Adjusting to two children has hit me harder than I thought it might. My husband is gone more than he is home. My siblings and mother are in constant trouble surrounded by heartaches and hecticness. My in-laws are experiencing an upcoming marriage and soon-to-be missionary.
I feel like everywhere I go is chaotic and I'm searching for a calm.
I hate when my husband is gone.
I hate that I am struggling juggling two children and I want it to be easier than it is.
I worry about my siblings and mom, and want them to find a relationship that lasts. For all three of them.
I worry about finances, medical bills, student loans, and working part-time instead of full-time.
I hate cleaning my house, yet I want my house cleaned always.
And sometimes I cry over chipped nail polish.
I feel a bit like I'm drowning. And then I worry that I'm not adequate enough to keep up.
Maybe just a rough patch. Maybe a lot of stress. Maybe a bit of postpartum blues. But whatever the case, I hope of gets fixed ASAP.
1 comment:
I feel you 100%. Pregnancy is a funny thing. You carry around this tiny person everywhere you go. You anticipate their arrival and you daydream about what they will look like. Visions of perfectly posed pictures and pure bliss as you all spend glorious sun filled mornings snuggling in bed, full of laughter and smiles. Then you deliver. Kids are hard. Life is hard. Being alone is hard.
Nearly everyday I think I'm paddling upstream. Just trying to survive. Feeling exhausted beyond belief, short tempered, lazy and overall just like curling up into a ball and crying my eyes out.
Our situations are similar, so I understand wholeheartedly your feelings. Having your husband in school while working is so hard. Just this early am as I was struggling to get my baby to sleep while holding my own eyelids up with clothes pins, I saw him. Just snuggled up so peacefully sleeping away. The thoughts I had weren't nice. I wished I had a job to go to, a reason to sleep through it all.
Then I remember, if even for a minute, this is temporary. Soon there will be no more school. Soon we will finally be in a home with a yard and not attached to someone. Soon I will sleep through the night and long for my baby to snuggle on my chest.
I wish I had the answers to make it all better. The magic solution.. Ya know other than a nanny, maid and enormous trust fund. Just know I'm her for you. Understanding what you're going through.
Hang tight. Text me anytime. We will get through this.
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