I've always heard that the first year of marriage is the hardest. I've heard if you can make it through the first year of marriage, you can make it through 80 more. Well, we made it and it wasn't even the least bit hard. Maybe we are still in the "honeymoon" phase, maybe my love for Caden is way beyond anything realistic, maybe Caden and I make a really great team, or maybe it's a combination of all three. At any rate, I've decided to make a list of things for me to remember and things to help our marriage get better and better as the years go on.
Date Night: Date night is something I look forward to each week in our marriage. I love getting dressed up and I love when Caden wears cologne. It makes me feel special knowing the time he took to plan something fun for us and to do something other than watching television together on the couch. Plus, it's a chance for us to spend time together one-on-one without technology and interruptions. It makes me feel special and it makes me feel like we are still "young and lively".
Get dressed up: Marriage can make a person lazy. You start to see each other in your worst: morning breath, lions hair, sleepy eyes, etc. So, I enjoy a lot when we get dressed up for one another. I love when Caden wears cologne and I love when he takes the time to trim his beard and wear my favorite shirt. I also love to get dressed up and be told I am pretty. Even if we have no where to go, I still try to get ready and look presentable for when Caden gets home.
Kiss and "I love you": We kiss all the time, all day long. We also tell each other "I love you" about 20+ times a day, no exaggeration. For some couples, this may seem like way too much and way too overbearing/mushy gooshy. I, however, love it very much. I am a girl who needs constant reassuring and constant feedback. So, it is very helpful for me to hear this daily and multiple times a day. Caden and I kiss every morning, every night, every time we part each other and every time we reunite. It's the first thing either of us do when we see each other and it always makes me smile. Even if we are only gone for a short time, he still kisses me when he comes back and it makes me a very happy wife.
Compliments: I am a big fan of compliments. I like to hear that I'm pretty or that I smell good. I also like to give compliments. I think it does a wonderful thing for a relationship if you are able to build up the person you are with. Even when I look like death, Caden will always find a way to compliment my awesome morning hair or the way I made the bed. No matter what I do or how I do it, Caden finds the good in it. Our temple sealer told Caden: "If Callie burns the meat, you tell her that is the best burnt meat you have ever eaten" and that is exactly what Caden does. Compliments go a long long way in a marriage.
Say Nice Things: I work with and go to school with a lot of women who dog on their husbands. ie: How lazy they are, how they never help, how they complain, how they are awful cooks, yadda yadda yadda. I've never been a big fan of that idea because 1) It's not fun to listen to and 2) it makes me hate their husbands. So, instead I've decided to only tell people the good things about my husband. Caden does that same. I've never once known him to say something mean or hurtful about me behind my back or to my face. Again, it goes back to building each others confidence. Big plus in a marriage.
Do Nice Things and Remember What's Important: Caden is really good at this. He knows how much I love cards and he makes a special effort to get me a card for every holiday. It's a simple gesture, but I think it's extra cute when he does it. I know that Caden really loves gummy apples so everytime I go to the store, I bring some home for him. It's silly and it's not a big gesture, but it's really cute when these little things happen. Notes on my car, folding the bed sheets down for me, putting in a piece of toast for me when his toast is done toasting, warming up the shower for me, etc. These little things are big big things to me and I love all of them.
Support Each Other: Even when my ideas seem dumb or irrational, Caden will tell me that he supports me. We talk about our ideas and our goals together all the time. We talk about what we want to do and where we want to go with our lives. And, we support them. Nothing is more comforting or reassuring than knowing my husband has my back 100% in all that I do.
Talk About Plans: Caden is really great at this. Before he makes plans with his buddies, he will always check with me to see what I am doing. I have a friend who this is not the case. Her husband is always gone with his buddies and she never knows where he is or when he will be home. Caden, however, never leaves me out of his plans and he is always putting me first before his friends, which makes me very happy. He will ask me if we have plans this weekend before he plans a longboarding day with his buddies, that way I know that he won't be home and he won't hurt my feelings by leaving when I had something scheduled. I don't ever mind when he goes with his buddies, but I appreciate it even more when he lets me know ahead of time.
Go to bed together: This has always been a good rule of thumb for us. Bed time is a time when we discuss our day and talk about our plans for the next. We cuddle, we say our prayers and we talk about things that are on our mind. It's a very personal and intimate time for us, and I think it's important that we do it every single day. If Caden isn't tired, I stay up with him on the couch and watch TV. If I have to go to bed early for work, he comes to bed with me and reads his book. It's so comforting having him there and I really look forward to our bed time together.
Quality Time: When either of us are home, we focus our attention on each other. If I'm home, Caden puts his video games aways. If Caden is home, I wait to clean the house or wait to look on pinterest. Of course, there are exceptions to this rule, but for the most part when we are home together, we are home together.
This list is every growing and adjusting, as our lives change and adjust. But for now, these things have worked really well for us. We have had to accomodate and discuss things with one another and talk about what was important or less important in our marriage. Sometimes I did things Caden hated, and other times he did things that I didn't like either. But, after a year of living together I think we have grown to know each other pretty well. We give and take and we compromise a great deal. Plus, we both are pretty easy going individuals, which makes a marriage even easier to get along.
As another year passes, I hope that Caden and I continue to be happy or even happier. I pray we remember what is important and we never forget what makes the other person happy. The best marriage I have ever heard is from my high school seminary teacher, Brother Andersen:
"Do everything you can to make your spouse happy, and he will do everything he can to make you happy. Then, neither of you have to worry about yourself."
Cheers to a year,
and hooray for infinity more.
xo
