Grooms Plans.

I was asking Caden what he would like to do on the invitations, 

and how he wanted them designed, layed out, etc.  

This is what he gave me,
written on a tiny piece of paper.

He's such a cute groom.  

Ta-da.

Ohhh man.   I'm caught up in blogland.   Finally.

I read every blog.
EVERY single blog.

Sometimes I comment, sometimes I don't.  But, I read them all.

AND, I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off.
because, I stress about things like this.

I don't stress about money, or health, or safety, or normal "stressful" things.
I stress about how many blogs I still need to read and how far behind I am.

What a loser.
...but a loser who is caught up in blogland.

Catchup. Ketchup. Catsup.

Phew.  What a week.  Or month.  Or whatever.

• I graduated, guys.   I'm an LPN.   I take my test in two weeks and then, 4 days later, I'm eligible to work as a nurse.  Such a strange feeling.    Such a big accomplishment.   Yet, doesn't even seem real.

• Next week is Christmas.  Where is the snow?  How will Santa make it from the North Pole without any snow? What do I buy for Caden? What is Caden buying for me?  ...and how merry will this Christmas be?  

• And, last bit of news, my Grandpa passed away last week.   He had Alzheimer's and was headed down hill fast. Never have I ever seen someone pass away as quickly as he did.  We realized his dementia was getting worse about 6 months ago.  He was forgetting simple things and my Grandma was having to help him more and more.  Then, 3 months ago he and my Grandma moved in with my Aunt and Uncle.  What a blessing that was.   About 2 weeks ago he woke up very weak, not able to move or get around as well as he used to.  Then, last week, he passed away.  
  
  It was sudden and I'm grateful for that.  Although it's horrible to see him pass away and it's awful to let go, it's such a blessing that he didn't have to suffer and deteriorate right before our eyes.  It's such a blessing that he was able to pass quickly and that he left his dignity in tact.
  
  His funeral was perfect.  We said some funny stories, we reminisced about the good times, we laughed, we cried, and we honored a wonderful man.  He was a Veteran and the way they honored him made my heart fill with pride.  The flags. The salutes. The gun fire.  The trumpet.   The works.   It was absolutely breath taking.  And such a wonderful, incredible ceremony.

• And, on top of all that, wedding planning.  Everything I do makes me think of the wedding.  Everywhere I look.  Everything I touch.  Everything I smell.  E V E R Y T H I N G.   I go to google something, and end up somehow on a wedding website.  And this wedding is 8 months away.   I'm in for a LONG 8 months if my thoughts are already completely consumed by this whole ordeal.

Phew.  What a strange and odd couple of weeks it's been.
And, unfortunately, I'll be back in school in just 3  weeks for the RN program.

Ugh.   Can we rewind a few weeks?
I'm not ready for the weeks ahead.

Graduation Speech.

Nursing wasn’t my first choice as my major.  Originally I wanted to go into psychology.  The way the brain ticked and the way people interacted fascinates me, and continues to fascinate me.   But, somewhere along this mixed up crazy path, I ended in Nursing.  And I haven’t regretted a single thing.  The things I’ve learned as a student nurse will help for the rest of my life, not just while I’m working.  How to cure a cold, how to treat nausea, how to handle agitation, how to change a brief, toilet a patient, how to handle emotion and anxiety, how to administer medication, when to hold medication and most of all, how to deal with stress. 

When I began the nursing journey, I started with a CNA class at Weber State University.  The thought of checking someone’s temperature was frightening.  What if I held the thermometer wrong? Do I put it under the tongue, or over the tongue?  How long do I hold it? Do I clean the thermometer before AND after?    

A year has passed and now I’m learning things much more complex than vital signs.  I’m learning life saving techniques.  I’m learning CPR.  I’m learning medication therapy.  I’m learning therapeutic communication.  I’m learning how to bring a baby into the world and I’m learning how to peaceful help a patient leave this world.

The first day of class was incredibly nerve racking.  What would I be learning? What would they expect? What if I humiliate myself? What if I’m not as smart as everyone else?  What if I’m too young? What if I’m too old? What if I wear the wrong outfit? What if I bought the wrong books? What if they ask me questions that I don’t know? What if they meant to accept a different Callie Carter and I got her letter by mistake?

I walked in and felt at ease.  I recognized a few familiar faces and, to my surprise, wasn’t the oldest in the class.  Or the youngest.  I sat by a long time friend and together we put on our glove, gown, mask and face shield.  Symbolically representing the protection we would need through the next 12 months of our lives.

I remember telling my family several times over and over, “There is no way I’m going to learn this material.”  And then, one week later I’d report back with a smile and a grade above passing.
I remember our instructor playing repeat over and over in my mind. “80% is good," she would tell us.

Monday we would get a dose of heavy information.  Tuesday we would review it.  Wednesday we would get another heavy dose of completely different information.  Thursday and Friday we would spend at clinicals practicing our skills.  Saturday and Sunday would spent working.  And then back again on Monday for another dose of new information.

My last day of clinical, as I was meeting with Chantal and she was doing my clinical evaluation and she was giving my pointers and reminding me of things to help me be a better nurse.  She had me sign the bottom of my name and as I did so she said "Just think, soon enough you'll be adding an LPN at the end of that name."   My heart filled with emotion, my eyes teared up and I got a huge smile on my face.

I don't know how I fit in time to study.  I don't know where I stored the information in my already extremely full brain.  I don't know how I learned to pull that information  and regergitate it on a test.  I don't know how I rememberd the different diseases, medications, side effects.  I don't know where I stored the information about newborns, infants, toddlers, adults and geriatrics.  I don't know how I remembered the contraindications, the recommendations, and the things to report to the doctor.   

But, I'll never forget the friends that I made.  I'll never forget the inside jokes we had.  I won't forget the way everyone made me feel, knowing I wasn't in this alone.  The late night texts I received reminding me to study or the "Don't forget to wear your scrubs tomorrow."  I won't forget the conversations we had at lunch about our families, about the things we have given up to study.  I won't forget the games we played during class, the notes that we passed, the comments we made, just to keep ourselves motivated.  I will always remember the pictures we took, the funny faces we pulled and the humor that our class carried with us everywhere we went.  I won't forget how loud and proud our class is and all the several hundred times we were told to please keep it down.

It's true what they say: nursing school is hard.  It's a year of complete dedication and it's a year of full attention.  It's demanding.  It's exhausting. It's tiring.  It's overwhelming. It's chaotic.  And it's madness.  But, it's 100% worth it.  It's everything I've wanted to become and it's made me a better person because of it.  I couldn't have asked for better people to go through this with.  The PN class of 2011 truly is the best class and I'm so grateful I was able to be a part of this.

Thank you, class, for being wonderful people and incredible nurses.   And thank you to my family, for always supporting me and motivating me to keep going.

Congratulations, class.
We made it.   

G R A D U A T I O N.

Hey friends.
Miss you.

Just thought I would blog to tell you that I graduate in 40 hours.
HOURS.  Not even DAYS or WEEKS or MONTHS. 
I'm counting down hours.

Isn't that veeerrd?
...name that movie.

Looking Back.

I keep a journal that I write in each night the things I did that today.  "Class. Studied at library. Caden made dinner and we snuggled up and watched survivor."  ...or whatever we did. It's nothing fancy.   And I never write about my feelings, just what I did.  

I like to keep a journal because I have a terrible memory.  So, it's fun to look back and say "Oh yeah, we DID go to the zoo that year."  Or whatever.  This journal is different, though, because it's a ten year journal.  So each page is one day, and then each line is a different year.

November 26th

2009

2010

2011

2012

ETC.

So, right now I'm on year 3 of the journal and I can look back what I did last year on this day and the year before.   

As I'm writing last night I'm looking back at what I did last year and the year before and I'm amazed at how far my life has come.  Last year I was studying for a pathophysiology test.  I was hoping to have good grades to get into the nursing program and I spent a good hunk of my life at Starbucks.   The year before, I was dating a silly boy who I know I had nothing in common with.  I didn't have any real direction and I didn't know what it was I was looking for.

And now, I'm happier than I ever have been.  

I'm engaged to the most perfect man for me.  I'm 11 days away from graduating nursing school with my LPN.   I'm getting ready to plan a wedding, look for a house and make all kinds of big-girl decisions.  

I had to take a step backwards and thank God for the way my life has turned out.  It very easily could have taken a terrible path.  I very easily could have ended up with a man who was "okay" and settled for a job other than nursing.  I could have given up when my advisor told me I'd never get into nursing.  I could have lived a very different life and it could have happened with just a few different decisions.  And that blows my mind.

I'm super grateful that things have turned out for the very best.  And I'm super grateful for everything that has happened to get me thus far.  All the heart breaks, rough times, mean things, disappointments.  All the bad decisions, mistakes, mess ups.  All the times I didn't know what to do, how to do it, where to go.  All the times I was confused, torn, upset.  All the times that I struggled. 

And mostly thankful for all the times I succeeded.   All the times God directed me down the correct path.  All the words of advice from family and friends.  All the encouragement.  All the support.  All the love.  

I truly am blessed.
And super super thankful.

Amen.

Ring-a-ling-a-ling.

Spoiled me rotten, that boy.

Nursing School Burnt-Out.

I've officially neglected blog land.

Life is crazy.

School is crazy.

I am crazy.

It's near the end of the semester.  14 days, to be exact.
Nursing school burnt out has set in.  
Focusing seems impossible.

I don't want to go to school.  Or get ready.  Or study.  Or listen to any more of a lecture, in any form.  I don't want to take another test. Hold another pencil. Look at another care plan.  I don't want to learn any new material.  I don't want to learn any new charting systems.  I don't want to learn any new hospitals.  I don't want to ever wear my scrubs again.  I never want to open another book.  

Luckily, I still want to take care of patients.  So at least I've got that going for me.  But, the rest is history.   I'm praying my test scores are good enough that I can coast through the final with minimal studying.  Because studying is dang near impossible.

I hoped the three week break between semesters could be spent snowboarding with my Caden and wedding planning, but I fear I'll spend it in bed sleeping for three weeks solid with no showers in between and minimal changing of my clothes.  

...of course I'm over-exaggerating.   I'll shower.

Sometimes.

New York City: The Proposal.

Caden flew me to New York City on a complete and random trip.   On Tuesday he asked me to get work off for the weekend.  I can never get work off for the weekend, but I told him I would try.   That night, three people said they would work for me.  This is completely unheard of, but I went with it.

Friday night me, Caden and the Hall family flew to New York City to spend the day there.  Who goes to New York City for one day?  We do.   That's who.

We arrived in New York City at 0600 and I have never been more excited/scared in my life.  People were everywhere.  And everyone was rushing.  I felt like the day after Thanksgiving sale, where everyone ran and ran and ran and no one stopped to smell the roses. 

We stopped at the 9/11 memorial building and I couldn't do anything but cry.  It's unreal to me how many lives were affected in one single day.  I can't even comprehend the tragedy and sorrow these people felt and continue to feel.   

Ground Zero was the most surreal place I've been.  It had a calm and peaceful feeling being there.  American flags were all over the place and I have never felt more proud or more united as an American.  I'm grateful that I live in the country and I'm thankful for all those who fight to keep me safe.

Tower One - Infinity fountain that continues to run and run.

We walked the streets of New York and I couldn't stop taking pictures.

Pictures of the buildings, taxis, people.

Pictures of all the booths and garbage and how smushed everything is together.

We made our way to Central Park.  ...which took some serious walking.

When we finally got there, we were all pooped.

We sat for a minute, then everyone rushed to get to this famous castle.

Why we were rushing, I had no idea.

I just went with it.

Hurry. Hurry. Hurry.

That was the theme of New York.

Maybe the Hall family was just playing along.

We made it to the castle, which was gorgeous.

Just like out of a fairytale.

Caden asked if we could make it to the top, so to the top we went.

We stopped for pictures.

...and then...

Caden asked me to be his wife.

And I said yes.

:)  :)  :)

Engaged on top of a castle in New York City.

How more perfect can that be?

Happiest moment of my entire life.

Hands down.

After the engagement I couldn't do anything except smile.

I called everyone I knew and updated my facebook status.

We took the train back to Time Square,
where I felt like shouting my good news to everyone around.

12 hours after arriving in New York, we headed home.

The most eventful 12 hours of my life.

Ground Zero. Central Park. Engagement. and Time Square.
Two plane rides.

Lots of walking.

3 subway rides.

and a new fancy ring.

I love New York.

and I love my fiance, Caden Hall.

Caden proposed with a string ring, because months ago I told him "I don't care what ring you get me.  I'll love it no matter what.  Get me a string, if you want."    So, a string he did.   :)

After the proposal we spent an hour looking in all of the ring shops to pick out a ring that I loved.   Unfortunately, I couldn't find a ring I loved more than the ring we picked out back home in Utah.  

So, Monday morning we will go pick up the second most important ring ever.

The first ring being my string ring,

that I never want to take off my finger.

Missing Pieces.

You know when you're putting together a puzzle, and you just can't make it work?  And sometimes you find a piece that "fits" and you force it in and you smush it down real hard and you think "This is definitely the right piece" but in reality you KNOW that it's definitely not.  And you keep adding pieces and taking pieces away, and turning pieces, and forcing pieces,  but you just can't finish the dang puzzle?

And then, all the sudden, you find your missing peice.  And the puzzle, all the sudden, makes complete sense.  You realize that, of course, that forced piece didn't belong there.  And "Obviously all the pieces fit together just like this.  Why didn't I think of this before? It's so obvious."  And you put together the puzzle in minutes.  Maybe even seconds.  Like this is the easiest puzzle you've ever done.



Caden is my missing puzzle piece.  He's what has been gone my whole life and why things just didn't belong where I was putting them.  I was forcing pieces of my puzzle in the wrong places.  I was turning the pieces and arranging the pieces and trying to make my puzzle work without a very important piece.  And now that I have him, my puzzle is the easiest puzzle I've ever done.  The pieces are just falling into place exactly how they should be.  One right after another, just like they are supposed to.

And I can't help but think to myself, "Obviously all the pieces fit together just like this.  Why didn't think of this before?  It's so obvious."

I don't mean to brag--

..but I totally found mine.

Days of Gratitude: Day Five, Six and Seven.

Oopsie.  I got a little behind.
How did three days pass without my noticing? Time goes quick.

1. I'm grateful for Nursing School.  I know I complain about it often and I whine about it.  I say that "it's dreadful" often and I complain that it's just way too much information and I'm going to quit the very next day.  However, I really am grateful for Nursing School.  I've learned a LOT of helpful information in a short amount of time.  Information that will be good for my children, my husband, my family.  Information good for neighbors, people and friends in my ward, and knowledge of good health.  My career choice will benefit me for my entire life and it's information that not only benefits me, but everyone that I know.   Plus, my nursing class is wicked awesome and I am super grateful I got into the program with the people that I did.  I seriously lucked out.

2. I'm grateful for my phone/computer.  Last night when Caden and I were watching Amazing Race ((love that show)), the racers were in Africa.  The Africans were walking around the streets with no shoes, no shirts, and carrying baskets on their head.  Their method of transportation was a bull and their food of choice was rotten fish.   And here I am complaining that my 3G internet on my phone isn't fast enough to search pinterest.  Uhhh, reality check. 

3. I'm super grateful for my sisters.  Both of them.   Some people don't have any sisters, and I have TWO.  Double the lucky.   Biggest sister, Candie,  keeps me laughing all day.  She's ditsy and silly and says the darndest things.  She has a heart of gold and would do absolutely anything to help me out. She knows how to throw a party and she makes friends everywhere we go.  She gets VIP to all the best clubs, she knows how to work all the bouncers into free stuff, and she always gets her way.   She's such a fun person to be around and always bubbily and laughing.   Sister two, Cassie, couldn't be more opposite than biggest sister.  Cassie is a tomboy all around.  She builds things, creates things, plants things, makes things, and fixes things.  She's rough and tough and super strong.  She fishes, she hikes, she bikes, she plays catch, she camps, she builds fires, and she's a police woman.   She, too, has a heart of gold and always has the best advice when I'm in a bind.  She calms all my fears and she looks out for me like big sisters do.   Both sisters are my best of friends and I absolutely love to spend time with them.  I still get excited to see them.  I still look forward to the holidays just to spend time with them.  And I still miss them when they are gone.   My sisters are the best sisters I could ever ask for.  And I feel a little guilty that I got two of them.

Days of Gratitude: Day Four

Today I'm grateful for an awesome nurse at clinical.  She let me do everything, instead of just watching her do it all.  She explained things. She showed me things. She taught me things.  She was happy to have me as a student and I was happy to have her as a teacher.  I learned more in one day then I have my entire time doing clinicals.  Grateful for super friendly nurses.

I'm grateful for hot showers because nothing is better then a hot shower after a 12 hour shift on your feet.  Some people don't even have hot water.  Or running water.  Or showers.   Man, I love my shower.  

I'm grateful for a boyfriend who calls me just because.  To check in with me.  To see how my day is going.  To make me smile.   And I'm grateful for the text he sent today:  "I would cancel anything to be with you.  You're my best friend."     Yep.  I cried.  Because he is that sweet that it literally brings tears to my eyes.

Lots to be grateful today, folks.
And I'm a blessed girl.  For reals.

30 days of Gratitude: Day Three

Today I am grateful for my car.   As  I was leaving the library after studying, I walked out into the blistering cold and thought "Blast, I bet my car is going to be freezing.  Sure hope my heater heats up quick."  And then I glanced over to the left and there stood a young mom and her young son waiting for the bus in the freezing cold.  They were waiting for who knows how long, and I was whining about a cold 3 minute car ride from the library to my home.  Psh.  How silly.

Which reminds me, I'm also very grateful for my home.  Which, my mom has decorated darling and it makes me feel safe and secure.  I know I can always come home, at any point in my life, and be welcomed with open arms and a mother who will accept me.  

Blessed are the little things that I so often take for granted.

30 days of Gratitude: Day Two

Day two of gratitude and I'm thankful for my Caden.   Caden has helped me become the person that I've always wanted to be.  Before Caden, I was going through the motions of life.  I was living life for me and for me alone.  Caden has made me believe in L O V E.  He is the reason I want to spend my life with someone.  He is the reason I truly believe in a Happily Ever After.  Caden has helped me find God and he has helped me grow my testimony in the Lord.  Caden is the reason that I smile ALL. DAY. LONG.   He has made me believe in laughter, love, being silly, and having fun.  He takes away all of my worries and he calms all of my fears.  He makes me feel incredibly safe and incredibly loved.  If I could describe my most perfect man, it's Caden to a T.  He's absolutely perfect and I'm beyond grateful for him.