Favor.

Someone PLEASE make me a cute new header..

and update my pictures.

...or create a longer day,

so I have a few hours to do it myself.

'ppreciate it.

Time-Traveling.

HOLY MOLEY.
This month has gone by in lightning speed. Greased lightning speed. Everything is happening so fast, and things are falling into place and I'm so ready for it.

Anatomy is clicking, and things are making sense. I love: my professor, my lab instructors, my work schedule, studying all day on Tuesday and Thursdays.
...I got a lot of love.

CNA is almost done, and over. Where did that whole month GO!? I did my clinicals today and had a resident poop in a garbage can. Loved it. I take my test next Thursday and then WAM-BAM-Thank You Ma'am. I'm CNA certified. [Job hunting this Saturday.]

Sent my nursing application in today for the Nursing Program. [..won't get in, because I'm missing a few requirements.] BUT, the fact that I am actually applying is a HUGE milestone for me. This means that I've picked a major I love, and I've made my mind up about my future. It means that I'm done taking classes I don't need, and I'm ready to move on and progress.

Things are coming together.
Falling into place.
I'm becoming me.

and I love everything about it.

Memorial Day Grief.

Memorial Day is here, and it makes me nervous. For those of you who don't know, my dad passed away when I was 5. Since it happened when I was so young, I didn't grieve properly and I don't remember much of anything about him. I visited the cementery only when my mom went, and then gradually we stopped going as a family.

My junior year in highschool is when it hit me that my own father wasn't a part of my life. He wasn't going to be at my graduation, my wedding, the day I bought my first house, had my first baby, received my diploma..big events that a Daddy should be there for.

I remember one day, after I had graduated, I went for a drive and was having a hard day. Out of nowhere I had an overwhelming urge to go to the cementery, something I hadn't done in probably 4 years. As I pulled in, I immediately started bawling. I pulled up to where I remembered his grave to be, got out of my car in the snow and my flip-flops, grabbed a blanket and started walking around trying to find his grave. I remember being so discouraged not being able to find where he was burried, and I remember thinking "Where are you? This is so typical of you, not being there when I need you."

After uncovering snow from several headstones, I gave up and went back to my car. I sat down and cried 13 years worth of tears, anger, hurt, shame, doubt, and fear. Day one of grievance, passed with an A+.

I didn't tell anyone about that day, and I tried to fight the anger I felt toward my father. When he was brought up in conversation, I left the room. I was hurt that he left our family and mad that he did it when I was so young. I hated that everyone had memories of him, except me. I had no pictures of him and I together, no memories, and no momentos.

About a year ago, my parents sat me down and we talked more seriously about my feelings and what I was going through. They suggested I see a therapist, and I was offended. My mom called a therapist, the same therapist my dad saw for his drug addiction, and I agreed to go.

My first visit went well, I did a lot of crying and she did a lot of listening. The second visit wasn't so successful. She did most of the talking and told me memories she had of my dad. Memories SHE had of MY father, that I didn't have. I got pissed, and I remember thinking "why does everyone has memories of him, except me?" I didn't go back, and I haven't been back since.

I still struggle with his passing, and I am still going through the grieving process. It's wierd, and it's different and it's hard to explain. It's been 17 years and I'm just now grieving, and grieving over a person I remember nothing about. I'm dealing with it though, and I've made progress. He has always been my father, and will always be my father. And despite the anger I had and the hurt I have felt, I will always love him and I take Memorial Day to remind not only him of that, but myself.

Let's Review.

Sella Turcica.

Cribiform Plate of Ethmoid.

...how does a person confuse these two on their very first Anatomy quiz?

I don't know, But I did.

Anticipation is Killing Me.

Guess who I'm meeting this Thursday.

Dane-Mother-Effing-Cook.

..I just need to figure out how to do this with my fingers before I go.

My Little Piece of Heaven.

Since I don't have a house to show off, I am showing off my little piece of heaven.

Presenting: My Room.

Ta-Da.
:]

Defective Callie.

Member came into my branch today, looked at my hand and said:
Old man:"What's a pretty girl like you doing being single?"

Translation: What the hell is wrong with you, why aren't you married?

My thoughts: Nothing is wrong with me, old man. I WANT to be single, not married, going to school and making a career for myself so I don't have to be supported by my husband and depend on him. Thanks, have a nice day.

Hey, Yo. Can I Have Yo' Numba?!

Dating in high school is way different than dating when you're 22 years old.
Now-a-days people date to find a spouse, and it's weird.
What are the rules to that?
...What if you just want to hang out but totally don't want to marry the dude?
...Do you not date them because they aren't husband material?

AND. WHY do I keep dating return missionary, temple-worthy, church-going, scripture-reading, future-bishop boys?

UM, I don't go to church. Or read scriptures. Or visit the temple. Or want to be a bishop.
That makes for a weird relationship. So WHY do I keep dating these people?

Here is my hypothesis: because there is no middle ground. Either boys are party animals who drink 'til they pass out, or future bishop. NO middle ground.

Frankly, I'd rather my husband pray at night rather than pass out with beer in hand.
Eh, go figure.

Getting Out Of Control.

Sister is playing matchmaker and gave a boy my number.

Guess what his name is.

Josh. #4.

W.
T.

F.

Anatomy.

I'm nervous.
My Anatomy class starts tomorrow.
BAHHHHH.

...not to be confused with Grey's Anatomy which was freakin' AMAZING and I bawled my eyes out. If Izzie dies, I'm going to call the producer and punch him/her in the face.

Game Night.

Saturday night we had game night at Kalee's house.

[Me. Thomas. Kalee. Joey. Sam. Caleb.]

We are playing pictionary.

-------------------------------------

Joey is drawing "bite" and draws a smile and some teeth.

Kalee is guessing.

Kalee: A...banana?

Kalee: A...banana with windows!

Joey: A banana with windows?!?!

Kalee: You know, like on James and the Giant Peach.

----------------------------------------

Now Caleb is drawing and Sam is guessing.
Caleb draws "lead balloon" and Sam guesses it.

Kalee: Oh, LEAD balloon. I thought the word was leed balloon.

Joey: WTF is a leed balloon?

Kalee: You know, like the balloon in front. The leader.
I'm the LEED BALLOON!
[And she raises her hand in the air, in victory.]

-----------------------------------------
Laughed my A S S off.

ALL. NIGHT. LONG.

Family Ties.

I'm not exaggerating at ALL when I say that my family is fetchin' STRONG people, especially the women in my family. They have been through some shitty-shit. All of them. And they all keep trucking along, and keep progressing. It's freakin' AMAZING. [and THAT is why I picked them when I was a little angel baby in heaven looking for a family.]

F-A-F-S-A.

Funny story:
I was telling Sam about applying for school and student loans. I tell her to fill out a FAFSA form.

Sam: How do you spell it?
Me: F-A-F-S-A.
Sam: Fuh-Ass-Fuh-Sam-Ass. Got it.

I love everything about her.

Another Post about School.

I know that I post about this ALL the time, and I know it's annoying and you don't give a shit and yada-yadda-yada, but I just really need to talk about school and how fetchin' stoked I am that this is all happening.

I'm REALLY doing this. I'm finally on the track, and I'm making progress. I'm past the wondering phase, past the "find myself" and the "who am I", past all the B.S. and I'm onto bigger and better things, like becoming a nurse.

After my CNA class today, it hit me..and I smiled the entire way home.

I love it.

LOVE.

LOVE.

LOVE.

[..and I don't even care that I brag about how proud I am of myself, because it's my damn blog and I can say what I want.]

:]

Painful Memories.

For those who don't believe me when I tell you I had lesbian/boy hair.

Under the Weather.

I've got a fever, and sore throat.

And I just read a blog about the 10 dirtiest jobs in America.

Top 2 are bank teller and daycare provider.

Guess what, I'm a bank teller.

And my mom does daycare out of the home I live in.

No wonder I'm sick.

Son of a BEEEEEE sting.

Ah-Ha Moment, part 2.

Remember my post about "do what I love, love what I do"...?

Well, it's working.

I've lost 8lbs and I've saved almost $400.00 from not eating out, or driving to North Ogden every day.

I'm a big balla' guys.

Here is me, in just a few weeks.

[I joke.]

Revenge is Sweet.

This is my friend, Brittany. She is a college graduate, believe it or not. And this is my revenge, because she left and moved to California.

Eavesdropping.

I went to Britt's graduation party on Friday and I promise you, I've never seen so much hairspray and mascara in one room.

This was an honest-to-goodness conversation I heard:
Girl 1and2: Hey, you're cute. What's your name?
Girl 3: Jaime.
Girl 1and2: Jaime, are your boobs real?
Girl 3: [Laugh] No.
Girl 1and2: [High squeally voice] OURS AREN'T EITHER!
All girls together: Let's do a SHOT!


Um, WTF.

Missing in Action, part 2.

Look what I made.

Not perfection, but I'm learning.

Sneak Attack.

Josh just came into my work, for the second time since we broke up. Both times I just catch a glimpse of the back of his head. My hands get sweaty, and my heart pounds and I get all shaky and I FREAK OUT.

What would I do if I ever made eye contact with him? He plans it, I swear. He knows where I work, he knows when I work.
He does it just to make me sweat, and it works.

[Okay, so maybe he doesn't do it to make me sweat. But he does DO IT.]