Forgiving Him.

Day three of 30 questions is something I need to forgive myself for, and I don't like this question.   So, day four is something I need to forgive someone else for. 


I know what my answer would be, but I'm not really ready to talk about it.

This shit is getting personal.

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UPDATE:
Let's talk about it.

My answer is easy, but my explanation is a little more difficult to type.  

The person I need to forgive the most in my life is my Dad.   My dad passed away when I was four, due to suicide.   My dad was in and out of rehab majority of my life with drug addictions. 

I don't remember anything about him.  I don't remember the way he looks, smells, talks, sounds, moves.  I don't remember his mannerisms, visiting him, seeing him, being held.  Nothing.   The only things I have relating to my dad are some old pictures of him when he was young, a briefcase that smells like an old library, and a big hole in my heart.  

My sisters remember, but not always the good things.  They remember the fights, the drugs, the hospitals.  They remember the scary times and the hard times.   But, they also remember the hikes, boating, fishing, camping. They remember doing things and going places.  They remember him, and I don't. 

I don't remember because I was young and because he left me at a young age.  He was selfish and took his own life, in hopes of ending the pain.  He didn't consider his daughters, his family, his friends. 

He just left, without saying goodbye, and I will never forget.