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You know when you have an outfit and it's the cutest, most beautiful, most adorable, best outfit in your closet and you are dying to wear it but it just doesn't fit anymore? You love the outfit and you loved when it fit and you loved how it made you feel, but now you try it on and you've just completely outgrown it?

That's me. That's how I feel about my job as an aide. I love working as an aide and it made me happier than anything ever has, but I've outgrown it. Now I come to work and feel like I'm being mocked and degraded. I feel like the knowledge I've learned over the past two years has been pushed to the back burner and I'm not able to uitilize my skills, and that's frustrating.

I'm trying to squeeze back into my sparkly outfit, but it just isn't working.

I left work after a twelve hour shift yesterday and I cried the whole way home. I'm stuck inbetween positions where I don't fit in as an aide anymore and I'm not quite a nurse. I don't feel like I belong in either spot.

...and I hate not fitting in.

I'm ready to be a nurse. A real nurse. A nurse who starts IVs, gives medications, listens with a stethoscope. A nurse who is thirsty for knowledge and eager to help. A nurse that saves lives, continues to learn, continues to grow.

But, instead, I'm stuck as an aide who has reached the top of the ladder and ran out of steps. I don't feel like I can progress any further as an aide, and now I feel like I'm regressing. I don't try as hard or push as hard or give as hard because I don't have the motivation. And that's a horrible, awful thing.

Maybe it's a debbie downer day. Maybe I can blame it on the lack of sleep, or the hunger, or the PMS.

...or maybe I really just need to get a nursing job. And F A S T.