Looking Back.

I keep a journal that I write in each night the things I did that today.  "Class. Studied at library. Caden made dinner and we snuggled up and watched survivor."  ...or whatever we did. It's nothing fancy.   And I never write about my feelings, just what I did.  

I like to keep a journal because I have a terrible memory.  So, it's fun to look back and say "Oh yeah, we DID go to the zoo that year."  Or whatever.  This journal is different, though, because it's a ten year journal.  So each page is one day, and then each line is a different year.

November 26th

2009

2010

2011

2012

ETC.

So, right now I'm on year 3 of the journal and I can look back what I did last year on this day and the year before.   

As I'm writing last night I'm looking back at what I did last year and the year before and I'm amazed at how far my life has come.  Last year I was studying for a pathophysiology test.  I was hoping to have good grades to get into the nursing program and I spent a good hunk of my life at Starbucks.   The year before, I was dating a silly boy who I know I had nothing in common with.  I didn't have any real direction and I didn't know what it was I was looking for.

And now, I'm happier than I ever have been.  

I'm engaged to the most perfect man for me.  I'm 11 days away from graduating nursing school with my LPN.   I'm getting ready to plan a wedding, look for a house and make all kinds of big-girl decisions.  

I had to take a step backwards and thank God for the way my life has turned out.  It very easily could have taken a terrible path.  I very easily could have ended up with a man who was "okay" and settled for a job other than nursing.  I could have given up when my advisor told me I'd never get into nursing.  I could have lived a very different life and it could have happened with just a few different decisions.  And that blows my mind.

I'm super grateful that things have turned out for the very best.  And I'm super grateful for everything that has happened to get me thus far.  All the heart breaks, rough times, mean things, disappointments.  All the bad decisions, mistakes, mess ups.  All the times I didn't know what to do, how to do it, where to go.  All the times I was confused, torn, upset.  All the times that I struggled. 

And mostly thankful for all the times I succeeded.   All the times God directed me down the correct path.  All the words of advice from family and friends.  All the encouragement.  All the support.  All the love.  

I truly am blessed.
And super super thankful.

Amen.

Ring-a-ling-a-ling.

Spoiled me rotten, that boy.

Nursing School Burnt-Out.

I've officially neglected blog land.

Life is crazy.

School is crazy.

I am crazy.

It's near the end of the semester.  14 days, to be exact.
Nursing school burnt out has set in.  
Focusing seems impossible.

I don't want to go to school.  Or get ready.  Or study.  Or listen to any more of a lecture, in any form.  I don't want to take another test. Hold another pencil. Look at another care plan.  I don't want to learn any new material.  I don't want to learn any new charting systems.  I don't want to learn any new hospitals.  I don't want to ever wear my scrubs again.  I never want to open another book.  

Luckily, I still want to take care of patients.  So at least I've got that going for me.  But, the rest is history.   I'm praying my test scores are good enough that I can coast through the final with minimal studying.  Because studying is dang near impossible.

I hoped the three week break between semesters could be spent snowboarding with my Caden and wedding planning, but I fear I'll spend it in bed sleeping for three weeks solid with no showers in between and minimal changing of my clothes.  

...of course I'm over-exaggerating.   I'll shower.

Sometimes.

New York City: The Proposal.

Caden flew me to New York City on a complete and random trip.   On Tuesday he asked me to get work off for the weekend.  I can never get work off for the weekend, but I told him I would try.   That night, three people said they would work for me.  This is completely unheard of, but I went with it.

Friday night me, Caden and the Hall family flew to New York City to spend the day there.  Who goes to New York City for one day?  We do.   That's who.

We arrived in New York City at 0600 and I have never been more excited/scared in my life.  People were everywhere.  And everyone was rushing.  I felt like the day after Thanksgiving sale, where everyone ran and ran and ran and no one stopped to smell the roses. 

We stopped at the 9/11 memorial building and I couldn't do anything but cry.  It's unreal to me how many lives were affected in one single day.  I can't even comprehend the tragedy and sorrow these people felt and continue to feel.   

Ground Zero was the most surreal place I've been.  It had a calm and peaceful feeling being there.  American flags were all over the place and I have never felt more proud or more united as an American.  I'm grateful that I live in the country and I'm thankful for all those who fight to keep me safe.

Tower One - Infinity fountain that continues to run and run.

We walked the streets of New York and I couldn't stop taking pictures.

Pictures of the buildings, taxis, people.

Pictures of all the booths and garbage and how smushed everything is together.

We made our way to Central Park.  ...which took some serious walking.

When we finally got there, we were all pooped.

We sat for a minute, then everyone rushed to get to this famous castle.

Why we were rushing, I had no idea.

I just went with it.

Hurry. Hurry. Hurry.

That was the theme of New York.

Maybe the Hall family was just playing along.

We made it to the castle, which was gorgeous.

Just like out of a fairytale.

Caden asked if we could make it to the top, so to the top we went.

We stopped for pictures.

...and then...

Caden asked me to be his wife.

And I said yes.

:)  :)  :)

Engaged on top of a castle in New York City.

How more perfect can that be?

Happiest moment of my entire life.

Hands down.

After the engagement I couldn't do anything except smile.

I called everyone I knew and updated my facebook status.

We took the train back to Time Square,
where I felt like shouting my good news to everyone around.

12 hours after arriving in New York, we headed home.

The most eventful 12 hours of my life.

Ground Zero. Central Park. Engagement. and Time Square.
Two plane rides.

Lots of walking.

3 subway rides.

and a new fancy ring.

I love New York.

and I love my fiance, Caden Hall.

Caden proposed with a string ring, because months ago I told him "I don't care what ring you get me.  I'll love it no matter what.  Get me a string, if you want."    So, a string he did.   :)

After the proposal we spent an hour looking in all of the ring shops to pick out a ring that I loved.   Unfortunately, I couldn't find a ring I loved more than the ring we picked out back home in Utah.  

So, Monday morning we will go pick up the second most important ring ever.

The first ring being my string ring,

that I never want to take off my finger.

Missing Pieces.

You know when you're putting together a puzzle, and you just can't make it work?  And sometimes you find a piece that "fits" and you force it in and you smush it down real hard and you think "This is definitely the right piece" but in reality you KNOW that it's definitely not.  And you keep adding pieces and taking pieces away, and turning pieces, and forcing pieces,  but you just can't finish the dang puzzle?

And then, all the sudden, you find your missing peice.  And the puzzle, all the sudden, makes complete sense.  You realize that, of course, that forced piece didn't belong there.  And "Obviously all the pieces fit together just like this.  Why didn't I think of this before? It's so obvious."  And you put together the puzzle in minutes.  Maybe even seconds.  Like this is the easiest puzzle you've ever done.



Caden is my missing puzzle piece.  He's what has been gone my whole life and why things just didn't belong where I was putting them.  I was forcing pieces of my puzzle in the wrong places.  I was turning the pieces and arranging the pieces and trying to make my puzzle work without a very important piece.  And now that I have him, my puzzle is the easiest puzzle I've ever done.  The pieces are just falling into place exactly how they should be.  One right after another, just like they are supposed to.

And I can't help but think to myself, "Obviously all the pieces fit together just like this.  Why didn't think of this before?  It's so obvious."

I don't mean to brag--

..but I totally found mine.

Days of Gratitude: Day Five, Six and Seven.

Oopsie.  I got a little behind.
How did three days pass without my noticing? Time goes quick.

1. I'm grateful for Nursing School.  I know I complain about it often and I whine about it.  I say that "it's dreadful" often and I complain that it's just way too much information and I'm going to quit the very next day.  However, I really am grateful for Nursing School.  I've learned a LOT of helpful information in a short amount of time.  Information that will be good for my children, my husband, my family.  Information good for neighbors, people and friends in my ward, and knowledge of good health.  My career choice will benefit me for my entire life and it's information that not only benefits me, but everyone that I know.   Plus, my nursing class is wicked awesome and I am super grateful I got into the program with the people that I did.  I seriously lucked out.

2. I'm grateful for my phone/computer.  Last night when Caden and I were watching Amazing Race ((love that show)), the racers were in Africa.  The Africans were walking around the streets with no shoes, no shirts, and carrying baskets on their head.  Their method of transportation was a bull and their food of choice was rotten fish.   And here I am complaining that my 3G internet on my phone isn't fast enough to search pinterest.  Uhhh, reality check. 

3. I'm super grateful for my sisters.  Both of them.   Some people don't have any sisters, and I have TWO.  Double the lucky.   Biggest sister, Candie,  keeps me laughing all day.  She's ditsy and silly and says the darndest things.  She has a heart of gold and would do absolutely anything to help me out. She knows how to throw a party and she makes friends everywhere we go.  She gets VIP to all the best clubs, she knows how to work all the bouncers into free stuff, and she always gets her way.   She's such a fun person to be around and always bubbily and laughing.   Sister two, Cassie, couldn't be more opposite than biggest sister.  Cassie is a tomboy all around.  She builds things, creates things, plants things, makes things, and fixes things.  She's rough and tough and super strong.  She fishes, she hikes, she bikes, she plays catch, she camps, she builds fires, and she's a police woman.   She, too, has a heart of gold and always has the best advice when I'm in a bind.  She calms all my fears and she looks out for me like big sisters do.   Both sisters are my best of friends and I absolutely love to spend time with them.  I still get excited to see them.  I still look forward to the holidays just to spend time with them.  And I still miss them when they are gone.   My sisters are the best sisters I could ever ask for.  And I feel a little guilty that I got two of them.

Days of Gratitude: Day Four

Today I'm grateful for an awesome nurse at clinical.  She let me do everything, instead of just watching her do it all.  She explained things. She showed me things. She taught me things.  She was happy to have me as a student and I was happy to have her as a teacher.  I learned more in one day then I have my entire time doing clinicals.  Grateful for super friendly nurses.

I'm grateful for hot showers because nothing is better then a hot shower after a 12 hour shift on your feet.  Some people don't even have hot water.  Or running water.  Or showers.   Man, I love my shower.  

I'm grateful for a boyfriend who calls me just because.  To check in with me.  To see how my day is going.  To make me smile.   And I'm grateful for the text he sent today:  "I would cancel anything to be with you.  You're my best friend."     Yep.  I cried.  Because he is that sweet that it literally brings tears to my eyes.

Lots to be grateful today, folks.
And I'm a blessed girl.  For reals.

30 days of Gratitude: Day Three

Today I am grateful for my car.   As  I was leaving the library after studying, I walked out into the blistering cold and thought "Blast, I bet my car is going to be freezing.  Sure hope my heater heats up quick."  And then I glanced over to the left and there stood a young mom and her young son waiting for the bus in the freezing cold.  They were waiting for who knows how long, and I was whining about a cold 3 minute car ride from the library to my home.  Psh.  How silly.

Which reminds me, I'm also very grateful for my home.  Which, my mom has decorated darling and it makes me feel safe and secure.  I know I can always come home, at any point in my life, and be welcomed with open arms and a mother who will accept me.  

Blessed are the little things that I so often take for granted.

30 days of Gratitude: Day Two

Day two of gratitude and I'm thankful for my Caden.   Caden has helped me become the person that I've always wanted to be.  Before Caden, I was going through the motions of life.  I was living life for me and for me alone.  Caden has made me believe in L O V E.  He is the reason I want to spend my life with someone.  He is the reason I truly believe in a Happily Ever After.  Caden has helped me find God and he has helped me grow my testimony in the Lord.  Caden is the reason that I smile ALL. DAY. LONG.   He has made me believe in laughter, love, being silly, and having fun.  He takes away all of my worries and he calms all of my fears.  He makes me feel incredibly safe and incredibly loved.  If I could describe my most perfect man, it's Caden to a T.  He's absolutely perfect and I'm beyond grateful for him.

30 days of Gratitude: Day One

Today I am grateful for my mother, who has inspired me to become the person I am today.  She has loved me through the trials, through the awful decisions I've made, through the incredibly hard roads I've taken, through the bad test scores, the happy moments, the heart breaks, the exciting news, and everywhere inbetween.  She always knows what to do and how to do it, and she makes me a better person every single day.

Halloween-y.

Thanks to Pinterest, halloween was a complete success.

We gamed.  We bobbed for Apples.  And we dressed up.
Man, I love halloween.

After the party was over, Caden left to go get Uncharted 3 at the midnight release.
He called me as he left, just to tell me what a great party it was and to thank me for the effort I put into the party.   How sweet is he?  Seriously.   He makes me smile EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.

Especially when he is dressed like Woody.