Father's Day : mixed emotions.

Mixed emotions on this Fathers Day.   

Fathers Day has usually been a difficult holiday for my family growing up.  Just a giant day to remind us that our Dad isn't here.  It's usually full of tears a heart ache and a lot of difficult emotions.   

Not knowing or remembering my dad makes these emotions even more confusing.   How can I be so sad and miss someone so much who I don't even remember, or really know?  

This year, we have now lost both sets of my Grandpas.   My moms Dad, as well as my Dads Dad.   We are a family without Dads, making Fathers Day a bummer of a holiday.  

And then I turn my frown upside down and I am reminded of my mother, who was a mother AND a father.  Who raised us three girls to be very strong and very independent.   

I'm reminded of my uncles and cousins who have been the "men of the house" when we needed some muscle, or some rough and tough in our lives.  

And, of course, I'm reminded of my incredible husband who is just 23 days away from being a father.   Just that sentence makes my eyes tear with joy. NOTHING makes me happier than raising children with Cade.   He is so very patient and kind, with such a love for anything fun, exciting and child-related.   He has the biggest heart and has been so loving towards me during this entire pregnancy. 

Watching him talk about Hazel and seeing his face beam with pride, the way he holds my tummy while we watch TV, when he talks to Hazel and tells her what a "pretty princess" she is, and when he makes plans for the future to include long boarding with her on his back, taking her to Disneyland to meet the princesses, and picnicking on the lawn while she crawls in the grass. 

Father's Day is no longer something to be sad about, because I have been very very blessed.   Although my Dad and grandparents are not physically here, I have the comfort knowing they are around when I need them.  I have a mother who is an incredible and inspiring woman that I look up to in every way, I have men who, although are not my father, they are great role models to me and my sisters, and I have Caden who has been the best example of what a father and a husband can and should be. 

Cheers to Fathers, of all shapes and sizes.  And thanks for making me remember how blessed and loved I truly am.   ❤

Daddy and Daughter.

 

Pictures like this melt my heart on so many levels.   

I tear up every time I think about Caden raising Hazel and what a good Daddy he is going to be.

As a girl we grew up with a true father in her life, I know how crucial it is to have a strong and respectable man in her life.  The things that Caden will teach Hazel is unlike anything I, or anyone else, can teach her.  

A little girl looks up to her daddy and will forever compare all men she dates to her dad.  ...and Caden is such a perfect example of a man I want Hazel to meet. 

The thought of Caden rocking Hazel to sleep, changing her diaper, and picking out her outfits is such an overwhelming feeling of love and happiness.  I can't even comprehend that much bliss. 

I know I say this way too often, and it's mushy and cliche and silly, but I truly am so grateful for Caden and Hazel.   And any other babies to come.   I am so so blessed and so so happy. 

And this picture just makes me way too excited for my own family photo.  

Creating a Plan

Miss Hazel will be here is less than 1 month.   

Holy smokes. 

It still hasn't sunk in that we are having a baby, or that this movement inside me is going to come out.   It's very bizzare but extremely exciting. 

I think often about laboring and what to expect or how it will go.  I think about who I want to be in the room and who I hope comes to visit after.   It's such a special and very exciting time, how do you choose who to include or not include? And how do you do so without hurting feelings? 

I think about all the advice I'll be getting, from anyone who is anyone.   And how much advice I've already gotten: give her a binky, don't give her a binky, wake her every 4 hours, never wake a sleeping baby, breast-feed, supplement, pump, offer the breast, stay home as long as possible, return to work at 6 weeks, work days, work nights, etc. etc. 

It's all contradicting information and it's all so very overwhelming.  Of course I want to be the best Mom I can, and so I read a lot of websites and ask for advice frequently but it's difficult weeding out the bull crap and choosing a plan that works best for us. 

I'm told that Hazel and us will figure it out together, and Caden and I will come up with a plan that works for our family.   

...I just pray that plan develops quickly.  

4 more weeks and counting.

Xo

Safe in the Womb.

People often ask me if I'm counting down the days until I deliver, or if I'm dying to get this baby out of me.   

Truth is, I prefer her to stay inside up until her due date.   

At least in the womb, I know where she is at all times.  I know who is talking to her, who is being mean to her, who is making her upset.  I know what she is doing, and the crowd she is hanging out with.  

I like her in the womb, free from all the crazy in this world and all that can and may corrupt this innocent little mind of hers.  

Yes, I prefer her to keep baking until July 9th.  And then after that, I'll lock her in a tall tower free from harm. 

....kidding.

Hobbies: don't got 'em.

Caden is big on hobbies.  And when he does something, he does it with all his might.  He researches it, finds the best product, buys every edition possible, researches it some more and gets all his friends invested: Magic the Gathering, long boarding, League of Legends, etc. 

I, however, have zero hobbies. Besides cooking and cleaning the house, my fun is pretty limited.   (I love to cook and clean the house, makes me feel all domestic.)   So, when Caden is gone to work, I feel like a lost pup.   What to do with my free time?!   

I've been a student at WSU for the past 8 years.  My free time consisted of making flash cards and memorizing anything and everything related to the medical field.   Now that chapter of my life is over and I don't know where to pick up with the next.  

I'm hoping baby will entertain my day while Caden is away, but until then, I'm going slightly stir crazy...

35 more days.

This week has been an emotional week for me.  I've come to realize that Miss Hazel is making her big debut in just 5 weeks and, of course I'm excited, but also I'm sad for pregnancy to end. 

I have loved everything about being pregnant.  I love rubbing my tummy, I love feeling her kick, I love watching her grow, I love that she depends only on me for her needs, I love that she is safe inside with nothing to harm or corrupt her, I love that she is always with me in a that I do.   I'm not sure I'm ready for this stage to be over and I want more time with her, just me and Haze.   

It's such a bizzare feeling knowing Caden and I will be parents, and what a change that will be to our routine.  I have been reading parenting books and trying to get advice from anyone and everyone, but how do you truly prepare for this type of event? It's such a big, big change and I pray that we are ready. 

Picturing Caden with Hazel makes me cry every. single. time.   Nothing makes me happier than knowing Caden is the daddy of this baby.  He is the man of her world and will be her first love, her first main squeeze.  He is the one to teach her about respect, and dating, and how to longboard.   He has already been watching YouTube videos to learn how to braid her hair and he's researched how to put together an outfit: shirt, skirt, leggings.   He holds my belly while we drive, while we sleep, and while we watch TV and every time she kicks, he is the proudest most happiest pappa.  He is already such an incredible father and I'm so grateful that we are in this together.  

As much as I love being pregnant, I pray that each step of parenting is just as fun. I'm told that each step gets more fun and I can't imagine having MORE love for Hazel than I already do.   

5 more weeks, a few more pounds, and hours of labor until this little gem is here. Until then, I'll enjoy my 24-7 time with Miss Hazel May.  

Anniversary and My Marriage Tips.

May 11th was our anniversary.   It's so odd to think that an entire year has gone by.  SO SO much has happened in those twelve months and it has been completely and utterly perfect, in every way possible.  Sometimes I feel like my life is a Hallmark movie, way too good to be true.  

I've always heard that the first year of marriage is the hardest.  I've heard if you can make it through the first year of marriage, you can make it through 80 more.   Well, we made it and it wasn't even the least bit hard.  Maybe we are still in the "honeymoon" phase, maybe my love for Caden is way beyond anything realistic, maybe Caden and I make a really great team, or maybe it's a combination of all three.   At any rate, I've decided to make a list of things for me to remember and things to help our marriage get better and better as the years go on.

Date Night: Date night is something I look forward to each week in our marriage.  I love getting dressed up and I love when Caden wears cologne.  It makes me feel special knowing the time he took to plan something fun for us and to do something other than watching television together on the couch.  Plus, it's a chance for us to spend time together one-on-one without technology and interruptions.  It makes me feel special and it makes me feel like we are still "young and lively".  

Get dressed up: Marriage can make a person lazy.  You start to see each other in your worst: morning breath, lions hair, sleepy eyes, etc.   So, I enjoy a lot when we get dressed up for one another.  I love when Caden wears cologne and I love when he takes the time to trim his beard and wear my favorite shirt.   I also love to get dressed up and be told I am pretty.   Even if we have no where to go, I still try to get ready and look presentable for when Caden gets home. 

Kiss and "I love you": We kiss all the time, all day long.   We also tell each other "I love you" about 20+ times a day, no exaggeration.  For some couples, this may seem like way too much and way too overbearing/mushy gooshy.  I, however, love it very much.  I am a girl who needs constant reassuring and constant feedback.  So, it is very helpful for me to hear this daily and multiple times a day.   Caden and I kiss every morning, every night, every time we part each other and every time we reunite.  It's the first thing either of us do when we see each other and it always makes me smile.   Even if we are only gone for a short time, he still kisses me when he comes back and it makes me a very happy wife.

Compliments: I am a big fan of compliments.  I like to hear that I'm pretty or that I smell good.  I also like to give compliments.  I think it does a wonderful thing for a relationship if you are able to build up the person you are with.  Even when I look like death, Caden will always find a way to compliment my awesome morning hair or the way I made the bed.   No matter what I do or how I do it, Caden finds the good in it.   Our temple sealer told Caden: "If Callie burns the meat, you tell her that is the best burnt meat you have ever eaten" and that is exactly what Caden does.   Compliments go a long long way in a marriage.

Say Nice Things: I work with and go to school with a lot of women who dog on their husbands.  ie: How lazy they are, how they never help, how they complain, how they are awful cooks, yadda yadda yadda.   I've never been a big fan of that idea because 1) It's not fun to listen to and 2) it makes me hate their husbands.   So, instead I've decided to only tell people the good things about my husband.   Caden does that same.  I've never once known him to say something mean or hurtful about me behind my back or to my face.  Again, it goes back to building each others confidence.  Big plus in a marriage.

Do Nice Things and Remember What's Important: Caden is really good at this.  He knows how much I love cards and he makes a special effort to get me a card for every holiday.  It's a simple gesture, but I think it's extra cute when he does it.  I know that Caden really loves gummy apples so everytime I go to the store, I bring some home for him.   It's silly and it's not a big gesture, but it's really cute when these little things happen.   Notes on my car, folding the bed sheets down for me, putting in a piece of toast for me when his toast is done toasting, warming up the shower for me, etc.   These little things are big big things to me and I love all of them.

Support Each Other: Even when my ideas seem dumb or irrational, Caden will tell me that he supports me.  We talk about our ideas and our goals together all the time.  We talk about what we want to do and where we want to go with our lives.  And, we support them.   Nothing is more comforting or reassuring than knowing my husband has my back 100% in all that I do.  

Talk About Plans:  Caden is really great at this.  Before he makes plans with his buddies, he will always check with me to see what I am doing.  I have a friend who this is not the case. Her husband is always gone with his buddies and she never knows where he is or when he will be home.  Caden, however, never leaves me out of his plans and he is always putting me first before his friends, which makes me very happy.  He will ask me if we have plans this weekend before he plans a longboarding day with his buddies, that way I know that he won't be home and he won't hurt my feelings by leaving when I had something scheduled.  I don't ever mind when he goes with his buddies, but I appreciate it even more when he lets me know ahead of time.

Go to bed together: This has always been a good rule of thumb for us.  Bed time is a time when we discuss our day and talk about our plans for the next.  We cuddle, we say our prayers and we talk about things that are on our mind.  It's a very personal and intimate time for us, and I think it's important that we do it every single day.  If Caden isn't tired, I stay up with him on the couch and watch TV.  If I have to go to bed early for work, he comes to bed with me and reads his book.   It's so comforting having him there and I really look forward to our bed time together.

Quality Time: When either of us are home, we focus our attention on each other.  If I'm home, Caden puts his video games aways.  If Caden is home, I wait to clean the house or wait to look on pinterest.  Of course, there are exceptions to this rule, but for the most part when we are home together, we are home together.  

This list is every growing and adjusting, as our lives change and adjust.  But for now, these things have worked really well for us.   We have had to accomodate and discuss things with one another and talk about what was important or less important in our marriage.  Sometimes I did things Caden hated, and other times he did things that I didn't like either.   But, after a year of living together I think we have grown to know each other pretty well.  We give and take and we compromise a great deal.   Plus, we both are pretty easy going individuals, which makes a marriage even easier to get along.   

As another year passes, I hope that Caden and I continue to be happy or even happier.   I pray we remember what is important and we never forget what makes the other person happy.  The best marriage I have ever heard is from my high school seminary teacher, Brother Andersen: 

"Do everything you can to make your spouse happy, and he will do everything he can to make you happy.  Then, neither of you have to worry about yourself."   

Cheers to a year,
and hooray for infinity more.

xo

Catsup. Catch up. Ketchup.

These last few months have been eventful, to say the least.  

 

April 26th Caden and I both graduated with our Bachelor's Degrees.   His in Microbiology, mine in nursing.   I know this is super geeky of me to say, but I think I'm going to miss school.  I have been going to that same college since 2005. 

 

Slightly embarrassing to admit.  I just had a difficult time picking a major, and then a difficult time attending classes that I felt were unnecessary.  So, 2006 and 2007 were spent retaking and making up those credits.   Couple thousand dollars down the drown.    

 

However, now that all is said and down and I'm finally done, I feel a slight sense of loss.   I'm one of those folks who love to go to school.  I enjoy learning and I enjoy challenging myself.  I get a great sense of accomplishment when I check things off my "to-do" list.  So, now that that list is complete I find myself wandering in circles wondering what to do with my free time.    Caden, however, couldn't be more thrilled.   He is not one who enjoys school and he is excited about all the free time he has now.   That is until he decides to go back for his pHd.  Mr. Smarty Pants Scientist...

 

May 4th was the day Caden and I got endowed.   For those of you who are not LDS, this is the step just before you are sealed to your spouse.  It's a very spiritual experience and very cleansing/renewing type of feeling.   This is also the first day I was ever in a temple.   I spent a great deal of my life thinking the temple was out of reach for me and that I would never go inside of one.   Nor did I have a desire.  However, after meeting Caden and strengthening my testimony, I wanted nothing more than to be a part of the temple and to attend regularly.   The temple is my kind of an enviroment: peaceful, quiet, clean, organized and spirtual.   It's like the library, times 1000.   It's very surreal and extremely peaceful.  

 

Because my parents and siblings are not active in the church, I asked my Aunt Linda to be my escort through the temple process.   I am forever grateful for having her there with me and for our relationship together.   She has always been the next best thing to my mom.  She has helped raise me since I was a tiny tot and seen me at my worst and best.   To have her stand beside me as I went through the temple with Caden was so comforting and I truly appreciate having her there.

 

May 11th Caden and I celebrated our 1 year anniversary by being sealed for time and all of eternity.  I can't believe an entire year has passed and I can't believe I've been a wife for an entire year.   It has been the most magical and perfect year of my entire life.   I was married, I graudated college, I got pregnant with Hazel, and I got to share all of those experiences with my Caden.  I know I say this a lot, and I know it sounds super cheesy, but Caden makes me so dang happy.  I truly could not have hand picked a better husband for myself.   He has every single quality I look for in a fellow and I can't believe that I get to have him for the rest of eternity.  

 

Being sealed was such beautiful experience.   As I walked into the sealing room with my husband and I saw some of my family and some of my friends, it was so great having their support and their love.   Our sealer shared this advice: 1. Pray together every night.  2.  Thank Heavenly Father for your spouse.  3.  Thank each other sincerely for the hard work and efforts they do.  Lastly, speaking towards Caden, he said "If your wife burns the meat for dinner, tell her it's the best burnt meat you've ever had."   That sentence there explains my husband to a T.  Caden has never been one to put me down, to point out my flaws, to criticize me or to hurt me.  He finds the positive in everything that I do and that saying is exactly what he would say if I really did burn our dinner meat.   ...which may or may not have happened in our marriage a time or two.     I'm just forever grateful for Caden and to be sealed to him.  It was such a beautiful ceremony and so great to see the family and friends there to support us.  

 

It's been such a fun-filled few weeks of festivities.   Life is happening and it's happening fast.  I feel like all the puzzle pieces and goals are moving along so well and everything is fitting perfectly into place. 

 

...and it's one beautiful puzzle indeed.

 

 

Callie Carter Hall

Registered NurseJoint and Spine

Catsup. Catch up. Ketchup.

These last few months have been eventful, to say the least.  

 

April 26th Caden and I both graduated with our Bachelor's Degrees.   His in Microbiology, mine in nursing.   I know this is super geeky of me to say, but I think I'm going to miss school.  I have been going to that same college since 2005. 

 

Slightly embarrassing to admit.  I just had a difficult time picking a major, and then a difficult time attending classes that I felt were unnecessary.  So, 2006 and 2007 were spent retaking and making up those credits.   Couple thousand dollars down the drown.    

 

However, now that all is said and down and I'm finally done, I feel a slight sense of loss.   I'm one of those folks who love to go to school.  I enjoy learning and I enjoy challenging myself.  I get a great sense of accomplishment when I check things off my "to-do" list.  So, now that that list is complete I find myself wandering in circles wondering what to do with my free time.    Caden, however, couldn't be more thrilled.   He is not one who enjoys school and he is excited about all the free time he has now.   That is until he decides to go back for his pHd.  Mr. Smarty Pants Scientist...

 

May 4th was the day Caden and I got endowed.   For those of you who are not LDS, this is the step just before you are sealed to your spouse.  It's a very spiritual experience and very cleansing/renewing type of feeling.   This is also the first day I was ever in a temple.   I spent a great deal of my life thinking the temple was out of reach for me and that I would never go inside of one.   Nor did I have a desire.  However, after meeting Caden and strengthening my testimony, I wanted nothing more than to be a part of the temple and to attend regularly.   The temple is my kind of an enviroment: peaceful, quiet, clean, organized and spirtual.   It's like the library, times 1000.   It's very surreal and extremely peaceful.  

 

Because my parents and siblings are not active in the church, I asked my Aunt Linda to be my escort through the temple process.   I am forever grateful for having her there with me and for our relationship together.   She has always been the next best thing to my mom.  She has helped raise me since I was a tiny tot and seen me at my worst and best.   To have her stand beside me as I went through the temple with Caden was so comforting and I truly appreciate having her there.

 

May 11th Caden and I celebrated our 1 year anniversary by being sealed for time and all of eternity.  I can't believe an entire year has passed and I can't believe I've been a wife for an entire year.   It has been the most magical and perfect year of my entire life.   I was married, I graudated college, I got pregnant with Hazel, and I got to share all of those experiences with my Caden.  I know I say this a lot, and I know it sounds super cheesy, but Caden makes me so dang happy.  I truly could not have hand picked a better husband for myself.   He has every single quality I look for in a fellow and I can't believe that I get to have him for the rest of eternity.  

 

Being sealed was such beautiful experience.   As I walked into the sealing room with my husband and I saw some of my family and some of my friends, it was so great having their support and their love.   Our sealer shared this advice: 1. Pray together every night.  2.  Thank Heavenly Father for your spouse.  3.  Thank each other sincerely for the hard work and efforts they do.  Lastly, speaking towards Caden, he said "If your wife burns the meat for dinner, tell her it's the best burnt meat you've ever had."   That sentence there explains my husband to a T.  Caden has never been one to put me down, to point out my flaws, to criticize me or to hurt me.  He finds the positive in everything that I do and that saying is exactly what he would say if I really did burn our dinner meat.   ...which may or may not have happened in our marriage a time or two.     I'm just forever grateful for Caden and to be sealed to him.  It was such a beautiful ceremony and so great to see the family and friends there to support us.  

 

It's been such a fun-filled few weeks of festivities.   Life is happening and it's happening fast.  I feel like all the puzzle pieces and goals are moving along so well and everything is fitting perfectly into place. 

 

...and it's one beautiful puzzle indeed.

 

 

Callie Carter Hall

Registered NurseJoint and Spine

Mom of the Year.

Having not yet been a parent, it is easy for me to see things and assume "I will never be a parent like that." I have these great ideas about not letting my child have a binki past a certain age, and making sure she is potty trained by a certain age, and having her in a cute outfit with her hair done, and never letting her sit in front of the TV for hours on end, and ensuring she learns how to read and enjoys books, and learns how to share, and eats her vegetables, and tries new things, and is friendly, and, and, and, and...

But, let's get real.

I'm going to become Mom, and I'm going to be tired and I'm going to want her to just be quiet for an extended period of time so I can rest my eyes. So, I'm going to put on Dora the Explorer and give her a bottle full of milk and let her spend the entire day in her pajamas.

Pinterest just makes being a Mom seem like such a blast. Crafts, activities, sewing projects, yummy snacks, home made lunches, etc. It all seems like a walk in the park, but Pinterest doesn't tell you about the Moms who have to work 12-hour shifts on their feet. Or the laundry that is stacked miles high because crafting has become first priority. Or the dust on the shelves that has been sitting for months on end. Or the dishes that get a good rinse but haven't gotten around to the scrub.

I just need a good dose of reality. How do I juggle being Mom of the year + Wife of the century + Nurse of the universe + Callie. How do I be 100% in every department because I'm not sure I can settle for much less than that.

Mormon Message: Wierd Dreams and a Testimony.

Last night I had the most bizarre dream.  
Something to do with singing "Santa is Coming to Town" in the middle of our church sacrament meeting and then having young children come up to ask for my autograph in their scriptures.

Blame it on the pregnancy hormones.  I'm not sure.

Anyway, as I went about my day I thought more about my dream and somehow it inspired me to write about church today.  I promise no singing will be involved.  

I keep waiting for the day that the bishop is going to ask me and Caden to speak in Sacrament meeting.  We have been in that ward for over a year and have still missed that dreaded phone call.  We've been under the radar.   However, almost weekly I think about what I might say if they asked me to speak and how I can narrow my love for the gospel and my conversion story into just a short 20 minute talk.  Seems dang near impossible.  

So much has happened within my life and within my conversion story.  Times of serious anger towards the church, times of disbelief, times of wonder and curiosity, times of absolute love and adoration, times of doubt and uncertainty and times of absolute truth.  One thing is for certain, and that is that my life has been a much easier path having the Gospel and the Lord a part of it.  

Growing up, church was something I did as a recreational event.  I attended with my friends and would go to Young Women's in hopes of learning a new craft, with no real intent in growing spiritually.  I don't remember any real great moments that I "felt the spirit" and I remember my friends being forced to go by their parents and asking me to come along as their entertainment.  

As I got older, several personal events in my life and in my families life lead me to strongly dislike the church.  I became angry with church leaders and church members and couldn't understand why my family was outcast because of things we did, or believe.   I stuck behind my family and developed feelings of rejection and did not want to be a part of something that my family could not be a part of.  I bad mouthed the religion and I said terrible things about those who practiced Mormonism faithfully.  I tried to disprove things and I argued with people who didn't have answers to my tough questions.  The more I tried to disprove the religion, the more angry I felt about it.  

A few years before I met Caden, I developed an attitude similar to Agnostic.  I was still a spiritual person and prayed when I needed comfort.  However, I didn't attend any sort of church and I wasn't sure my beliefs beyond death.  I believed in being a good person and treating others with love and respect, but didn't believe a building on Sunday is where I needed to spend my time.   I spent my time with others who had no real spiritual direction and dated people with the same ideas as me.  

And I felt empty. 

As I grew older and thought about raising children, I wanted them to have a place to learn about God.  I wanted them to experience the innocence of being a child and the love for a Heavenly Father.  I wanted to do things as a family, like night-time prayer and family nights on the town.   All these things resembling an LDS faith.   My heart wanted to be a "Molly-Mormon-Mom" but my wild teenage days were so against it.   I struggled with the idea of being a Mormon back and forth.  I investigated and I read articles by ex-Mormons and their reasoning for leaving the church.  I watched YouTube videos on the religion and I researched heavily the ideas and beliefs of the religion.

And then I met Caden.  I knew Caden had a love for the gospel and I was afraid of that.  I wanted to spend time with him, but was afraid of what he might think of my beliefs.   Not once did Caden push me to come to church, and not once did Caden shove his ideas into my head.  He let me be me and he was him, and that is the best thing that could have happened for my testimony.   As I spent more time with Caden and his family, not only did I see the love in their home but I felt it.  It was a happy place to be and I enjoyed spending my time there.  One Sunday I asked if I could join them for church and I haven't gone back to the old ways since.

I developed a love for the Gospel.  I saw and felt things in a new way.  I thought about raising a family in the Gospel and I thought about marrying a man who had a love for God.  I thought about the goals of a Mormon family and it was something that I craved about anything else.

I don't remember what day or what time or what month, but eventually I was converted.  I wanted nothing more than to be a part of the church.  I met with my bishop and I confessed absolutely everything in my past.  I told him about my party days, dating history, previous feelings about the church, etc.  He didn't ask details and he didn't ask questions.  He let me talk and cry and then he asked my feelings about the church today.  I told him how much it has made my life better, how more clean and pure I feel, how I feel excited about the future and about raising a family, and how excited I am about this new boy in my life.   The bishop cried with me and welcomed me back to church.  

And I haven't looked back since.

It's been a bumpy ride.  I've had serious lows, and I've had extreme highs.  I've gone from close to hate to absolute love for the Gospel.  Of course, I still struggle with things and I continually ask questions to learn.  But, I know that what I am doing is the best thing for me and that is something that I will cherish forever.

Amen.

Turning on a Dirt Road.

The other night we watched home videos at the Hall home.  
As we were driving home, I reminisced on how fast time truly does go and how much can happen in such a short amount of time.  Seeing Caden as a young boy, and then watching him grow up through the years was such a fun thing to see.  And, I had this overwhelming sense of pride when I watched him turn into the person he is today.  

So much has happened in his life, and my life, that could have ended terribly.  So many decisions could have been altered and we both could have ended up in very bad parts of our lives.  

It's like when you are driving down a dirt road and you are lost beyond all means.  You don't have a GPS and you aren't sure which way is home.   You come to a fork in the road and both paths look identical.  You hope for the best and turn your wheel real sharp, hoping the road you took ends up to home.    Of course, both paths have bumps and pot holes, but you keep on trucking with faith that you are going the right way.   Then, magically, you see something familiar and you get a sudden burst of energy knowing that somebody somewhere was looking out for you.   And all the sudden you can breathe easier, you can now turn back on the radio and you can jam to your favorite song knowing that everything is going to be okay.

That's my life.

I was stuck on a gross dirt road with no direction.   I came to a fork and hoped for the best, turning my wheel blindly towards what I hoped would be home.   And I ended up finding Caden and all the sudden I could breathe easy, and I could roll down my windows and let my hair flip in the wind, and I knew that everything was going to be okay.

As I drove home last night, I thought about how much could have changed if I had taken the wrong road.  I thought about how my life might be if I had stayed on that yucky dirt road.  I thought about how my job would be, how my family would be, how my love life might be.  I thought about Hazel and how life would be without having her.   And my heart was full with emotions and gratitude and such joy knowing that somebody somewhere was looking out for me. 

And knowing that I have chosen the right path.

.... and how truly great that feels.

Drive safe, friends.

xo

Sleepy nurse.

Today, working graves got the best of me. Today the sun was shining and the birds were chirping and I wanted to be out of our basement apartment. So, after Caden made us some bomb-diggity breakfast, we went to a few stores and did some things outside of our house. Normally, when I work graves, I sleep until about 1pm and then get ready for work so I don't waste a ton of energy before my twelve hour shift.

Not today.

Today I woke up at 10:00 and ran to a bunch of different stores and did some things and by the time I got to work, i was ready for a big fat nap. My body can't do what it used to be able to do, and I get tired with the simplest of things. Hazel is requiring a lot of energy to grow all those baby parts she needs.

So now I sit at work and hope and pray that my patients all sleep lovely through the night so I can rest my little body. Three more hours and counting...

Blog Friends.

Dear Chloe and Jessica,

You guys suck at blogging.

That's all.

Ketchup. Catsup. Catchup.

It's been a hot minute.

I always have seriously good intentions of posting regularly, but I just don't do it.  Then, weeks pass by and before I know it it's been almost three months since my last post.  Then, I start kicking myself wishing I had posted about all the cool and neat stuff that happened while it was fresh on my brain instead of having to pull those memories out of the archive.

 

Let's start with the obvious things--baby Hazel.   

We found out she is a girl and we named her Hazel.  Which, is the cutest most best name in all the land.  Caden and I were laying in bed one night trying to come up with something awesome.  We were both going through apps on our phone to find something that stuck out to us.  Caden suggested Hazel.  We pondered for a minute, I said it out loud a few times, and then I got teary eyed and said "Yep! Hazel!"  And I cried a little, because crying is what I do best these days, and I said "Did we just pick our babies name?"  And Caden said "Yep, we did."   And it was decided.       My family thinks its an old-lady-maid name, but I told them they would grow to love it.  After a few weeks, they have.  I'm always right.  

 

She just started kicking this week.  I was working one night and drank a coca-cola.  Apparently she's a big fan of the caffeine because she kicked me almost instantly.   I thougth to myself "what the heck was that?"  And then I remembered there is a baby in there and it was probably her kicking around.   She only did it that one time so I talked myself out of it, thinking maybe it was just awesome gas pains.   Then, the next day she did it a couple more times.  And then the next day a few more times.  And now she kicks me quite a bit and it's the neatest thing in all the land.  It's such a comforting reminder that she is in there and she's happy and she's swimming and she's loving it.   She's a happy babe, which I think is pretty dang cool.

 

School has been rough being pregnant.  Not that it's hard, but I just lack some serious motivation.   I only attend on-campus class twice a month, the rest is online.  However, those twice-a-month days are a real drag.  I strongly dislike mornings now that I work nights and trying to roll myself out of bed at 0700 to put on some makeup and brush my teeth is a definite struggle.   However, school is winding down and both Caden and I graudate in April.   Hellelujah!   I'm sure I'll be a big basket case that day, emotional and happy and excited and tired all at once.   I have been going to school since 2005 and changed my major a few dozen times, so to finally be done and accomplished in something is a great feeling.   And, to be graduating with my sweet husband while carrying our baby is just the icing on the cake.   Life is good.

 

Caden isn't quite done with school, however.  He has been applying to grad school and we have been waiting to hear from them in hopes of some good news.  He wants to get his PhD in Microbiology and do some form of research with virus's or bugs.  He hopes to work in the lab and find some unknown disease and cure it to make millions.   That's my boy.   Luckily, he doesn't want to go out of state and has only applied to Utah schools.  [I don't think I could handle raising a baby outside of Utah without our families to lean on.]   If Caden doesn't get into grad school, he hopes to get a job working near the U of U doing research in a labratory.   Whatever he does though, he will be great at it.  Caden has a good attitude about everything he does and that boy is wicked smart.  Hope Hazel gets those genes.  

 

Work has been a big thumbs up.  I only work 2 days a week and I've been working the graveyard shift.  Everyone groans when I tell them that, but I truly love the nights.  It's much less chaotic and it's so quiet and peaceful.  I enjoy making my patients comfortable, tucking them in and then letting them sleep for the next 12 hours.   It's super great.  Plus, Caden is a big night owl so he usually stays up pretty late while I work and then we sleep in together the next day.   The Hall family is pretty famous for staying up late and sleeping in late, which works great for graveyard shfit.   I've grown to love the nights and strongly dislike the mornings, much different then my own family.   I am starting to feel real comfortable as a nurse and am thinking I'm ready for a change of scenery soon.  I have to stay on the Orthopedic unit until November, because they paid for my education, but as soon as that time is up I think I might give homecare and hospice a whirl.   Always up for new opportunities, eh? 

 

Everything else is pretty stellar.  My family is doing awesome.   My mom is dating a neat guy and I truly like him a lot.  He treats her right and they have so much in common.  Cass and Lace are working on being married in Washington sometime in the near future and I couldn't be more stoked for them.  I love when people in love, especially when those people are part of my own family.  Candie is living the single life and being awesome at it.   She's got her own place, own car, own job, own money and she's rocking it.  Her kids and growing up quick and everyone is so excited for the baby.   Caden's family is all doing awesome, as well.  Curtis started a new job and thinks it is going to do really well for him.  Sue is rocking it at Jet Blue and earning those reward points so we can all fly to DisneyLand as soon as the babe is born.  Sadie is starting to date and grow into a gor-ge-ous girl with boys left and right, so many it's hard to keep up.  Chrish just put in his papers for his mission call and he's learning how to be a good missionary by attending the temple and being awesome.  

 

Things are pretty dang stellar.  Pretty dang.

 

I wish that this post wasn't so long and I wish that it wasn't so vague.

I wish I was better at posting.

I wish I was eating a Zupa salad.

I wish I wasn't at work.

I wish Caden was snuggling with me.

I wish I had a foot massager on my feet right this moment.

 

Life is good.

I'm a happy girl.

and that's all.

 

 

 

Callie Carter Hall

Registered NurseJoint and Spine