Grooms Plans.

I was asking Caden what he would like to do on the invitations, 

and how he wanted them designed, layed out, etc.  

This is what he gave me,
written on a tiny piece of paper.

He's such a cute groom.  

Ta-da.

Ohhh man.   I'm caught up in blogland.   Finally.

I read every blog.
EVERY single blog.

Sometimes I comment, sometimes I don't.  But, I read them all.

AND, I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off.
because, I stress about things like this.

I don't stress about money, or health, or safety, or normal "stressful" things.
I stress about how many blogs I still need to read and how far behind I am.

What a loser.
...but a loser who is caught up in blogland.

Catchup. Ketchup. Catsup.

Phew.  What a week.  Or month.  Or whatever.

• I graduated, guys.   I'm an LPN.   I take my test in two weeks and then, 4 days later, I'm eligible to work as a nurse.  Such a strange feeling.    Such a big accomplishment.   Yet, doesn't even seem real.

• Next week is Christmas.  Where is the snow?  How will Santa make it from the North Pole without any snow? What do I buy for Caden? What is Caden buying for me?  ...and how merry will this Christmas be?  

• And, last bit of news, my Grandpa passed away last week.   He had Alzheimer's and was headed down hill fast. Never have I ever seen someone pass away as quickly as he did.  We realized his dementia was getting worse about 6 months ago.  He was forgetting simple things and my Grandma was having to help him more and more.  Then, 3 months ago he and my Grandma moved in with my Aunt and Uncle.  What a blessing that was.   About 2 weeks ago he woke up very weak, not able to move or get around as well as he used to.  Then, last week, he passed away.  
  
  It was sudden and I'm grateful for that.  Although it's horrible to see him pass away and it's awful to let go, it's such a blessing that he didn't have to suffer and deteriorate right before our eyes.  It's such a blessing that he was able to pass quickly and that he left his dignity in tact.
  
  His funeral was perfect.  We said some funny stories, we reminisced about the good times, we laughed, we cried, and we honored a wonderful man.  He was a Veteran and the way they honored him made my heart fill with pride.  The flags. The salutes. The gun fire.  The trumpet.   The works.   It was absolutely breath taking.  And such a wonderful, incredible ceremony.

• And, on top of all that, wedding planning.  Everything I do makes me think of the wedding.  Everywhere I look.  Everything I touch.  Everything I smell.  E V E R Y T H I N G.   I go to google something, and end up somehow on a wedding website.  And this wedding is 8 months away.   I'm in for a LONG 8 months if my thoughts are already completely consumed by this whole ordeal.

Phew.  What a strange and odd couple of weeks it's been.
And, unfortunately, I'll be back in school in just 3  weeks for the RN program.

Ugh.   Can we rewind a few weeks?
I'm not ready for the weeks ahead.

Graduation Speech.

Nursing wasn’t my first choice as my major.  Originally I wanted to go into psychology.  The way the brain ticked and the way people interacted fascinates me, and continues to fascinate me.   But, somewhere along this mixed up crazy path, I ended in Nursing.  And I haven’t regretted a single thing.  The things I’ve learned as a student nurse will help for the rest of my life, not just while I’m working.  How to cure a cold, how to treat nausea, how to handle agitation, how to change a brief, toilet a patient, how to handle emotion and anxiety, how to administer medication, when to hold medication and most of all, how to deal with stress. 

When I began the nursing journey, I started with a CNA class at Weber State University.  The thought of checking someone’s temperature was frightening.  What if I held the thermometer wrong? Do I put it under the tongue, or over the tongue?  How long do I hold it? Do I clean the thermometer before AND after?    

A year has passed and now I’m learning things much more complex than vital signs.  I’m learning life saving techniques.  I’m learning CPR.  I’m learning medication therapy.  I’m learning therapeutic communication.  I’m learning how to bring a baby into the world and I’m learning how to peaceful help a patient leave this world.

The first day of class was incredibly nerve racking.  What would I be learning? What would they expect? What if I humiliate myself? What if I’m not as smart as everyone else?  What if I’m too young? What if I’m too old? What if I wear the wrong outfit? What if I bought the wrong books? What if they ask me questions that I don’t know? What if they meant to accept a different Callie Carter and I got her letter by mistake?

I walked in and felt at ease.  I recognized a few familiar faces and, to my surprise, wasn’t the oldest in the class.  Or the youngest.  I sat by a long time friend and together we put on our glove, gown, mask and face shield.  Symbolically representing the protection we would need through the next 12 months of our lives.

I remember telling my family several times over and over, “There is no way I’m going to learn this material.”  And then, one week later I’d report back with a smile and a grade above passing.
I remember our instructor playing repeat over and over in my mind. “80% is good," she would tell us.

Monday we would get a dose of heavy information.  Tuesday we would review it.  Wednesday we would get another heavy dose of completely different information.  Thursday and Friday we would spend at clinicals practicing our skills.  Saturday and Sunday would spent working.  And then back again on Monday for another dose of new information.

My last day of clinical, as I was meeting with Chantal and she was doing my clinical evaluation and she was giving my pointers and reminding me of things to help me be a better nurse.  She had me sign the bottom of my name and as I did so she said "Just think, soon enough you'll be adding an LPN at the end of that name."   My heart filled with emotion, my eyes teared up and I got a huge smile on my face.

I don't know how I fit in time to study.  I don't know where I stored the information in my already extremely full brain.  I don't know how I learned to pull that information  and regergitate it on a test.  I don't know how I rememberd the different diseases, medications, side effects.  I don't know where I stored the information about newborns, infants, toddlers, adults and geriatrics.  I don't know how I remembered the contraindications, the recommendations, and the things to report to the doctor.   

But, I'll never forget the friends that I made.  I'll never forget the inside jokes we had.  I won't forget the way everyone made me feel, knowing I wasn't in this alone.  The late night texts I received reminding me to study or the "Don't forget to wear your scrubs tomorrow."  I won't forget the conversations we had at lunch about our families, about the things we have given up to study.  I won't forget the games we played during class, the notes that we passed, the comments we made, just to keep ourselves motivated.  I will always remember the pictures we took, the funny faces we pulled and the humor that our class carried with us everywhere we went.  I won't forget how loud and proud our class is and all the several hundred times we were told to please keep it down.

It's true what they say: nursing school is hard.  It's a year of complete dedication and it's a year of full attention.  It's demanding.  It's exhausting. It's tiring.  It's overwhelming. It's chaotic.  And it's madness.  But, it's 100% worth it.  It's everything I've wanted to become and it's made me a better person because of it.  I couldn't have asked for better people to go through this with.  The PN class of 2011 truly is the best class and I'm so grateful I was able to be a part of this.

Thank you, class, for being wonderful people and incredible nurses.   And thank you to my family, for always supporting me and motivating me to keep going.

Congratulations, class.
We made it.   

G R A D U A T I O N.

Hey friends.
Miss you.

Just thought I would blog to tell you that I graduate in 40 hours.
HOURS.  Not even DAYS or WEEKS or MONTHS. 
I'm counting down hours.

Isn't that veeerrd?
...name that movie.

Looking Back.

I keep a journal that I write in each night the things I did that today.  "Class. Studied at library. Caden made dinner and we snuggled up and watched survivor."  ...or whatever we did. It's nothing fancy.   And I never write about my feelings, just what I did.  

I like to keep a journal because I have a terrible memory.  So, it's fun to look back and say "Oh yeah, we DID go to the zoo that year."  Or whatever.  This journal is different, though, because it's a ten year journal.  So each page is one day, and then each line is a different year.

November 26th

2009

2010

2011

2012

ETC.

So, right now I'm on year 3 of the journal and I can look back what I did last year on this day and the year before.   

As I'm writing last night I'm looking back at what I did last year and the year before and I'm amazed at how far my life has come.  Last year I was studying for a pathophysiology test.  I was hoping to have good grades to get into the nursing program and I spent a good hunk of my life at Starbucks.   The year before, I was dating a silly boy who I know I had nothing in common with.  I didn't have any real direction and I didn't know what it was I was looking for.

And now, I'm happier than I ever have been.  

I'm engaged to the most perfect man for me.  I'm 11 days away from graduating nursing school with my LPN.   I'm getting ready to plan a wedding, look for a house and make all kinds of big-girl decisions.  

I had to take a step backwards and thank God for the way my life has turned out.  It very easily could have taken a terrible path.  I very easily could have ended up with a man who was "okay" and settled for a job other than nursing.  I could have given up when my advisor told me I'd never get into nursing.  I could have lived a very different life and it could have happened with just a few different decisions.  And that blows my mind.

I'm super grateful that things have turned out for the very best.  And I'm super grateful for everything that has happened to get me thus far.  All the heart breaks, rough times, mean things, disappointments.  All the bad decisions, mistakes, mess ups.  All the times I didn't know what to do, how to do it, where to go.  All the times I was confused, torn, upset.  All the times that I struggled. 

And mostly thankful for all the times I succeeded.   All the times God directed me down the correct path.  All the words of advice from family and friends.  All the encouragement.  All the support.  All the love.  

I truly am blessed.
And super super thankful.

Amen.

Ring-a-ling-a-ling.

Spoiled me rotten, that boy.

Nursing School Burnt-Out.

I've officially neglected blog land.

Life is crazy.

School is crazy.

I am crazy.

It's near the end of the semester.  14 days, to be exact.
Nursing school burnt out has set in.  
Focusing seems impossible.

I don't want to go to school.  Or get ready.  Or study.  Or listen to any more of a lecture, in any form.  I don't want to take another test. Hold another pencil. Look at another care plan.  I don't want to learn any new material.  I don't want to learn any new charting systems.  I don't want to learn any new hospitals.  I don't want to ever wear my scrubs again.  I never want to open another book.  

Luckily, I still want to take care of patients.  So at least I've got that going for me.  But, the rest is history.   I'm praying my test scores are good enough that I can coast through the final with minimal studying.  Because studying is dang near impossible.

I hoped the three week break between semesters could be spent snowboarding with my Caden and wedding planning, but I fear I'll spend it in bed sleeping for three weeks solid with no showers in between and minimal changing of my clothes.  

...of course I'm over-exaggerating.   I'll shower.

Sometimes.

New York City: The Proposal.

Caden flew me to New York City on a complete and random trip.   On Tuesday he asked me to get work off for the weekend.  I can never get work off for the weekend, but I told him I would try.   That night, three people said they would work for me.  This is completely unheard of, but I went with it.

Friday night me, Caden and the Hall family flew to New York City to spend the day there.  Who goes to New York City for one day?  We do.   That's who.

We arrived in New York City at 0600 and I have never been more excited/scared in my life.  People were everywhere.  And everyone was rushing.  I felt like the day after Thanksgiving sale, where everyone ran and ran and ran and no one stopped to smell the roses. 

We stopped at the 9/11 memorial building and I couldn't do anything but cry.  It's unreal to me how many lives were affected in one single day.  I can't even comprehend the tragedy and sorrow these people felt and continue to feel.   

Ground Zero was the most surreal place I've been.  It had a calm and peaceful feeling being there.  American flags were all over the place and I have never felt more proud or more united as an American.  I'm grateful that I live in the country and I'm thankful for all those who fight to keep me safe.

Tower One - Infinity fountain that continues to run and run.

We walked the streets of New York and I couldn't stop taking pictures.

Pictures of the buildings, taxis, people.

Pictures of all the booths and garbage and how smushed everything is together.

We made our way to Central Park.  ...which took some serious walking.

When we finally got there, we were all pooped.

We sat for a minute, then everyone rushed to get to this famous castle.

Why we were rushing, I had no idea.

I just went with it.

Hurry. Hurry. Hurry.

That was the theme of New York.

Maybe the Hall family was just playing along.

We made it to the castle, which was gorgeous.

Just like out of a fairytale.

Caden asked if we could make it to the top, so to the top we went.

We stopped for pictures.

...and then...

Caden asked me to be his wife.

And I said yes.

:)  :)  :)

Engaged on top of a castle in New York City.

How more perfect can that be?

Happiest moment of my entire life.

Hands down.

After the engagement I couldn't do anything except smile.

I called everyone I knew and updated my facebook status.

We took the train back to Time Square,
where I felt like shouting my good news to everyone around.

12 hours after arriving in New York, we headed home.

The most eventful 12 hours of my life.

Ground Zero. Central Park. Engagement. and Time Square.
Two plane rides.

Lots of walking.

3 subway rides.

and a new fancy ring.

I love New York.

and I love my fiance, Caden Hall.

Caden proposed with a string ring, because months ago I told him "I don't care what ring you get me.  I'll love it no matter what.  Get me a string, if you want."    So, a string he did.   :)

After the proposal we spent an hour looking in all of the ring shops to pick out a ring that I loved.   Unfortunately, I couldn't find a ring I loved more than the ring we picked out back home in Utah.  

So, Monday morning we will go pick up the second most important ring ever.

The first ring being my string ring,

that I never want to take off my finger.

Missing Pieces.

You know when you're putting together a puzzle, and you just can't make it work?  And sometimes you find a piece that "fits" and you force it in and you smush it down real hard and you think "This is definitely the right piece" but in reality you KNOW that it's definitely not.  And you keep adding pieces and taking pieces away, and turning pieces, and forcing pieces,  but you just can't finish the dang puzzle?

And then, all the sudden, you find your missing peice.  And the puzzle, all the sudden, makes complete sense.  You realize that, of course, that forced piece didn't belong there.  And "Obviously all the pieces fit together just like this.  Why didn't I think of this before? It's so obvious."  And you put together the puzzle in minutes.  Maybe even seconds.  Like this is the easiest puzzle you've ever done.



Caden is my missing puzzle piece.  He's what has been gone my whole life and why things just didn't belong where I was putting them.  I was forcing pieces of my puzzle in the wrong places.  I was turning the pieces and arranging the pieces and trying to make my puzzle work without a very important piece.  And now that I have him, my puzzle is the easiest puzzle I've ever done.  The pieces are just falling into place exactly how they should be.  One right after another, just like they are supposed to.

And I can't help but think to myself, "Obviously all the pieces fit together just like this.  Why didn't think of this before?  It's so obvious."

I don't mean to brag--

..but I totally found mine.

Days of Gratitude: Day Five, Six and Seven.

Oopsie.  I got a little behind.
How did three days pass without my noticing? Time goes quick.

1. I'm grateful for Nursing School.  I know I complain about it often and I whine about it.  I say that "it's dreadful" often and I complain that it's just way too much information and I'm going to quit the very next day.  However, I really am grateful for Nursing School.  I've learned a LOT of helpful information in a short amount of time.  Information that will be good for my children, my husband, my family.  Information good for neighbors, people and friends in my ward, and knowledge of good health.  My career choice will benefit me for my entire life and it's information that not only benefits me, but everyone that I know.   Plus, my nursing class is wicked awesome and I am super grateful I got into the program with the people that I did.  I seriously lucked out.

2. I'm grateful for my phone/computer.  Last night when Caden and I were watching Amazing Race ((love that show)), the racers were in Africa.  The Africans were walking around the streets with no shoes, no shirts, and carrying baskets on their head.  Their method of transportation was a bull and their food of choice was rotten fish.   And here I am complaining that my 3G internet on my phone isn't fast enough to search pinterest.  Uhhh, reality check. 

3. I'm super grateful for my sisters.  Both of them.   Some people don't have any sisters, and I have TWO.  Double the lucky.   Biggest sister, Candie,  keeps me laughing all day.  She's ditsy and silly and says the darndest things.  She has a heart of gold and would do absolutely anything to help me out. She knows how to throw a party and she makes friends everywhere we go.  She gets VIP to all the best clubs, she knows how to work all the bouncers into free stuff, and she always gets her way.   She's such a fun person to be around and always bubbily and laughing.   Sister two, Cassie, couldn't be more opposite than biggest sister.  Cassie is a tomboy all around.  She builds things, creates things, plants things, makes things, and fixes things.  She's rough and tough and super strong.  She fishes, she hikes, she bikes, she plays catch, she camps, she builds fires, and she's a police woman.   She, too, has a heart of gold and always has the best advice when I'm in a bind.  She calms all my fears and she looks out for me like big sisters do.   Both sisters are my best of friends and I absolutely love to spend time with them.  I still get excited to see them.  I still look forward to the holidays just to spend time with them.  And I still miss them when they are gone.   My sisters are the best sisters I could ever ask for.  And I feel a little guilty that I got two of them.

Days of Gratitude: Day Four

Today I'm grateful for an awesome nurse at clinical.  She let me do everything, instead of just watching her do it all.  She explained things. She showed me things. She taught me things.  She was happy to have me as a student and I was happy to have her as a teacher.  I learned more in one day then I have my entire time doing clinicals.  Grateful for super friendly nurses.

I'm grateful for hot showers because nothing is better then a hot shower after a 12 hour shift on your feet.  Some people don't even have hot water.  Or running water.  Or showers.   Man, I love my shower.  

I'm grateful for a boyfriend who calls me just because.  To check in with me.  To see how my day is going.  To make me smile.   And I'm grateful for the text he sent today:  "I would cancel anything to be with you.  You're my best friend."     Yep.  I cried.  Because he is that sweet that it literally brings tears to my eyes.

Lots to be grateful today, folks.
And I'm a blessed girl.  For reals.

30 days of Gratitude: Day Three

Today I am grateful for my car.   As  I was leaving the library after studying, I walked out into the blistering cold and thought "Blast, I bet my car is going to be freezing.  Sure hope my heater heats up quick."  And then I glanced over to the left and there stood a young mom and her young son waiting for the bus in the freezing cold.  They were waiting for who knows how long, and I was whining about a cold 3 minute car ride from the library to my home.  Psh.  How silly.

Which reminds me, I'm also very grateful for my home.  Which, my mom has decorated darling and it makes me feel safe and secure.  I know I can always come home, at any point in my life, and be welcomed with open arms and a mother who will accept me.  

Blessed are the little things that I so often take for granted.

30 days of Gratitude: Day Two

Day two of gratitude and I'm thankful for my Caden.   Caden has helped me become the person that I've always wanted to be.  Before Caden, I was going through the motions of life.  I was living life for me and for me alone.  Caden has made me believe in L O V E.  He is the reason I want to spend my life with someone.  He is the reason I truly believe in a Happily Ever After.  Caden has helped me find God and he has helped me grow my testimony in the Lord.  Caden is the reason that I smile ALL. DAY. LONG.   He has made me believe in laughter, love, being silly, and having fun.  He takes away all of my worries and he calms all of my fears.  He makes me feel incredibly safe and incredibly loved.  If I could describe my most perfect man, it's Caden to a T.  He's absolutely perfect and I'm beyond grateful for him.

30 days of Gratitude: Day One

Today I am grateful for my mother, who has inspired me to become the person I am today.  She has loved me through the trials, through the awful decisions I've made, through the incredibly hard roads I've taken, through the bad test scores, the happy moments, the heart breaks, the exciting news, and everywhere inbetween.  She always knows what to do and how to do it, and she makes me a better person every single day.

Halloween-y.

Thanks to Pinterest, halloween was a complete success.

We gamed.  We bobbed for Apples.  And we dressed up.
Man, I love halloween.

After the party was over, Caden left to go get Uncharted 3 at the midnight release.
He called me as he left, just to tell me what a great party it was and to thank me for the effort I put into the party.   How sweet is he?  Seriously.   He makes me smile EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.

Especially when he is dressed like Woody.

Crash. Bang. Boom.

Today I was driving home from school thinking "What should I blog about today?"
...because I think about these things when I drive.

and then all the sudden, BAM.
Semi tipped over on the side of the road.

I didn't witness it, but I'm pretty sure I was close to when the accident happened.
Cops and ambulance and firetrucks were all arriving on scene.

HUGE semi on its side.
Wicked scary.

And then I thought, as a nurse I am obligated to stop at the scene of an accident and help.  How intimidating is that?  What if their face is blown off or they are suffering from compartment syndrome or missing a limb? Am I going to know what to do?  What if I don't?  What if I all the sudden panic under the circumstances?

Ohhh dear.  

If all else false, at least I can direct traffic 
around the accident until the EMT shows up.  Right?  Right.

Halloween Ho-down.

Caden and I are throwing a halloween party.  Mostly because I  L O V E halloween.  And mostly because I wanted to dress up but had nowhere to go.

We invited about 60 people, thinking maybe 20 would come.
Now that it's getting closer to the party time, I'm getting "yes" responses from 59 of the people we invited.   Ohhh dear.  I definitely did not prepare for this.

So, I've been on pinterest finding ideas and spooky things to try.    I've been brainstorming for costume ideas and just planning bits and pieces here and there.  

And then, the most frightening thing happened.   My mom informed me that Halloween is on Monday.  M O N D A Y.   Here I am thinking I have all the time in the world to plan the most wicked, spooky, awesome halloween party ever, when in reality, I only have 6 days.  And 4 of those 6 days will be spent working and/or at clinical.    

Holy Halloween Godess, please grant me patience and a sense of creativity to pull this sucker off.

I'm slightly worried.

Dye or Kidney Diseases.

Why study at home when you can be dye your hair pink?
Seriously.

This is WAY more fun.

Positive.

Today I'm super grateful for my positivity.
Nursing school makes you grateful for these kinds of things.

It's easy to complain and moan and groan about the crap they put us through.  It's easy to get caught up in the minor details and to be overwhelmed the information.  It's easy to get angry.  

And sometimes, I do.

But today, I took a deep breathe and thought "I'm not worrying about this any longer."    And now, I don't.   I do what is asked of me and I do it to the extent of passing.   80% is passing and I am proud of my 80.

I've learned to laugh at the crazy things.  Blow them off.   Roll with the punches.  Jump through the hoops.  It's all I can do.   And since I've come to the epiphany, I've done better.  Go figure.

Less stress makes me do better.
Less stress makes me a happier person.
The less stress in my life and the greater I am.

And for that, I'm super grateful.
Happy to be happy.

Online Request.

Interwebs:

Can someone please create a website that has the organization and pictures of pinterest, the chat and email options of an instant messenger, the friendly updates and status updates of facebook, and the journal entries of blogger?   All in ONE place.

Please and Thank You.

Printing. Not Studying. and Naked Girls Dancing.

Goal for the week: blog daily.
That might be a little excessive, but really, I need to blog more.

First, speaking of blogging, I talked to my coworker.   She told me how to print my blog.   That's super exciting news, because I don't feel like I need the past 2 years of my life on my blog any longer.  But, I don't really want to delete it either.   S O L U T I O N.     Exciting.

Second, 44 days until I graduate and I'm counting the days.  It can not possibly come soon enough.   Studying has been the worst lately.  It began as studying daily, and studying ahead of time.  Then, it decreased to studying just a few days before the test,  a chapter at a time.  Then, it came down to cramming the night before the test and studying the most important information.  Now, I'm close to resorting to not studying at all and just rolling with what I absorbed in the 6 hours of lecture.  Next week, it might be as bad as not going to class ever.   And the week after that it might be not even taking the test at all.    Words of encouragement would be greatly appreciated.  Heaven knows I need it.

Last, as I blog in the community library, the girl across from me is watching music videos.  She's maybe 7 and she's watching some rapper guy dance around women in swim suits and shaking their thang.   Makes me scared to have children.   Also, makes me realize that I'm turning into an old woman instead of a young hip teenager.

Ohhhh dear.

Catchup. Ketchup. Catsup.

Blogger, I miss you.
I want to blog but I feel so far behind it's overwhelming.

It's insane how happy I am.

I N S A N E.

It's like everything I have ever wanted in my entire life is all happening,
all at once, at this very moment.

I graduate with my LPN in 7 weeks. 
That's no time at all.    
I worry if I'll be ready to be a Nurse.
But thrilled to be working with a degree I've been pursuing.  It's like the effort and time and studying is finally paying off.  Like I'm finally getting my reward.   It's so refreshing.
Although I still have another year, possibly two, of schooling.   It's still nice to finally obtain a degree that is worth something and a degree that qualifies me to do more in my job.  

Caden and I have talked about marriage for months now.  Several months.    But, it's finally coming into reality that I am going to be married within the next year.   I'm starting to obsess about the wedding and being married.   I sit down to study and moments later I'm looking at wedding dresses, wedding colors, and randomly writing names down for a guest list.   It's so distracting.   Yet, so much fun.   I have about 1000 pictures on pinterest of wedding ideas.   Maybe 10,000.  I'm not sure.

Speaking of pinterest.  Holy addicting.

I can't get off this blasted website.

So, here I am.  Stuck somewhere in limbo.   I am so close to graduation. So close to marriage.  So close to buying a house.   So close to my happily ever after.    And I just am waiting patiently for it all to unfold.

Patiently Impatient.

Desert.

My whole life has been like a desert, and I was trapped somewhere in the middle.   I knew that I was looking for water, but I wasn't exactly sure how to find it.  So I just kept walking and walking, hoping I'd stumble across it.   Never giving up and constantly moving forward, because I knew that stalling would cause me to collapse, I just kept walking in hopes of stumbling across some desperately needed water. 

And now, I've reached a point where I know where the water is.  I see it in plain view and, if water had a smell, I can definitely smell it.   It's making my mouth water and it's making me fill with anticipation.

 
But, as much as I want to, I know that I can't run for this water.   I have to patiently walk towards it, hoping not to tire out before I get there.   I know that I can't sprint and I know that I can't hurry.   I have to go slow, pace myself, and in due time, I'll get there. 

 
So, patiently I wait.

And patiently I walk.

...and eventually I'll make it.

 
But man, oh man.  I sure am T H I R S T Y.

Nursing School: Advice.

I've learned some things in school that may or may not be helpful.
Not quite as good as Estelle's Guide to Nursing School, but this is my version.

First and foremost, when someone asks me about Nursing School, my first response is that it's not the material that is hard.  The hard part is time management.  It's not uncommon for an instructor to pile on 56 hours of homework in a 24 hour time frame.  It always seems impossible to accomplish and every single time I think "This time it cannot be done.  This time it's too much asked of me."  But every singe time, I get it finished.

I love to organize and that makes my life much easier and simple.   I have a calendar on the front of my binder that breaks down everything I need to do by the day.   And I look at it EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.   

 Then, I have a white board behind my bedroom door that breaks down my week.   Every Sunday I write on my white board to remind myself what I have to do the week to come.  It's conveniently placed behind my bedroom door so I stare at it as I fall asleep.

Finally, on weeks that are particullary busy, I break down my day be the hour.
Sometimes I have to go as far as to budget time to shower and when I will sleep.  Sometimes it gets that out of control.

Being organized saves me a TON of stress.  I function best when I know what's coming and what's ahead of me.   And I've learned that if I have free time, I am forgetting to do something.  Free time is unheard of in Nursing School.

Studying is a matter of trial and error.  I've tried reading the chapters.  I've tried drawing diagrams.  I've tried studying alone.  I've tried studying with groups.  I've tried cramming.  I've tried breaking it up into 3 hours a day.   I've tried almost everything, and you have to find what works best for you.   I never read.  Reading stresses me out.  While reading I always think "I'm never going to remember all of this information," and so I never do remember.   For some people, reading works.  For me, it's a waste of time.    

My method: I like to study alone for a solid 5 hours.  I read my notes and try to come up with silly ways to remember.    Then, I meet with a group and I review the things I've learned.   Group study does wonders for me.  It's a way to learn things from a different perspective and it's a nice support system to have friends who know what you're experiencing.  Two shouts for group study.  HOORAY.

Test day morning I like to wake up early and take my time getting ready.  I have found I do best on a test when I feel pretty.  Sounds ridiculous, but true.  If my hair is done, my makeup is on and I smell like roses, I usually do well.  I like to take my time in the mornings so I don't feel rushed and add added stress in my life.   And, as we all know, I eat a balanced breakfast ahead of time.  I say a small prayer right before I hit "begin test" and I pray for strength and confidence.  Helps having God on your side, eh?

Class time is important, and I still struggle with this idea.   When I'm in class, I need to remember to be IN CLASS.   No Angry Birds, no Tetris, no Facebook.   Focus.  Listen to what the instructor is saying.  Take notes.  Come up with cheesy ways to remember things.   i.e. Sodium is in the cell. Potassium is out of the cell.   Saying: "SO I'm in.  K+ I'm out."   Helps me remember.    Listen to the comments your instructor makes.  Usually he/she will hint important topics like saying it three or four times.   That's probably important.  Write it down.

Make friends with your classmates.  This is no longer a competition.  We are all in this together.   Encourage each other.  Lean on each other.  Talk to each other.   These are the only people in your life who know E X A C T L Y what you're going through.   They are experiencing the same things you are.  And, you are going to spend more time with these people then you are with your family and friends.   Two years with these folks, get to know them.  Plus, our class has grown accustom to sharing notes and sharing links and sharing diagrams they've created.  We like to share ways to study and it's so helpful.

Speaking of sharing links, FlashCardExchange is incredible.  I love flashcards and this website has made it easy for my class to break up the material and share notecards.  You make some flashcards on this topic, I'll make some flashcards on that topic and then we will share notes.   Saves time and super efficient.

Take time for yourself.  I know it feels impossible.  There are only 24 hours in a day and 23 of it are spent preparing to study, studying, or learning the material to study.   But, the last 1 hour of the day should be spent doing something you enjoy--and sleeping doesn't count.   Force yourself to do something fun and spend some time with something/someone you love.  I try to plan my week so that the weekend is spent with no school involved.  I work Saturday and Sunday, but once I'm off of work, I'm free to relax.  I don't think about school.  I don't look at my homework.  I pretend it doesn't exist.  Just for those two days.    Some people aren't as lucky as me and some people have to work more hours, but even if it's only for an hour, make time for you.

Nursing school is about jumping through hoops.  Your instructor is going to tell you how to dress, how to act, how to talk.  She's going to ban you from nail polish, crazy hair styles, strong perfume and hair dye.  She's not going to allow for texting, laughing during class, or any sort of fun.   Don't argue.  Don't fight back.  Just go with it.   Laugh about it.  It's ridiculous and it's absurd and it doesn't make any sense, but you're not going to win.  She is.  So, why fight it?

Lastly, be proud of your accomplishments.  It's easy to compare yourself to others.   Be proud of the things that YOU have done.  You made it into Nursing School.  You've been accepted.  You're passing the tests.  You haven't been kicked out of the program.  And, you haven't killed a patient yet.  No matter how awful or terrible you may feel, you're better than the 247 applicants who didn't get accepted.   Be proud of that.  and Be PROUD of you.

And remember, in just two years, you get to add two letters to your name.

"Callie Ann, R. N."

Supporting Me.

It's easy to lose your mind in Nursing School.
It's easy to feel over-whelmed and crazy and depressed.
It's easy to feel like you're never going to survive and
you're never going to make it through.
It's easy to feel inadequate and unprepared and behind.
Natural in Nursing School.

However, I feel calm and collected.

and I can only blame that on my incredible support system.

Before I head off to school, my mom wishes me a good day and tells me that she loves me.  She never forgets to remind me how much I mean to her.   When I return from school, she takes a minute to ask me how my day was.  When I bomb a test, she is the first to consul me and hug away my tears.   And when I do well, she is the first to congratulate me and remind me how smart I am.   My mom is proud of everything that I do, whether it's a C+ or an A+.   My mom acknowledges me for my hard work and she reminds me how far I've come in a world of crazy.   She makes me feel like the smartest, prettiest, greatest girl and for that, I'm forever grateful.

My Caden has been incredibly supportive through this entire thing.   All summer I stressed and worried about how little I'd be able to see Caden.  I worried that he would be fed up with my studying and I worried that he would find someone else to keep him occupied, since my time would be spent studying.   However, to my surprise, Caden has been incredibly supportive and by my side every step of the way.  He has encouraged me to do better and loved my despite my faults.  He has congratulated me for every test score and listened to all my stories about the things that I've learned and the people I've met.   He is patient with me when I have a break down and he listens to me when I cry.   He understands when I have to stay in to finish a late assignment and he always makes sure that I'm doing okay.

My support system is incredible, and I can contribute all of my success to them.  Without them, I would have given up long ago.  Without the encouragement throughout my life and my nursing career, I would have never thought I was good enough.  I would have never thought I was smart enough.  I would have never believed I could.

And each day I'm reminded that I can.  

And that I will.  

And that I am.

And I couldn't thank them enough.

Busy Nursing Bee.

I feel lost without blogger.
I miss it, terribly.

Nursing School has been...busy.
That's the best word for it.

Who has time to blog when we cover 9 chapters of material in 32 hours of class time? Plus, two tests to study for.  And a presentation to create and present.  And 2 days of clinicals.  And a 15 page paper to type about our patient from first day clinical.    And another 3 page paper about the second patient we received on the second day of clinical.    All of this is completed in 192 hours.

And that's only what is asked of us.

And on top of that, add 24 hours of working.

What's crazy is, I don't even have it the worst.  There are people in my class working 40 hours a week to support a family and children.  They come home to dinner, dishes, laundry, and a spouse.  

It's no wonder people are at their breaking point.

We have someone in our class crying, daily. 
Someone who is threatening to drop the program completely.
Some who make jokes just to keep from crying.
Some who sleep during class, because the other hours of the day are too busy.

It's madness.

And it's set up in this fashion to weed out those who can't handle it.   Nursing is stressful.  Sometimes you don't sleep. Sometimes you don't get to see your family. Sometimes there is so much information and tasks on your plate, you have to learn to prioritize and weed out what's less important.   That's nursing.   That's how it's done.    And that's what they are preparing us for.

All I can say is, bring it on.

Maybe I'll survive, maybe I won't.

But I'm definitely going to try.



Trying to Study.

So, here I am, studying at the library.
And some man is yelling/swearing/grabbing at this children as he randomly surfs the internet.

A W K W A R D.

Grasshoppers for Mom.

My mom hates grasshoppers.
HATES them.

She hates them as much as mice hate cats

and as much as water hates oil

and as much as teeth hate cavities.  

H A T E S.

So, I thought it would be a good idea to catch one and bring it home for her.

S U R P R I S E.

Not her most favorite surprise, but still a good one.

Raining.

I'm sensing a rain storm.
I feel it coming and I'm wicked excited.

Ohhh, how I love the rain.

Spending the day at the library in a rain storm with a hot chocolate.
H E A V E N L Y.

6 months with Caden.

March 11th, 2011 was my first date with Caden.

I was dressed and ready to go snowboarding with my family and he had been texting me all morning.  He mentioned that we should go longboarding sometime and I reminded him how absolutely uncoordinated I am on anything, other than a snowboard.  He insisted we go and he asked for directions to my house.  He showed up within seconds and I panicked.  I wasn't ready or prepared and I was still in my snowboarding gear.  Oh dear.

We went for a ride around my neighborhood and I remember him holding on to my waist as we sailed down the road.  Instant butterflies.  As we rode and laughed and smiled, I never would have guessed that this man would be my forever.  Never.

6 months later and I can't believe how absolutely perfect Caden is.   He has every quality I could want in a friend, in a boyfriend, in a husband, in a father for my children, in a companion.   He's always doing everything he can to make me happy.  He is constantly checking on me and making sure I'm doing okay.  He senses when I'm upset and when I'm worried and he is the first to calm my fears in a second.   He's inspiring.  He's motivating.  He always makes me laugh and he is silly.  He's so silly.   He sings to me in the car.  He does silly dance moves.  He is witty and always coming up with new and better ways to make me smile.  He lets me fall asleep on his chest during every single movie we watch.  He sings along to Anastasia and Tangled.   He takes me with him everywhere and he is there for anything and everything that I need him for.

When I think about him and having him as my future husband, I literally get tears in my eyes.  He makes me happier than any person ever has before.  He means more to me than any person or anything ever has.  There is no doubt in my mind that I am supposed to be with Caden.  I just can't believe I finally found him.  Our story is like a fairy tale, all starting with Mashed Potatoes.  And it continually gets better every single day.   I'm lucky to have him and I will never ever let him go.

Happy six months, babe.

Here's to 29949494993922929 more.

Mormon Message - Testimony

I'm not a history buff, nor have I ever been.  

History bores me to tears.  T E A R S.

What happened in the past does not interest me and I don't know how or why it's relevant.  What is important to me is how I'm living my life now.  How does the past affect my current situation.  How do I plan to live from here until forever.   Not the past.   It's boring and it's over.   So, let's move on.

So, when I try to justify my testimony in the church and my beliefs, it's not based on the history of church.  It's not based on the foundation and how the church came to be.   It's based on how the church lives now.   My testimony is based on how the church makes me feel.  My testimony stems from the things I have personally felt and the goals I have set for myself.

I don't know much about Joseph Smith.  I don't know much about how the church was founded and created.  I don't know much about what the church used to believe or the rules and regulations that the previous prophets taught. 

What I do know is what is current: 

• God answers prayers.  
• Spending Sundays in church makes me 
  feel better and makes me want to do better.  
• My church has great guidelines that I, personally, want to live by.

I don't think being Mormon makes me a better person than being Catholic or Muslim or Jehova-Witness or Atheist.  I don't think some are going to hell for not believing what I believe.  I don't believe the everyone must live by the same standards that I live by.   This is solely a personal choice.  Soley based on how it makes me feel.  

I hope, one day, I learn about the history.  I hope to grow my testimony and learn why things make me feel as good and as wonderful as they do.  I hope I continue to grow as a person and I hope I continue to strengthen my testimony in the church

But for now, if I go to church soley because it makes me feel better and do better, that's a good enough reason for me.

Say Something Nice.

'member how obsessed I am with the "Free Hugs" campaign?
This is almost just as great.

Thanks, Jessica, for sharing.
LOVE this.

Longboard.

This is Caden slaving away on my brand new longboard.  Him and his buddy put it together for me and it turned out absolutely perfect.

It's pink and it's girly and
it was made by my Caden.
What's not to love, seriously?

Loo Hoo is what Caden calls me.
It's his nickname for me.  
Super cute.

Now I just need to figure out 

how to ride this thing and I'll be set.

Don't Forget.

I've got two tests and a paper to write.

But one day, when nursing school doesn't consume my life, remind me to tell you about: the most perfect weekend, 6 months of pure bliss with Caden, my darling grandparents moving and my cute new longboard.

.....only slightly behind in blogging land.

Nursing Cry.

Sometimes I feel like my life is consumed by nursing school.
And sometimes I feel like it's completely worth it.

Other times, I sit and stew about how much I miss having a social life and how much I miss being able to see my Caden.   Yesterday, was one of those kinds of days.   The first time I saw him was at 9pm and it was for one hour.  Just long enough to hug him, kiss him, tell him I love him, watch an episode of Community and then cry all the way home.  

The only thing holding me together is to remember that it's only for one more year.   And, in the long run, it's not only going to benefit me and my paycheck, it's going to also benefit Caden and our family.   Nursing will make me a better wife, a better mother, and a better person.

Nursing will be worth it in the end.

.... I just have to make it that far.

Replaced.

Well, not QUITE as good as this

But, slightly more healthy.

Bah-humbug.

Ohhh, sweet Pumpkin Spice.

How I miss you.