I do.

I'm afraid of marriage, no new news. But today, something happened that made me a tiny bit excited to have a husband.

Here's the story.
I'm sitting on the shuttle at WSU, jam packed full of people. The usual. Two guys are talking, I'm eavesdropping. I don't know what they are saying, but the one dude says:
"...next to marrying my wife, it's the best thing I've ever done."

Melted my heart.

Man, I wish wife were on the bus to hear that. Cutest thing ever. This dude thinks marrying his wife is the best thing he's ever done.
In his WHOLE. LIFE.
That's a big deal.

And for just a tiny second, a little minute, I wanted to be married.

Scardy Pants.

Lately I've been hanging out with people in the medical field, who want to be nurses and doctors and physical therapists. They are a little further than me in the program, taking little bit harder classes, and trying their best to scare the shit of out me.

I'm not so positive I can do these classes.
...I'm not that smart.
AND sometimes, I second guess myself.

I'm projecting, [what I do best] but I'M SCARED.

Tooth Hurty, part 2.

'member how I got my wisdom tooth pulled?
...think it's infected.

Gross.

Going to the dentist in 30. Can't wait.

Oops.

Sometimes blogging gets me into trouble.
...and that always makes me giggle.

Senior-itis.

You know when your about to graduate high school and
you get a serious case of senior-itis?

Welp, that's me. Right now. 'cept I'm not about to graduate high school OR college. I just have senior-itis for no apparent reason, and I'm not even a senior.

All I want to do is play. I think my classes are all ridiculous and I do them completely half ass. Luckily, I have a B in both. Should be about a D for the effort I'm putting into them. I really need to kick my ass in gear, really need to set the bar high. Really need to give it my all.

...maybe tomorrow.

What time is the dentist? Tooth Hurty.

Went to the dentist today for a filling. Dentist decided to pull a wisdom tooth. I knew I had to be to work at 2, but I remember last time going 4wheeling after my teeth were pulled and I thought this time would be the same.

Definitely. Not. The. Same.

My tooth was a real beast. Roots under another tooth. Turned all ski-wamp-ous.

Bad. News. Bears.

So, I called in sick to work. My face is the size of a softball. I have been popping loratab every 4 hours, and drooling because it hurts to swallow.

Son of a..

Open, Honest, True.

I'm not super open. I hide my feelings, I hide my past, and I don't let people see me hurt. I don't like to share, I don't like people to feel sorry for me, I don't like to make excuses and I don't like people to see me weak.

I make an excellent listener, and I've heard many sad, sad, sad stories. I've let people vent, I've tried to give advice. But when it's my turn, I close up. I don't like to share. I don't let people into my heart easy. Not even at all, sometimes.

So, when people find out about my story and they try to confront me or relate, I get annoyed. It bothers me. When people tell me that I'm strong for everything I've had to go through, it doesn't comfort me. I just want to avoid the conversation, I want to tell them that they surely don't know what I've been through, what I'm going through, or how I feel.

I want to tell them that I'm really not strong, and I break down, and I have bad days. I want to tell them that it's not their business, and that I'm not ready to share my life with them.

...but instead, I say nothing. Because, I'm not super open.

I Must Confess.

Rememer when I worked at AFCU and did nothing but blog ALL. DAY. LONG?
..times have changed.

Now, I work at Mountain Ridge. Night Shift. And I don't even have time to pee, let alone blog. I just go, go, go. And I love. love. love.

My job is incredible, and even more incredible when the most un-expected residents tell me how much they like me. The most grumpy, most difficult, most hard-to-work with. Makes my entire day.

There is a downfall. Since I have 0 time to blog, I deleted some of the friends I was following. I just can't keep up, and as much as I love reading styling tips, decorating tips, and domestic things-I need to be realistic and realize that I don't have a house to decorate. And if I did, I wouldn't know how the hell to do the things these bloggin' ladies do.

So, I deleted you.
Not permantely, I just don't follow you. Don't be mad.

Fall. Fall. Falling down.

Guys, it's fall.
..and I LOVE it.

43 hours, non-stop.

Last weekend was the most fun I've had in a LONG time.

Thursday night I worked 2-10. After, went to Sam's house for Beer Pong. We invited everyone in our phone, and almost all of them showed up. A great mix of people, everyone drinking and kicking ass at beer pong. I laughed, I joked.

I had a blast.

And I stayed up ALL. NIGHT. LONG.
Didn't sleep.
Not one wink.

Friday morning I spent the day with my little Kenlee. It was her birthday, we went shopping and to lunch. She had a little melt down, cried a little, and I could completely relate. All she wanted to do was sleep, and that's all I could think about.

After I took Kenlee back to her mom, I worked 2-10. Alex asked me to go to our co-workers birthday party with him, so round 2 of beer pong began. We ate salsa dip, played a few rounds of beer pong, and around 2am my body ran out of energy.

I went and went and went.
For 43 straight hours.
No naps, no rests, no sleep.

And I loved every minute of it.
Not worrying about boyfriends or drama. Just worrying about Callie and making her happy.

..and I did a damn good job.

Rain Drops Keep Falling on my Head.

I love the rain.
Probably my favorite thing about mother nature, even more than sun.

LOVE.
LOVE.
LOVE.

Little Elaine.

'Member my cute, sometimes grumpy, resident?

The one who was really sweet with me?
She passed away on Friday.

Poor thing.

Step 1..2..3

Before.

During.

After.

Freshman.

I don't understand this semester, or how to study. I've suddenly lost all my study habit skills and am completely un-motivated. I have only 2 classes, and one is online. [Which means I have to be dedicated and self-motivated, and clearly I'm not.]

I'm still adjusting to my new nightshift schedule and wondering when and how to study.
I feel like a freshman all over again.