As the days get closer to Hazel's deliver, people ask me if I'm ready to have this baby.
Yes and No.
Yes, I would love to meet baby Hazel and hold her and squeeze her and finally see what she truly looks like. Yes, I would love to dress her up in all the fun clothes and to do her hair a thousand different times a day.
But No, I'm not ready to give up the time I have with her. Our one on one time is something I will forever treasure and I will miss terribly once she is no longer with my 24 hours a day. I will miss her tiny little feet and playing chase with them across my tummy. I will miss her movements all day long and the constant reminder that she is safe and alive inside. I will miss her baby hiccups that always make me smile. I will miss the way Caden rubs my belly and how he talks to her and tells her how pretty she is.
I love being pregnant, and it's bitter sweet for me that it is coming to an end.
No longer is our time husband and wife time. We now have a baby that requires a good chunk of our time. Our lives are forever changed. We are forever parents, for the rest of eternity. We now have to plan date nights around baby-sitters and plan our work schedules in a way that allows Hazel to be with one of us as much as possible.
It's a weird transition, from Husband-Wife to Family.
Of course, I'm thrilled to be a mother and to raise a family. I've got this overwhelming desire to provide for a family and to do motherly things with my children. I admire those parents who surround their lives around their children--going to the park, the zoo, the theme parks, the pond, the climbing gym, etc. I admire those who do crafts with their children and send packed lunch to school with a note attached reminding them how much they are loved.
That's the kind of mom I am excited to be and that makes giving up pregnancy a little easier.
...a little.
So, although I only have 19 days left of pregnancy, I'm trying to enjoy these last moments with Hazel inside and I'm trying to soak up all the enjoyments and funny moments about being pregnant.
I'm told that it only gets more and more fun as they grow, so I'm soaking up each step of the way.
1 comment:
I remember all those feelings. So comforting having them with you and safe inside. The emotions of wanting to protect them from the world is overwhelming... I am happy you are enjoying every moment..I promise you will never forget these moments. Being a Mother and grandma is my biggest joy in the whole world.
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