Grooms Plans.

I was asking Caden what he would like to do on the invitations, 

and how he wanted them designed, layed out, etc.  

This is what he gave me,
written on a tiny piece of paper.

He's such a cute groom.  

Ta-da.

Ohhh man.   I'm caught up in blogland.   Finally.

I read every blog.
EVERY single blog.

Sometimes I comment, sometimes I don't.  But, I read them all.

AND, I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off.
because, I stress about things like this.

I don't stress about money, or health, or safety, or normal "stressful" things.
I stress about how many blogs I still need to read and how far behind I am.

What a loser.
...but a loser who is caught up in blogland.

Catchup. Ketchup. Catsup.

Phew.  What a week.  Or month.  Or whatever.

• I graduated, guys.   I'm an LPN.   I take my test in two weeks and then, 4 days later, I'm eligible to work as a nurse.  Such a strange feeling.    Such a big accomplishment.   Yet, doesn't even seem real.

• Next week is Christmas.  Where is the snow?  How will Santa make it from the North Pole without any snow? What do I buy for Caden? What is Caden buying for me?  ...and how merry will this Christmas be?  

• And, last bit of news, my Grandpa passed away last week.   He had Alzheimer's and was headed down hill fast. Never have I ever seen someone pass away as quickly as he did.  We realized his dementia was getting worse about 6 months ago.  He was forgetting simple things and my Grandma was having to help him more and more.  Then, 3 months ago he and my Grandma moved in with my Aunt and Uncle.  What a blessing that was.   About 2 weeks ago he woke up very weak, not able to move or get around as well as he used to.  Then, last week, he passed away.  
  
  It was sudden and I'm grateful for that.  Although it's horrible to see him pass away and it's awful to let go, it's such a blessing that he didn't have to suffer and deteriorate right before our eyes.  It's such a blessing that he was able to pass quickly and that he left his dignity in tact.
  
  His funeral was perfect.  We said some funny stories, we reminisced about the good times, we laughed, we cried, and we honored a wonderful man.  He was a Veteran and the way they honored him made my heart fill with pride.  The flags. The salutes. The gun fire.  The trumpet.   The works.   It was absolutely breath taking.  And such a wonderful, incredible ceremony.

• And, on top of all that, wedding planning.  Everything I do makes me think of the wedding.  Everywhere I look.  Everything I touch.  Everything I smell.  E V E R Y T H I N G.   I go to google something, and end up somehow on a wedding website.  And this wedding is 8 months away.   I'm in for a LONG 8 months if my thoughts are already completely consumed by this whole ordeal.

Phew.  What a strange and odd couple of weeks it's been.
And, unfortunately, I'll be back in school in just 3  weeks for the RN program.

Ugh.   Can we rewind a few weeks?
I'm not ready for the weeks ahead.

Graduation Speech.

Nursing wasn’t my first choice as my major.  Originally I wanted to go into psychology.  The way the brain ticked and the way people interacted fascinates me, and continues to fascinate me.   But, somewhere along this mixed up crazy path, I ended in Nursing.  And I haven’t regretted a single thing.  The things I’ve learned as a student nurse will help for the rest of my life, not just while I’m working.  How to cure a cold, how to treat nausea, how to handle agitation, how to change a brief, toilet a patient, how to handle emotion and anxiety, how to administer medication, when to hold medication and most of all, how to deal with stress. 

When I began the nursing journey, I started with a CNA class at Weber State University.  The thought of checking someone’s temperature was frightening.  What if I held the thermometer wrong? Do I put it under the tongue, or over the tongue?  How long do I hold it? Do I clean the thermometer before AND after?    

A year has passed and now I’m learning things much more complex than vital signs.  I’m learning life saving techniques.  I’m learning CPR.  I’m learning medication therapy.  I’m learning therapeutic communication.  I’m learning how to bring a baby into the world and I’m learning how to peaceful help a patient leave this world.

The first day of class was incredibly nerve racking.  What would I be learning? What would they expect? What if I humiliate myself? What if I’m not as smart as everyone else?  What if I’m too young? What if I’m too old? What if I wear the wrong outfit? What if I bought the wrong books? What if they ask me questions that I don’t know? What if they meant to accept a different Callie Carter and I got her letter by mistake?

I walked in and felt at ease.  I recognized a few familiar faces and, to my surprise, wasn’t the oldest in the class.  Or the youngest.  I sat by a long time friend and together we put on our glove, gown, mask and face shield.  Symbolically representing the protection we would need through the next 12 months of our lives.

I remember telling my family several times over and over, “There is no way I’m going to learn this material.”  And then, one week later I’d report back with a smile and a grade above passing.
I remember our instructor playing repeat over and over in my mind. “80% is good," she would tell us.

Monday we would get a dose of heavy information.  Tuesday we would review it.  Wednesday we would get another heavy dose of completely different information.  Thursday and Friday we would spend at clinicals practicing our skills.  Saturday and Sunday would spent working.  And then back again on Monday for another dose of new information.

My last day of clinical, as I was meeting with Chantal and she was doing my clinical evaluation and she was giving my pointers and reminding me of things to help me be a better nurse.  She had me sign the bottom of my name and as I did so she said "Just think, soon enough you'll be adding an LPN at the end of that name."   My heart filled with emotion, my eyes teared up and I got a huge smile on my face.

I don't know how I fit in time to study.  I don't know where I stored the information in my already extremely full brain.  I don't know how I learned to pull that information  and regergitate it on a test.  I don't know how I rememberd the different diseases, medications, side effects.  I don't know where I stored the information about newborns, infants, toddlers, adults and geriatrics.  I don't know how I remembered the contraindications, the recommendations, and the things to report to the doctor.   

But, I'll never forget the friends that I made.  I'll never forget the inside jokes we had.  I won't forget the way everyone made me feel, knowing I wasn't in this alone.  The late night texts I received reminding me to study or the "Don't forget to wear your scrubs tomorrow."  I won't forget the conversations we had at lunch about our families, about the things we have given up to study.  I won't forget the games we played during class, the notes that we passed, the comments we made, just to keep ourselves motivated.  I will always remember the pictures we took, the funny faces we pulled and the humor that our class carried with us everywhere we went.  I won't forget how loud and proud our class is and all the several hundred times we were told to please keep it down.

It's true what they say: nursing school is hard.  It's a year of complete dedication and it's a year of full attention.  It's demanding.  It's exhausting. It's tiring.  It's overwhelming. It's chaotic.  And it's madness.  But, it's 100% worth it.  It's everything I've wanted to become and it's made me a better person because of it.  I couldn't have asked for better people to go through this with.  The PN class of 2011 truly is the best class and I'm so grateful I was able to be a part of this.

Thank you, class, for being wonderful people and incredible nurses.   And thank you to my family, for always supporting me and motivating me to keep going.

Congratulations, class.
We made it.   

G R A D U A T I O N.

Hey friends.
Miss you.

Just thought I would blog to tell you that I graduate in 40 hours.
HOURS.  Not even DAYS or WEEKS or MONTHS. 
I'm counting down hours.

Isn't that veeerrd?
...name that movie.