W E N D O V E R.

We went to Wendover.

..and we WON!

Hooray for Craps.
Hooray for placing a $50 bet when everyone else bet $5.
Hooray for the guy that puked on Caden's shoe.
Hooray for road trips.
Hooray for the fun bus.

Hooray for 13 hours together,
and cheers to 9,898,784,321,368,4987 more hours together.

Blog Stats.

Blogger tells me I've had 77 page views today.
SEVENTY-SEVEN.

Seriously, how accurate is this thing?  

Because that makes me feel like a rock star.

And I love feeling like a rock star at 10:36am.

Dating a Microbiologist.

Caden and I joke often about the most ridiculous and nerdy things.

He's a microbiologist and he gets my geeky medical humor.

The other day, I randomly text him and said:
"I'm experiencing signs and symptoms of hypoCadenism."

And without missing a beat, he responded with:
"Take a tetraCadenzine and call me in the morning."

Nerdy and delicious.

Key to my heart, right there.

Cadenoma.

Meet my Caden.

He's silly and goofy and makes me laugh ALWAYS.

He laughs and jokes and reminds me to smile.

He's ambitious and driven.

He makes me want to be a better person.

He has goals and dreams and visions.
He wants to go places and see things.
...and he wants to take me with him.

He's handsome. He smells yummy. And he's super cuddly.

He's romantic and kind and always takes care of me.

He texts me "good morning" and "good night" every night.

He never leaves me without kissing me goodbye.

...and he makes me wicked happy.

Even if we are doing nothing.

Even if we are just smelling lotions at the mall.

He makes me happy and I think he's super great.

...and I think I am super lucky.

First Semester of Nursing School.

Blogland, it's me, Callie.

Missed you.

Friends, I finished my first semester of Nursing School.

I just can't even believe that sentence.
I have to read it over and over again.  

And not only did I finish, but I finished with all A's.   A's in Nursing School is something I never even imagined.  I remember being terrified of Nursing School and hearing how unimaginable it was.  I remember hearing that it was difficult and insane amounts of work.  I remember crying to my mom about how scared I was and her telling me that I would be okay. 

I remember meeting with a nursing counselor and him telling me that my GPA just wasn't high enough to get into the Nursing Program and that I should probably have a backup major in mind.  I remember talking to students who were already in the nursing program and being so envious.  I remember them telling me that they had to apply 3 or 4 times before they ever made it into the program. 

I remember deciding that Nursing was what I wanted to do.  I remember being so confused about what I wanted to be when I grew up and changing my major several different times.  I remember finally picking nursing and I remember the career counselor telling me "Well, you picked the most difficult major on campus."   

I remember getting accepted into Weber State and crying when I got my acceptance letter.  I knew that everyone gets accepted into Weber, but for me to be there and be an official college student was a great accomplishment for me.  I knew nothing about college.  I didn't know how to apply, how to sign up for classes, how to get financial aid, where to park, how to buy books, how to study.  I knew nothing.  But I did it, I figured it out, I survived. 

I've come so far and I've learned so much.
I've grown as a person.

I've accomplished so many goals.

I've done things that I never thought I could.  I believed in myself when others didn't.  I fought through the discouragements and the disappointments.  I didn't settle for "no".   I didn't settle for my second option.    Nursing is what I wanted and nursing is what I've done. 

I passed my first semester of Nursing School
and I passed with all A's.

True Me.

Afraid to show my colors,

Afraid of what you might see.
Afraid of what I was,

and who you thought that I might be.
Afraid to show it all and afraid of what I hide,

Afraid to let you see a different kind of side.

But now that you see, I no longer am afraid,

No longer need this mask that I have often played.
No longer am I scared of the person that I be,

No longer am I afraid to show you the true me.
I feel secure and I feel safe,
I feel welcomed and loved.
I feel accepted for my flaws that others have shoved.

I thank you for who you are,
and for who you let me be.

and I truly thank you for loving the honest and true me.
                       
         

Grieving.

I'm going through this "poor me" phase at the end of the semester.
We all are, all 40 of my classmates.
Poor me for having to study all this bull crap.
Poor me for the silly and ridiculous things they are making us do.
Poor, poor, poor me.

Today we learned about the stages of grief.
Maybe the only helpful and insightful thing I learned today.
I love that they are throwing busy work at us during finals week.
Awesome.

The stages of grief, in Nursing School form:

Denial —   Yes, I feel fine.  This finals week stuff is going to be a piece of cake and I can totally get through it.  Not even a big deal. 

Anger —  Why me? Why now? Why are we reviewing concept maps in the fourth month? Why do I need to write my own obituary? Why are we watching movies and DVDs that are not related? Where is the information coming from? When is the test? Why are we doing quizzes? WHY!?

Bargaining —  How much extra credit can I do to raise this grade? What if I actually come to class on time?  What's your favorite candy bar?  Do you need a back rub?  Let me get you a foot stool.

Depression —  I'm never going to make it through nursing school.  Never.  I'm going to fail right now and I might as well just stop coming to class.  I hate this.  I don't even want to be a nurse, in fact.  I could just be a CNA for the rest of my adult life.  I like being a CNA.   Nursing isn't even what I want to be.  I'm just going to stop coming, forever.  I'm done with nursing school.

Acceptance — It's going to be okay.  I can do this and survive.  I can survive nursing school. I can survive the torture and the dilemmas.  This is all going to be worth it and I really do want to be a nurse.  I love nursing.  I love nursing school.  I love to learn.  I'm the best nurse, ever.  I can do this.  And I will.

I'm stuck somewhere between bargaining and depression.  
This is super draining.  Emotionally, physically, spiritually.
All I want to do is drop out.

But, I keep going and I keep moving.
I'm trying to find the light at the end of the tunnel.
...and I will.
Just, not today.

Today, I just want to cry.
And today, I will.

So Much to Say.

...and so little time.

Remind me to tell you about:

• The day I became class president.
• The day I complained about my inappropriate teacher.
• The day I delivered two babies.

'til we meet again, blogland.

Rolling in the Big Bucks.

0643 and I'm sitting at work.

Ran out of things to look at online, so I decide to do some calculations. 
Great idea at 0643.

Currently, as a part-time CNA, I make about 8,000 a year.

Roughly.

Once I get my RN and will work full time, my income will not double, not triple, not quadrauple.  My income will increase five times.  F I V E times.  From 8,000 to roughly 40,000.    And that's just a freshly new RN.   

Guys, this is a big deal.

I realize that 40,000 is not a lot of money to some people.

But, for a single girl who still lives at home and has maybe 3 bills, 40,000 is a LOT of money.

40,000 means Europe. and Mexico. and Ecuador. and a big fat down payment on a house.

 ------------------

Let's be honest, though.

40,000 will probably REALLY mean, paying some rent to my cute mom and paying off student loans.  

But, the Europe idea sounds way better.