Sam and I have known each other for 22 years. The first few years she was my best friend. We'd have sleep overs together and stay up late putting her hamster down our shirts for entertainment.
The next few years, she was my little "kid sister" that I had to take everywhere or else I'd be in trouble. She tagged along to everything and it was always such a drag.
The past 3 years she's been my best friend. We did everything together, went everywhere together, did everything together. She'd text me good morning and tell me goodnight. She was the one to drive 45 minutes to spend the night with me when I was scared of living in Salt Lake. I was the one to comfort her when some boy broke her heart. She'd tickle my back and play with my hair and I would be her "big sister" in times of need. She'd come to me for advice, words of encouragement, homework help, rides to school, help with a job, help with life in general. We were there for each other and it was comforting.
But the past 6 months, things have changed. Maybe I've changed. Maybe she's changed. Maybe we've both changed. She has let me down. Hurt my feelings. Made me feel bad. Brought me down. Made me sad. She hurt me and disappointed me over and over and over again. And finally, I decided it was enough. I stopped texting back and I stopped answering her calls. She stopped writing me and gradually, we stopped talking. It wasn't a big fight and it wasn't something we talked about. Just one day, it was over.
I can't say that I'm sad about it ending, because the way things were going was not making me happy. However, I am sad about losing what we used to have. I miss our sleep overs and our long talks. I miss her random texts. I miss helping her with whatever it was she needed. I miss doing her hair when she didn't feel pretty. I miss her tickling my back when I had a bad day. I miss her silly laugh and the way she falls to the floor when she finds something hysterical. I miss her style and her corky things she does. I miss how she bugs the shit out of me, but still makes me smile. I miss having her when I needed her. And I miss being there when she needed me. I miss my best friend, and I wish so much that she were still the girl she once was. I wish she finds her roots and goes back to being the happy girl that jams out to Britney Spears and paints her toenails black.
But most of all, I wish she were still my Sammy Kay.
I wish for her to have a very Happy Birthday.
...and I hope she remembers how much I love her.
3 comments:
Oh Callie, I'm right there with you with my best friend. I think sometimes when we grow up we grow separate ways. Not fun.
Have I ever told you that your blog is my favrit? I Luvs it!
Sad. :( me and my sister (we used to be best best best friends) are growing apart for stupid reasons. :(
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