Hazel turns 14 months.

This sweet girl is 14 months old.  She's the sweetest girl with a hilarious personality.   She loves to play peek-a-boo, snuggle with Mommy and climbs all over Dad.  

She can say Daddy, Mommy, ba-ba, night-night, uh-oh, thank you, all done, buh-bye.  When asked "what goes the lion say?" She will growl, or meow like a cat, or chirp like a bird, or oink like a pig.  

She loves bubble guppies and will watch it all day.  She will take 2-3 steps and then falls.  She loves to eat crackers, yogurt, oranges and apple juice.

Her personality makes us laugh always and we are so proud of her.   ❤️

Private.

I get insecure about the things I write and who might be reading them.

So, I'm going private.

I would love to still have readers, so send me your email if you want to be a part of my blog-life.    😊

I'm back, with a funk.

It's been 6 months since my last post. 

SIX MONTHS. 

Oh, how I've missed it. 

I wanted to keep blogging and write about all the amazing mile stones and fantastic things that Hazel has done.   But, somewhere between nap time, play time, working full time, being a wife and running errands, I lost time to blog. 

In fact, I've lost time to do much of anything I've enjoyed.

I've been in a funk that I haven't been able to shake.  I wouldn't classify it as depression because I still have good days, I still laugh and I can still get out of bed and do things.   However, I lost time to to things I enjoy.  It became unimportant and on the "back burner". 

I went to a church activity and was asked "something I enjoy to do".   Well, besides spending time with my cute family, all I could come up with was cleaning and cooking.  

Yikes.

That was my red flag that I needed to make a change.

Luckily, I've got an amazing husband who pushes me to take time for myself.   He is great to watch Hazel and cook dinner while I do whatever it is that I want to do.  

I just don't know what I want to do, is the problem.

When Caden and I started dating, my idea of "fun" did not involve anything that I do now.   I was a different person, with different values, morals and goals.   

Now that has changed, I feel like I need to reinvent myself and find new hobbies. But, how do I do that at such an old age?   Where do I meet friends outside of my marriage?  And where do I look for fun?   

I'm hoping blogging will give me some clarity, and by writing my thoughts I can discover myself again.  

So, here is to step one.

I'm back, blog land. 

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Disclaimer:  I feel it important to mention that I know I am blessed.  I have an amazing husband who supports me in whatever I do and spoils me rotten.   I have a daughter who is happy, healthy and beautiful.   I have a home and job that I adore and a family that loves me.

I don't want this blog post to sound ungrateful in any way for these blessings.

Nighttime rituals.

Tonight as I was rocking Hazel May to sleep, I just kept thinking "I can't believe she's mine."  

I can't believe I'm a mom.  I can't believe I get to keep her and raise her and teach her about life.  I can't believe I'm the one she misses when she's away.  I can't believe I'm the one she seeks for comfort.  I can't believe, above everyone else, she chooses me.  

I can't believe it. 

I remember as a child how much I looked up to my mother, and I thought there was no greater person in the whole world.  A day with my mom was the best day, and when she was away, my heart ached to see her.  

And now, Hazel sees me in that way.  

What a blessing it is to be a mom.  As I stop cleaning the house, stop doing the laundry, stop cleaning dishes, and I just hold my baby girl--I feel so lucky to be in that moment forever.

Tonight, in her sleep as I rocked with her, she reached up and touched my lips as if to say "I love you, Mommy" and I held her as happy tears ran down my face. 

I love you too, baby girl. 

Always and forever. 

Crying Over Chipped Nail Polish.

This has been a long over-due blog.  But, I think I've finally got my thoughts together enough to write it all down. 

This past...week, or so...I've felt out of sync.  

December was a hard month for us.  We had some water damage in our home, Caden got a speeding ticket, we had to buy new tires on our car, our dryer broke, and Hazel got sick.   Luckily, we sailed through it all with flying colors.  I've got a husband who is an expert at going with the flow which greatly helps me when I start to worry.  

However, on Tuesday, Caden and I went snowboarding and he hurt his shoulder.  After a trip to the doctor, an X-ray, and a prescription for pain meds, we headed home.   That same day, we took Hazel in to the doctor because of a three week cough that's been lingering way too long. We got some antibiotics for her and all was well. 

We came home, Caden rested his shoulder, Hazel took a nap and I packed my lunch for work.   Out of nowhere, I broke down.   I suddenly felt overwhelmed with anything and everything.  Everything needed cleaning, fixing, organizing, or polishing--including my chipped nail polish.   I felt overwhelmed with things that didn't matter and I stressed about things I couldn't fix.

As I packed my lunch, I cried at the idea of leaving my sick baby and my hurt husband to go take care of strangers at the hospital.  I cried that I didn't want to be a nurse.  I cried that I would be wasting all my education if I chose to quit my job and stay home.  I cried that I was crying when I needed to be strong for my hurt and sick family. 

Caden came around the corner, saw that I was crying and immediately hugged me without knowing the cause of my tears.  He asked what was wrong and I felt silly for telling him that I was crying about my chipped nail polish.  

Sometimes I just get overwhelmed.  With everything.   It doesn't happen often.  Maybe once every three months, but sometimes I just have to cry about everything. 

Caden hugged me and told me he loved me.  He promised me we would get through all the financial and medical burdens and then he said "I'll be here for you always and forever.  You've got a husband who loves you unconditionally." 

And all the sudden, life felt right again. 

Sometimes I forget how amazing my life is, and I fret about things that don't matter.  Sometimes I forget to count my blessings.   But, on those days, I have Caden to hug me and tell me it's all going to be okay. 

And for that, I'm incredibly grateful.