Mom to 4 Girls.

Here it is: My first picture with all four of my babies.

All girls.
All the time.

Bring on the glitter and the pigtails, because this shiz is about to get crazy.

People ask me all the time what I'm most afraid of when having twins.
It's really not the two-babies-at-once.   I feel like that's pretty manageable.

What terrifies me is the idea that my two older girls will feel like I don't have time for them.  I never want them to feel pushed aside, or second best. 

I find myself constantly trying to mentally prepare for four children.   How do I budget my time? How do I make each of them feel important?  How do I learn to put the less important things on the back burner? Learn to let go of what doesn't matter?   How do I make each of my girls feel like they are number one.

It seems like a daunting task and I'm afraid I am going to fall short on several occasions.    I feel like life with four is going to be a big reality check and a big life change.    And I'm real nervous.

But, I'm also really excited for this next stage.   Wrapping up the baby days of my motherhood and welcoming two new beautiful spirits into our life.   Thinking about raising 4 girls who are all so close in age and who can play together and laugh together and stay up late together. That seems like a happy home to be in.


I mean,  I always wanted my kids to be close.

...and ours are definitely close. 

4 kids in 5 years.  

...two of them on the same day.

Doesn't get much closer than that. 

Blogging from a Desktop.

EEEEEK!   My husband surprised me with a GORGEOUS desktop computer and it's set up in our spare bedroom.  Which means, I can BLOG again.   Alllllll the heart-eyes emoji.     

I feel like the last 10 blogs have been about blogging, how good it is to blog, how I'm going to try to blog more, and yadda-yadda-yadda.    But now I feel like I really can.   I have a designated space, I have a computer that's way more efficient than my little iPhone and I have the drive. 

Also, I suddenly figured out how to update and edit my about me and header, so that's exciting.   
This one is only temporary until I decide what the heck I'm doing with this little blog.   

I have dreams of being a really great blogger, with lots of readers and connecting with other women virtually.   It may happen, it may not.   But regardless, it's good to write openly, even if no one is reading.   

So--a lot has happened since my last catchup, catsup, ketchup. 

We are pregnant with TWIN girls.  Eeeek!  We have two littles at home already.  Hazel is 4 and Oakley is 2.     I am working as a hospice nurse.  Caden is working in a laboratory as a Medical Laboratory Scientist.   We are both FINALLY done with school and working normal hours.  (No more graveyards, hallllelujah!)   And we built a new home in a darling little subdivision that we really love.   

LIFE.
IS.
GOOD.

And now, I have blogging back in my life.  So, what could be better?!    Does anyone still blog anymore?  Don't know.  Don't care.    I'm here now though, and it's a good place to be. 

Hello out there.

Man, this blogger interface is WAY out of date.
My "about me" section needs an update and my header is missing our sweet kids.

I tried to update it the other night and somewhere in the last 6 years, I've lost the memory of how to update anything on this blog and the HTML coding I used to know is gone forever.  

So, alas, I'm stuck with this background and header until my memory comes back.
Which may be never, at the rate I'm going.

Gah, blogging!  It's so good to be back.   Blogging brings me such clarity and peace.  It's amazing.  Once I start writing, my head becomes so clear and my thoughts are so direct.  I let my brain just flow and then when I read it back I think "Eureka! That's it!"  

Its really quite therapeutic.

But, our laptop gets tucked away in a cupboard and we have yet to buy a desktop.   And typing a blog on a phone is really annoying.  Especially with a cracked screen like mine.

So, blogging doesn't happen as often as I would like.

I'm hoping in the real near future, we buy a desktop with a computer desk and chair.   And I can sneak away in the early morning or late at night and type all my thoughts and feelings on this little blog of mine.  

That's the dream, and it sounds so great.

I have a whole entire Pinterest board dedicated to journaling, with pen and paper.   And I drool over the pictures of people doodling and writing their thoughts and goals and dreams.   I attempted it once but became way too critical of my drawings, my handwriting, the way the colors bled on the paper.   So, I ended up stuffing the journal away in a cupboard and now it's being used for grocery lists.

So, blogging is the only way to go.   It's easy, it's fast.   I don't have to doodle and I can type way faster than I write.  

I love it.  And I love not knowing who is reading or when they read or what they think.  The anonymity is quite thrilling.

Hello out there.

Until next time--maybe tomorrow, maybe in another few months, maybe in 5 years.  
I never know when the blogging bug bites, but when he does, I like the itch.

Tired Momma.

Caden has been going to school our entire relationship.   All 6 years of it.

And he's been working graves for as long as we've had kids.   All (almost) 4 years.  

The end of that is SO close.   And yet, still seems so far away.   

I'm ready for him to be home.  With me.  With the girls.   Without homework.  And without having to nap or sleep when we are awake. 

Right now, he sleeps in his car Wednesday, Thursday and Friday.   He only sleeps a few hours at a time before he has to wake up again to go to school or work.   Graveyards at night, school in the morning, and back to graveyards at night.   He leaves Wednesday morning and I don't see him again until Saturday afternoon.

It's horrible.   

It's hard on him.   

Hard on me.

Hard on the girls.

And I can't WAIT for it to be over.  

I can't wait to have dinners together, wake up together, go to bed together.   I can't wait to have Dad home to help with morning routines, or tuck ins at bedtime.   Or time to play without any other obligations.  

Weekends are the very best.   

The VERY best.   

Caden is home and he's so very helpful.   The girls love having him around.   He plays, he's silly, he rough houses with the girls.  He helps clean the house, he cooks dinner, he helps with bath time, nap time, bed time.   He takes me on dates, he hugs me, cuddles me, holds me.   

It's THE best.  

And soon enough, that will be EVERY day.   

And I CANNOT wait.  

...until then, we continue with this bogus routine we have.   And we make it work.  

Impatiently waiting.