We all are, all 40 of my classmates.
Poor me for having to study all this bull crap.
Poor me for the silly and ridiculous things they are making us do.
Poor, poor, poor me.
Today we learned about the stages of grief.
Maybe the only helpful and insightful thing I learned today.
I love that they are throwing busy work at us during finals week.
Awesome.
The stages of grief, in Nursing School form:
Denial — Yes, I feel fine. This finals week stuff is going to be a piece of cake and I can totally get through it. Not even a big deal.
Anger — Why me? Why now? Why are we reviewing concept maps in the fourth month? Why do I need to write my own obituary? Why are we watching movies and DVDs that are not related? Where is the information coming from? When is the test? Why are we doing quizzes? WHY!?
Bargaining — How much extra credit can I do to raise this grade? What if I actually come to class on time? What's your favorite candy bar? Do you need a back rub? Let me get you a foot stool.
Depression — I'm never going to make it through nursing school. Never. I'm going to fail right now and I might as well just stop coming to class. I hate this. I don't even want to be a nurse, in fact. I could just be a CNA for the rest of my adult life. I like being a CNA. Nursing isn't even what I want to be. I'm just going to stop coming, forever. I'm done with nursing school.
Acceptance — It's going to be okay. I can do this and survive. I can survive nursing school. I can survive the torture and the dilemmas. This is all going to be worth it and I really do want to be a nurse. I love nursing. I love nursing school. I love to learn. I'm the best nurse, ever. I can do this. And I will.
Anger — Why me? Why now? Why are we reviewing concept maps in the fourth month? Why do I need to write my own obituary? Why are we watching movies and DVDs that are not related? Where is the information coming from? When is the test? Why are we doing quizzes? WHY!?
Bargaining — How much extra credit can I do to raise this grade? What if I actually come to class on time? What's your favorite candy bar? Do you need a back rub? Let me get you a foot stool.
Depression — I'm never going to make it through nursing school. Never. I'm going to fail right now and I might as well just stop coming to class. I hate this. I don't even want to be a nurse, in fact. I could just be a CNA for the rest of my adult life. I like being a CNA. Nursing isn't even what I want to be. I'm just going to stop coming, forever. I'm done with nursing school.
Acceptance — It's going to be okay. I can do this and survive. I can survive nursing school. I can survive the torture and the dilemmas. This is all going to be worth it and I really do want to be a nurse. I love nursing. I love nursing school. I love to learn. I'm the best nurse, ever. I can do this. And I will.
I'm stuck somewhere between bargaining and depression.
This is super draining. Emotionally, physically, spiritually.
All I want to do is drop out.
But, I keep going and I keep moving.
I'm trying to find the light at the end of the tunnel.
...and I will.
Just, not today.
Today, I just want to cry.
And today, I will.
I'm trying to find the light at the end of the tunnel.
...and I will.
Just, not today.
Today, I just want to cry.
And today, I will.
5 comments:
It's good to cry ....cleanses the soul. I know you won't be "down" for very long. It's just not you.
Take a look back...read your journal..look how FAR you have come. Remember the day you got your acceptance letter? I will never forget that day.
Callie, you are so disciplined, you are accomplishing your goals and I am so proud of you....tough week ahead but I know you will be fine. Show em what your made of. I have no doubt some day you will be a head nurse just like your Grandma.
I love you so very much
Mom
I know this post wasn't written for me but I feel like it might be. I am feeling much the same way right now, wondering if I should even be doing this.
You wrote it out beautifully. I'm sorry you are feeling this way but it is nice to know I am not alone.
We can do it, even if we lose our sanity along the way. (((HUGS)))
I agree with your mom and it's just me. You can do this one bite at a time. I take it one week at a time and last week I was stuck on your depression stage. I totally told my hubby that all was good just as long as I could be a CNA and that I could be happy for the rest of my life. He talked me out of that stage to acceptance and just bear down and wait it out a little longer, the semester will be over soon. You can do it!
<3
Don't ever give up.
I promise you, at the end of it all, you will appreciate what you went through to get where you are going... :)
Meanwhile. It's ok to cry a bit. :)
Love your blog!
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