Mommy's Girl.

It's a weird feeling leaving home after 25 years.  I've always been my mom's baby.  We have always been the best of friends and we've always talked about anything and everything.   So, to leave home and to start a life of my own is kind of a scary thing.  It's scary knowing my mom isn't just downstairs and I can't just holler out when I need her.   It's scary knowing she won't be there to stock the fridge full of groceries or buy new shampoo when I run out.  It's scary knowing she won't be there to wipe up my spills, to do my dirty dishes, or to fold my laundry.  It's scary knowing that dinner won't be sitting on the counter when I come home at night, unless Caden makes it for us.   It's scary knowing she won't be living in the same home as me.   And it makes me sad if I think about it for too long.  

 

Of course I'm excited to start a "big girl" life.  And I'm absolutley thrilled to be living with Caden.  I can't wait to start our lives together as husband and wife and it's a little exciting not knowing what to expect or how to be a wife.  I'm up to the challenge and I'm more than excited about it all.   But, parts of me are sad to leave my mom.   And parts of me wish I could bring her along and keep her in a secret bedroom for when I need her most.   Parts of me want to pack up all her stuff on "accident" so she will be forced to move with us.   But,most parts of me know that I will be okay.  Most parts of me know that Caden and I can and will make it on our own.   It's going to be a bumpy ride and I'll probably cry on more than one occassion, but it's going to be absolutely worth it.   We are going to be husband and wife, and that's the absolute best thing in the whole wide world.

 

Plus, my mom is just 13 minutes away.   Right?

Grandpa Carter.

Last week I lost my Grandpa Carter.   When I say that, people usually respond with "I'm so sorry" and I usually respond with "Oh, it's okay."    But really, this time, it actually is okay.   It's more than okay, it's really great news.  My grandpa lived a long and healthy life.  He passed away in his home at 96 years old after a week or two of not feeling well.   He didn't suffer, he didn't struggle, and he got to pass where he felt comfortable. 

 

Maybe it's from working in the healthcare field, or maybe it's because I'm weird, but I don't think death is a sad event.   Especially in the elderly.   I think it's great news that my Grandpa can now be with my Grandma and they can do heavenly things like fly and eat unlimited amounts of hamburgers.  

 

Ohhhh, that's not what your heaven is like? Is that just me? 

Welp, okay.  

 

Yes, I'll miss him.  I'll miss his words of advice and his monthly newsletter.  I'll miss his walks around the pond and his life lessons about anything and everything.  I'll miss his "Ohhh, my land!" and his stories about his grandchildren.    But, I'm happy for him.  I'm happy he's now with his eternal companion and I'm happy that he's comfortably eating hamburgers. ...or whatever heaven is like.

 

'Til we meet again, Grandpa.

xoxo

Date Video.

The cutest video you ever did see.
The password is Felter, if it asks for one.

Compliments of Jesse Felter at Liquid Visions.

I absolutely LOVE this.

Catchup. Ketchup. Catsup.

Ohhhh, hey.
There you are.

Lots to talk about, friends.

First, and most important, Caden and I moved up our wedding day.   SUPER exciting.  Mr. and Mrs. Hall will be official on May 11th.   That's in 60+ days.   2 months.   9 weeks.    Eeek!!  I can't wait.    We made our deposit on our cute new apartment: two bedrooms and two bath with a washer/dryer and dishwasher.   We lucked out, for real.   Could this be any more perfect?  I submit that it cannot.

I'm still on the job hunt for a nursing job.   I've got an interview on Wednesday at a women's home close to where I live.  It sounds absolutely perfect and I'm really hoping.  Really hoping.   Really. Really. Really. Hoping.

School is wrapping up.  March is an absolute crazy month, but April slows down a bit and then I just have class once a week and 150 hours of internship and then, I'm an Registered Nurse.    Once I pass the boards, of course.   And then I start 9 months of the Bachelor's program and then, I'm done with school F O R E V E R.   I wonder what that will be like.  Go to work.  Come home.   No homework, no studying, no class.   What a weird concept.

That's the latest.
There is more that I'm forgetting.
and lots more that I don't have time to write about.

But, you've got the just of it.
My life is awesome and I love Caden.
and that's about it.

Valentine's Day.

H O L Y 

S P O I L E D.

Caden and I spent the entire day together on V-day.
We drove to SLC and got my ring cleaned.

We went and got Wings at the MOST DELICIOUS 

wing place in Lehi, Utah.   Buffalo Wild Wings.

We did Lazer Tag, Mini Golf and Rock Climbing

at Trafalga Fun Center with our Pass of all Passes.

We got ice cream.

And got it on Caden's nose.

Then, I made dinner with our new sauce from
Buffalo Wild Wings.

And cupcakes.

Not a fan of cupcakes, 

but how cute were the cupcake liners?  

I had to.

Pictures below.

Be jealous.

It was perfect.

Hero Cards.

We do "hero cards" where I work.  A hero card can be written by a patient, a co-worker, a boss, a doctor, etc.   It's just a way for someone to comment on what a good job you are doing and we read them at each staff meeting.  Sometimes I get a hero card, sometimes I don't.  

 

Yesterday, as I was reading the hero cards, there wasn't one for me.  I started to feel sad that maybe I wasn't doing a good job.  Maybe I needed to put a little more effort in my work and maybe I needed to really push myself to make my patient more happy and more comfortable.  I was being hard on myself and I was having a debbie-downer moment. 

 

It wasn't more than an hour later, as I was rounding on my patient, he mentioned what a great job I was doing.  He told me that I was so patient with him and I was the best nurse he was had in the entire week that he's been in the hospital.  He said that he could tell I really enjoyed my work and that he knew I was in the correct field. 

 

Well, that's better than any dang hero card.   It lifted me right back up.  No more debbie-downer.  Maybe I wasn't doing such a horrible job after all, or maybe this day I just had a little more "bounce in my step".   Whatever the case may be, I felt like a hero that day.   And it couldn't have come in a more perfect time.

Words of Encouragement.

In my church, we believe in a special blessing called a Patriarchal Blessing.  This blessing is from a designated man in the church, a patriarch, and its considered a big deal.   This blessing is supposed to give you some guidance in your life, your opportunities, your temptations and your blessings to come.  It's kind of like a "fortune teller" sort of, but on a more spiritual level.

Caden and I are both working towards getting this blessing.  In order to get it, you must be living right and doing the right kinds of things.  The church asks that you be following certain guidelines and doing the things that are asked of you from the leaders of the church, ie: avoiding alcohol, drugs, pre-marital sex, swearing, going to church, saying your prayers, etc.   

Now, most things are easy for me to follow.  Other things, not so easy.  [No need to get personal and write about where I mess up, because that's awkward for everyone reading and writing and listening and whatever. But I will tell you, I mess up.]  Just as I'm feeling ready and feeling accomplished, just as I'm feeling like I've overcome all my challenges, I mess up.   And this is not something I'm used to.   I don't quit.  I don't fail.  I don't mess up.  Ever.  If I want something, I get it.  I work my butt off, but I always get it.   So this is a struggle, and it's a big one.

Caden has been incredibly supportive, though.  And he's fighting all his challenges like a champion.  He's ready for this blessing and he's doing everything he is supposed to be doing.  And he is loving me all along the way, for my faults and for my mess ups and for the things that I have already overcome.  And I love that about him.

So, this is where you come in, reader.  Tips? Tricks? Words of Encouragement?  Mormon or not-mormon.  Sinner or Saint.  How do you overcome things that are hard?  Where do you find motivation? What inspires you? 

H E L P a girl out.  

Online Shopping.

Pinterest has encouraged me to shop online.  www.polyvore.com.   Have you seen this website?!   Woah.  Incredible.  These people, bless their hearts, put together outfits for me so I don't have to think about what matches and how to accessorize.  It's all there in one stop shop.  

However, these pieces are lots of money.   $80 for this adorable dress.  EIGHTY.   I was sitting here, clicking around and I thought to myself "No way, I can't spend $80 on a dress."  But then I remembered that today I went to Target and bought a purse, shoes, shampoo, nose strips, face wash and earrings.  I spent $80 and didn't think twice about it.

Hmm.  Maybe I should put my money into more appropriate things, rather then stuff I'm going to throw away or wash down the shower drain.  Eh?

Music Madness.

So, is it just me that this happens to?

Driving in my car and I have six preset radio stations.  S I X.  So why do all SIX of them have to go to commercial at the exact same time.  Chances of that happening are so slim, yet happens to me every single time.   Then, when music comes back on, I hear the same 4 songs. 

1. We Fell in Love - Rihanna
2. Set Fire to the Rain - Adele
3. Sexy and I Know it - LMFAO
4. Moves Like Jagger - Maroon 5

All super great songs, but not all day long, and not on the same radio stations, and not when everything else is on a commercial.

Plus, I'm one of those people who lives in the dark ages and doesn't have an iPod, so I listen to CDs that are ten thousand years old.  We are talking: Ashley Simpson. Britney Spears. Black Eyed Peas. 

It's cool, guys.

I'm cool.

Cripple.

All the sudden I've turned into an old woman with osteoporosis and scoliosis.   My back feels like it's turned 75 inches too far to the left and I feel like each one of my muscles is being stretched, no matter what position I sit in.  Awesome.

Hope cupid brings me a massage for Valentines.   But at this point I'll settle for a back brace.  Holy hannah.  When did I get so old and fragile?

Mushy Gooshy related to The Vow.

Welp, Caden and I just got home from The Vow.
and I have spent the last 2 hours crying.
Cried through the whole movie.
Holy smokes.

The thought of losing my memory of Caden, or losing Caden, or not having Caden is the scariest thing I could ever imagine.  I can't picture my life without him.  And I always thought that was so stupid when people would say that, because of course you can "go on" if you lose someone.  But, I really don't know that I could if I didn't have Caden.

Some people wait their entire lives to find their perfect fit.  Some people never fall in love.  And some people stay in a marriage because they think it's love.    So, all I can do is feel incredibly fortunate that I've found a love that is absolutely everything I have ever wanted or dreamt about our thought about or needed.  

Caden makes me happier than anything, any person, any place, and idea.  And I just feel like the luckiest girl for having him as my own.

And that's all.
And I can't stop crying.
And I feel like my heart is going to overflow.

The Vow.

You know how sometimes you cry over a movie trailer?

Ohhh, that doesn't happen to you?
Yeah, me either.....

Date night: The Vow and some buffalo wings.

H E A V E N.

Get ready for a mushy-gooshy post tomorrow, 

because I have a feeling this movie will bring that out of me.

Self Check-Out.

When I go to Wal-Mart, I always go to self check out.  Small talk makes me incredibly uncomfortable, so self check out is my secret plan how to avoid that entire ordeal.  Most of the time, it's pretty successful.  I can scan my few items and leave without saying a word to anyone.  Thumbs up.

However, last time I went was an anxiety attack.  I grabbed my two items in the store and rushed to self check out.  And then, someone got behind me.  Ohhhhh dear.  Mildly nerve racking, but I think I can handle it.  I feel extra pressure to hurry because I think the man behind me is annoyed that I'm taking too long, or judging me for my purchases.

So, I hurry.
Scan. Bag.
Scan. Bag.
Done scanning.
Ready to pay.
Swipe my debit card.
...please hurry.
...please hurry.
Why is it taking so long?
Card error.
...Crap.
Swipe my card.
Card error.
Try to run as credit.
Card error.
Red lights flashing.

My heart starts pumping out of control now and I try to hurry. This man is judging me for sure.  I can feel his eyes burning in the back of my skull but I don't dare make eye contact for fear he's going to yell at me.

Finally, I swipe my card one last time and it works.
Thank the heavens.

I grab my stuff as fast as I possibly can and run to my car.

Terrifying.

Absolutely terrifying.

Mormon Message - Testimony, part 2.

Disclaimer: This is kind of a ramble.
Not meant to preach.  Not meant to judge.
I just needed a place to jot my thoughts.  


Coming from a background that I do made it hard on my testimony.   It wasn't long ago that I went through a period in my life where I was border line anti-mormon.   My spirit was broken, my goals were lost, my ambition was weak and I had poor goals in mind.  Of course, I still wanted to be successful and I still wanted to succeed in my career, in love, in my relationship with my family, etc.   I just didn't have a desire beyond that; I didn't have a spiritual drive.  And I never truly felt satisfied.

Coming from a place of no testimony, and now growing into a relationship with my God and with my spirit has been incredibly rewarding for me.  I never thought I would be worthy enough to enter into the temple.  I never thought I would be worthy enough to hold a calling in the church.  I never had a desire to meet with the Bishop, or to have him know me by name.  I had no desire to attend church or read scriptures.

and now, that couldn't be more opposite.  I look forward to my Sundays so much.  I love going to church and the feeling that I get when I'm there. It's incredibly rewarding to me to sit in church and listen to people who are my age and who I can relate to, and listen as they share their testimonys and their love for the same things I believe in.   The same goals that I'm trying for.  The same desires that I have.

Repenting was always such a strange concept to me.  I never thought I needed to tell a bishop anything about my sins or my struggles.  I thought that was my own personal business and I dealt with it how I chose to.   And now, I respect my bishop in such a high degree.  I am incredibly grateful for him and his comfort.  I love to meet with him and the feeling I get as I leave his office.  His words are always absolutely everything I need to hear.  The feeling I get when I'm with him is so comforting, so loving, so accepting.

I wish I could explain in better words what an incredible transformation this has been.  I wish I knew how to describe it in a way that made sense and was clear.  I wish I could explain the appreciation and gratefulness I have for the gospel and for the ability I have to be a part of it.

I'm not trying to convert anyone, or to preach.    However, I recommend everyone find something/someone in their life that makes them spiritual fulfilled.  I know what it's like to have an empty spirit and I know what kind of trouble it can cause.   And now I know how it fills to have that part of me filled, and how much better my life has been because of it.

It's incredible.
and I'm grateful.
and that's all.

Blogland is my most favorite.
It's the place to come and just be me.
And I write and I hope it comes out how I intend.
But if it doesn't, it's okay.
Because it's my blog.
and no one is here to judge.

In fact, most people are here to love.
Which I love.

So thanks for loving me, blogger friends.

Also: I can't decide which I'm more excited for.  To be a bride.
To be an RN.  Or to be a wife.
Too many exciting events.  Too many bridal shows on TV.
Too much time in a hospital.

Not enough time to blog about it all.