  I was fresh out of relationship, going to school, hoping to become a Nurse.   Our lives didn't match up, and I wasn't ready. 

We broke up September 2009 and I was single, again.  I hadn't been truly single since I was 17.  My longest "single" span was 3 months.  I needed to be single.  I needed to breathe, to be me, to figure out my life.  I needed some fresh air, some Callie time.  So, I vowed to myself  no more relationships. 

This time 2009, I was working at an assisted living.  I was spending a lot of time with my co-workers and I was going to school, studying Physiology.  I was hopeful about Nursing, but also very discouraged.  I had a low GPA, several classes ahead of me, and a chip on my shoulder.  I was learning who I was, what I wanted, where my life was headed. 

Fast forward 20ish months:
I'm working at my dream job.   I plan to be here the rest of my career.  I've set up my 401k in hopes of never leaving this company.   I have my CNA license and have been accepted into the nursing program.  I'm well on my way to accomplishing all my dreams. I am proud of myself.  Proud of the things I've accomplished.  Proud of where my life is headed.   

I can't believe all that's happened.
I can't believe all I've accomplished.
I can't believe how well things have worked out.

Constantly I wonder what would happen if. 
If I stayed with Josh, would we be married? Would I be happy? If I stayed with Sean, would I live in Bear Lake? Would I be the one pregnant instead of Chloe? If I wasn't single, would I still be accepted into the Nursing program? Would my grades be as great as they are now?  If I hadn't met with a career counselor, would I have picked Nursing as my major? Would I be successful?

It's amazing how things happen, how they work themselves out.

Sometimes, things seem crazy. 
Sometimes I feel like I will never get where I want to be.

But now, I'm there.    I've made it. 
I'm well on my way to accomplishing everything I've wanted.

I'm a Nursing student.
I couldn't be more happy.
And that, is success.