Supporting Me.

It's easy to lose your mind in Nursing School.
It's easy to feel over-whelmed and crazy and depressed.
It's easy to feel like you're never going to survive and
you're never going to make it through.
It's easy to feel inadequate and unprepared and behind.
Natural in Nursing School.

However, I feel calm and collected.

and I can only blame that on my incredible support system.

Before I head off to school, my mom wishes me a good day and tells me that she loves me.  She never forgets to remind me how much I mean to her.   When I return from school, she takes a minute to ask me how my day was.  When I bomb a test, she is the first to consul me and hug away my tears.   And when I do well, she is the first to congratulate me and remind me how smart I am.   My mom is proud of everything that I do, whether it's a C+ or an A+.   My mom acknowledges me for my hard work and she reminds me how far I've come in a world of crazy.   She makes me feel like the smartest, prettiest, greatest girl and for that, I'm forever grateful.

My Caden has been incredibly supportive through this entire thing.   All summer I stressed and worried about how little I'd be able to see Caden.  I worried that he would be fed up with my studying and I worried that he would find someone else to keep him occupied, since my time would be spent studying.   However, to my surprise, Caden has been incredibly supportive and by my side every step of the way.  He has encouraged me to do better and loved my despite my faults.  He has congratulated me for every test score and listened to all my stories about the things that I've learned and the people I've met.   He is patient with me when I have a break down and he listens to me when I cry.   He understands when I have to stay in to finish a late assignment and he always makes sure that I'm doing okay.

My support system is incredible, and I can contribute all of my success to them.  Without them, I would have given up long ago.  Without the encouragement throughout my life and my nursing career, I would have never thought I was good enough.  I would have never thought I was smart enough.  I would have never believed I could.

And each day I'm reminded that I can.  

And that I will.  

And that I am.

And I couldn't thank them enough.

Busy Nursing Bee.

I feel lost without blogger.
I miss it, terribly.

Nursing School has been...busy.
That's the best word for it.

Who has time to blog when we cover 9 chapters of material in 32 hours of class time? Plus, two tests to study for.  And a presentation to create and present.  And 2 days of clinicals.  And a 15 page paper to type about our patient from first day clinical.    And another 3 page paper about the second patient we received on the second day of clinical.    All of this is completed in 192 hours.

And that's only what is asked of us.

And on top of that, add 24 hours of working.

What's crazy is, I don't even have it the worst.  There are people in my class working 40 hours a week to support a family and children.  They come home to dinner, dishes, laundry, and a spouse.  

It's no wonder people are at their breaking point.

We have someone in our class crying, daily. 
Someone who is threatening to drop the program completely.
Some who make jokes just to keep from crying.
Some who sleep during class, because the other hours of the day are too busy.

It's madness.

And it's set up in this fashion to weed out those who can't handle it.   Nursing is stressful.  Sometimes you don't sleep. Sometimes you don't get to see your family. Sometimes there is so much information and tasks on your plate, you have to learn to prioritize and weed out what's less important.   That's nursing.   That's how it's done.    And that's what they are preparing us for.

All I can say is, bring it on.

Maybe I'll survive, maybe I won't.

But I'm definitely going to try.



Trying to Study.

So, here I am, studying at the library.
And some man is yelling/swearing/grabbing at this children as he randomly surfs the internet.

A W K W A R D.

Grasshoppers for Mom.

My mom hates grasshoppers.
HATES them.

She hates them as much as mice hate cats

and as much as water hates oil

and as much as teeth hate cavities.  

H A T E S.

So, I thought it would be a good idea to catch one and bring it home for her.

S U R P R I S E.

Not her most favorite surprise, but still a good one.

Raining.

I'm sensing a rain storm.
I feel it coming and I'm wicked excited.

Ohhh, how I love the rain.

Spending the day at the library in a rain storm with a hot chocolate.
H E A V E N L Y.

6 months with Caden.

March 11th, 2011 was my first date with Caden.

I was dressed and ready to go snowboarding with my family and he had been texting me all morning.  He mentioned that we should go longboarding sometime and I reminded him how absolutely uncoordinated I am on anything, other than a snowboard.  He insisted we go and he asked for directions to my house.  He showed up within seconds and I panicked.  I wasn't ready or prepared and I was still in my snowboarding gear.  Oh dear.

We went for a ride around my neighborhood and I remember him holding on to my waist as we sailed down the road.  Instant butterflies.  As we rode and laughed and smiled, I never would have guessed that this man would be my forever.  Never.

6 months later and I can't believe how absolutely perfect Caden is.   He has every quality I could want in a friend, in a boyfriend, in a husband, in a father for my children, in a companion.   He's always doing everything he can to make me happy.  He is constantly checking on me and making sure I'm doing okay.  He senses when I'm upset and when I'm worried and he is the first to calm my fears in a second.   He's inspiring.  He's motivating.  He always makes me laugh and he is silly.  He's so silly.   He sings to me in the car.  He does silly dance moves.  He is witty and always coming up with new and better ways to make me smile.  He lets me fall asleep on his chest during every single movie we watch.  He sings along to Anastasia and Tangled.   He takes me with him everywhere and he is there for anything and everything that I need him for.

When I think about him and having him as my future husband, I literally get tears in my eyes.  He makes me happier than any person ever has before.  He means more to me than any person or anything ever has.  There is no doubt in my mind that I am supposed to be with Caden.  I just can't believe I finally found him.  Our story is like a fairy tale, all starting with Mashed Potatoes.  And it continually gets better every single day.   I'm lucky to have him and I will never ever let him go.

Happy six months, babe.

Here's to 29949494993922929 more.

Mormon Message - Testimony

I'm not a history buff, nor have I ever been.  

History bores me to tears.  T E A R S.

What happened in the past does not interest me and I don't know how or why it's relevant.  What is important to me is how I'm living my life now.  How does the past affect my current situation.  How do I plan to live from here until forever.   Not the past.   It's boring and it's over.   So, let's move on.

So, when I try to justify my testimony in the church and my beliefs, it's not based on the history of church.  It's not based on the foundation and how the church came to be.   It's based on how the church lives now.   My testimony is based on how the church makes me feel.  My testimony stems from the things I have personally felt and the goals I have set for myself.

I don't know much about Joseph Smith.  I don't know much about how the church was founded and created.  I don't know much about what the church used to believe or the rules and regulations that the previous prophets taught. 

What I do know is what is current: 

• God answers prayers.  
• Spending Sundays in church makes me 
  feel better and makes me want to do better.  
• My church has great guidelines that I, personally, want to live by.

I don't think being Mormon makes me a better person than being Catholic or Muslim or Jehova-Witness or Atheist.  I don't think some are going to hell for not believing what I believe.  I don't believe the everyone must live by the same standards that I live by.   This is solely a personal choice.  Soley based on how it makes me feel.  

I hope, one day, I learn about the history.  I hope to grow my testimony and learn why things make me feel as good and as wonderful as they do.  I hope I continue to grow as a person and I hope I continue to strengthen my testimony in the church

But for now, if I go to church soley because it makes me feel better and do better, that's a good enough reason for me.

Say Something Nice.

'member how obsessed I am with the "Free Hugs" campaign?
This is almost just as great.

Thanks, Jessica, for sharing.
LOVE this.

Longboard.

This is Caden slaving away on my brand new longboard.  Him and his buddy put it together for me and it turned out absolutely perfect.

It's pink and it's girly and
it was made by my Caden.
What's not to love, seriously?

Loo Hoo is what Caden calls me.
It's his nickname for me.  
Super cute.

Now I just need to figure out 

how to ride this thing and I'll be set.

Don't Forget.

I've got two tests and a paper to write.

But one day, when nursing school doesn't consume my life, remind me to tell you about: the most perfect weekend, 6 months of pure bliss with Caden, my darling grandparents moving and my cute new longboard.

.....only slightly behind in blogging land.

Nursing Cry.

Sometimes I feel like my life is consumed by nursing school.
And sometimes I feel like it's completely worth it.

Other times, I sit and stew about how much I miss having a social life and how much I miss being able to see my Caden.   Yesterday, was one of those kinds of days.   The first time I saw him was at 9pm and it was for one hour.  Just long enough to hug him, kiss him, tell him I love him, watch an episode of Community and then cry all the way home.  

The only thing holding me together is to remember that it's only for one more year.   And, in the long run, it's not only going to benefit me and my paycheck, it's going to also benefit Caden and our family.   Nursing will make me a better wife, a better mother, and a better person.

Nursing will be worth it in the end.

.... I just have to make it that far.

Replaced.

Well, not QUITE as good as this

But, slightly more healthy.

Bah-humbug.

Ohhh, sweet Pumpkin Spice.

How I miss you.

Three Things.

Hey blogland.

Where you been?

Mostly I just wanted to say that I miss fall.   

So ready for boots and hoodies and jackets and not sweating.

Hate sweating.

Secondly, I passed my first two nursing tests with flying colors.
This semester is so much better.  More organized. More planned.
I know what's expected of me and I know what to prepare for.
Ahhhh, the glory of organization.

Lastly, 90 days until I'm a nurse.

S C A R Y.

and exciting.

...mostly SCARY.

That's all.

New Gear.

Look what Caden bought me.
$15.00 total.
Killer deal, seriously.
K I L L E R.

SO ready.
Bring on the S N O W.

Mushy Gooshy with Pictures.

Nursing school has turned me into a cry baby, already.

And Caden is so great and so patient with me.

He is the first to remind me how much I've accomplished thus far, and how close I am to finishing all of my goals.  He's always there to support me and to give me a little "umph" when I feel like poo. 

He's so great.

How did I get so lucky, seriously. 

So, in honor of my handsome boyfriend, here are my favorite pictures:

This is us at an outdoor movie showing of "Tangled".

His eyes really are that green and delicious in real life.
Not contacts, folks.

Those are real eyeballs.

And this is my Caden all dressed up for church.

Makes me want to just hug him.

He really is this handsome in real life.

And I get to hug him.

Seriously, so lucky.

So, yep.  That's all.

My boyfriend rocks and I'm lucky.

The end.

Impatient.

I'm really trying to by patient.

...but I'm just ready to be married.

One day at a time, Cal.

One day at a time.