Nursing Negatives.

Lately I've been having a serious nursing melt down.

 

Friends and family have asked me nursing type questions, simple things, and I can't answer them.   I don't know what medication is for.  I don't know what signs and symptoms to watch for with certain diseases.  I can't explain how things work or where things are located.  I don't remember bones or muscles.  Medical terminology has slipped my mind and I don't know anything about anything, really.

 

What if I'm a terrible nurse?

 

What if I hate everything about nursing?

 

What if I'm one of those awful nurses that everyone dreads?

 

The medical side of nursing has no apeal to me.  I don't really care about medicine and it makes it difficult for me to remember.  What I do care about is patient care.  I LOVE to be the person that patients rely on for help.  I thrive on helping and improving, in pampering and caring for, in loving and nurturing. 

I could do that kind of care all day, everyday. But to pass pills and check vital signs all day long, definitely not my cup of tea.

 

What do I do?

What if I hate nursing?
What if I'm an absolutely awful nurse?

 

I'm S T R E S S I N G out.

Nickelcade.

Date Night: We go to McDonald's and order Caden some food, because that boy can EAT.   Then, we head to three different redbox's to find The Mechanic.  No where to be found, except in Riverdale.   So, we head West.   Instead of going to Redbox, Caden makes a small little detour and pulls up to Nickelcade, of all places.  

Nickelcade.

Completely random, yet delicious.  
I love this place.
And I love this boy.

For my Caden.

It started with potatoes and decorating a tree,

It evolved to longboarding and a skinned knee.

It grew to cuddles and me laying on your chest,

where I told you that I loved you and that you are the best.

I never would have guessed how perfect you could be,

I never knew how happy that you could make me.
I never knew how pretty, smart and accepted I could feel,

I never knew "Mr. Right" was the real deal.

As I lay in my bed, I'm overwhelmed with thoughts of you,
I'm consumed with mushy love and things I want to do.
Places we should go, kids that we should have,
areas to get married and adventures to be had.
Everything I want to do, I want you to be a part.
Our future looks so bright and I'm excited to start.

Here is to us and where our future falls,

Thanks for being you.  

Signed,

               The future-Mrs. Hall.

Chit-Chat-Patty-Wack.

I hate to talk in the mornings.

HATE IT.

I hate talking so much that I will go to extreme lengths,
just so I don't have to say anything.

Example:  My dog Onslo wakes up bright and early and needs to go potty.  I hate to wake up and let him out when my mom is already up.  So, I call my mom on her phone.   She knows not to answer it, she just comes in to my bedroom.   She looks at me and I point at Onslo.  Mom knows what to do from there.

Example:  Niece and nephew run into my room to show me something "cool".   Nephew starts asking me questions and I growl.  Niece says "Brax, she doesn't like to talk in the morning."   I give her the thumbs up and I roll back over.

All I need is maybe 10 minutes of silence.  
...and it doesn't mean EVERYONE has to be silent.  Just me.  

10 minutes of me not talking and then I'm ready to rock and roll.
Maybe a little high-maintenance.  But, whatev.    It's me.  And I like it that way.

Premature Thoughts.

 Lately I've been obsessed with weddings.
Particularly my wedding.
Our wedding.

We aren't even engaged, guys.

Why is this on my mind 24 hours a day?  Even when I'm sleeping.

I think about how he will look.  How I will look.  Where it will be.  What the weather will be like.  If there will be dancing.  Music.   Food.   Who will we invite.  How long will it last.

Obsessed.

Also, I found this old website that I saved from a hundred years ago.  I'm sure I found it on one of your blogs, and if so, thank you.   Love this little website.  

A)  Please tell me that I'm not crazy and every girl who is love thinks about their wedding a hundred hours a day.

B)  Please tell me any unique and great wedding ideas that I should consider. 

If I can't stop thinking about a wedding, I may as well enjoy the thoughts I have.  Right?

Apologies.

I feel like I've been neglecting the old bliggity-bloggity-bloo.

I have so much to write about and so much I want to share.
I just can't find a good flow.

Maybe it's writers block or something.
Maybe it's the fact that I'm only sleeping 4 hours at a time.
Maybe it's the fact that I'm experiencing blog OCD and I want to re-do EVERYTHING about my little blog.

Yep, it definitely has to be option c.

At any rate, I'll be back soon.
Don't go far.

Header.

Yep, I got a new header.

It took me well over an hour and I'm not sure that I love it.

Obsessive much?  Yes.  I do think so.

-------------------------

Update:   Even NEWER header.  
This one I like much better.  It's cleaner and more simple.

Me L I K E Y.


Here is the old new one, in case you missed it.

Following the Leader.

I lost two followers in one week.
...so discouraging.


You'll be missed, friends.
Plelase come back, when I'm funnier.  
I'll work on it.

Mushy Gooshy.

You know how sometimes, when you're in love, you just want to write and write and write about how great and romantic and perfect your boyfriend is?

But then you remember that blogland probably doesn't care about how sweet and caring and mushy and absolutely amazing your boyfriend is, so you keep it all to yourself?

...except that sometimes it just spills out and you can't help but talk and tell stories and reminisce and laugh and smile and ooze with sappy love things?

You know?!

 Yep, me too.

Genius.

I figured out how to beat the system.

Maybe you don't think this is cool, but I thought it was the smartest thing I've ever done.  Besides passing Pathophysiology.  

I can download songs for free on my phone like it's nobodies business.  The app was meant to turn the song into a ring tone, but instead I figured out how to transfer the music from my phone to my computer, from my computer to my iTunes, and from iTunes to my iPod.  

Excellent.

So now, I go to iTunes and see what the most popular songs are, I download them on my phone and then I put them onto my iPod without paying the $1.24 or whatever it is for a song.

Now, all I need is for you to tell me some great songs to download because I'm real sick of Allred and Black Eyed Peas.

kthanksbye.

I'm practically famous.

The most miraculous thing happened today.

Caden and I were at the cupcake store, because he loves that place. 
I think he could eat 19 cupcakes in one sitting and not even think twice about it.
He probably dreams in cupcakes.
He probably wishes my arms were made of frosting.

Anyway, we are standing in line and this girl whom I've never seen before introduces herself.  She says she reads my blog and she recognized me from blogland.  Little old me.   I got recognized from blogland.  

She was real nice and sweet and said some real nice things about me.
She remembered Caden from my mashed potato story and she made me feel real special.

I assume this is what movie stars feel like.
I'm not really sure.
But, it felt amazing.

Shout out to Jess!

Jenn?  No.  Jess.  I'm almost certain her name was Jess.  Crap.  I hope I'm not wrong.  Maybe I'm a terrible blogger after all.  At any rate, I threatened her and made her become a follower so she better follow soon and then I'll know her name for sure.    

Shout out to mystery blog stalker.  Thanks for making my entire day.    
You're the best.

My Testimony.

Disclaimer:  Two posts about church in a row, I apologize.  I don't plan to make this a "churchy" blog.  This is really just for me, personally.  I want to document my beliefs as I go on this journey to finding out more about God.   If you don't want to read these posts, I won't be mad.    But, for the sake of my feelings, don't comment something that is going to be rude.  These are my beliefs, no one elses.  I'm not here to start a political or religious debate.  I just want to blog for me.    kthanksbye.
 -------------------------

My testimony isn't strong.
I don't KNOW for certain much of anything.

I don't know that the LDS church is the only true church.
I don't know that Joseph Smith was a prophet.
I don't know that President Monson is the current prophet.
I don't know that there are different kingdoms.
I don't know what heaven will be like.

But, I do know that I like the foundation of the church.

I like the impact it has on a persons life.
I love how close you become with your neighbors.
I love the emphasis and importance it places on your family.

I love the goals and morals it helps you to strive for.

I love the lifestyle it creates.
I love the idea of good and clean fun.
I love the idea of helping one another.
I love the idea of striving for excellence.
I love the idea of prayer, as a family and individually.

There are several things I'm not certain of.  There are several things I question.  But the idea of the church makes me excited to have children. It makes me excited to start a family. It motivates me to live a clean life and be a better person.

...and that makes me super happy.

Church.

I was born into the church.  I was blessed as a baby and I was baptized when I was eight.   I didn't know or understand much about the church, except that I believed in God and prayer.   I went to church randomly, when I wanted to spend time with my friends.  We would sit in the back of the chapel and sing the hymns in our most funny voice.  We'd pass notes during sacrament and I don't ever remember paying attention to much of anything. 

I never attended church regularly, but I was fascinated with the religion.  I enrolled in seminary and attended faithfully all three years.   I loved how it made me feel and I loved learning.  I didn't believe some things that were taught, but I loved how happy and upbeat everyone was in the seminary building.  Maybe they were pretending. Maybe it was all for show.  But either way, I loved the feeling I got from being there.

As I grew up and got older, I experienced life.   I partied. I drank.  I dated all the wrong kinds of boys.  I swore.  I lied.  I did things that made me feel cool and made me feel like a rebel.  I snuck out.  I stole my mom's car.  I got a tattoo.  I pierced my nose. I pierced my belly button.  I explored every aspect of my life and was willing to try almost anything once.  I don't regret anything I did and I learned from every experience I had.   I'm not a naive girl.  I'm not innocent.  I'm not pure and I'm not churchy.

Church has always been a touchy subject for me.  I don't really know what I believe, besides that I'm a child of God.  I don't know what's going to happen when I die, except that I'll be in heaven with my family.  I don't know the rules. I don't know what is required of me.  All I know is that God loves me and he wants me to be happy.    I know that I'm going to be with my family, each and every one of them.   I know that I'm going to love heaven and I better be able to fly.  Other than that, there isn't much I do know.

Maybe it's time I explore more about the church. 

I've been praying and I've been asking questions.  I've been wondering what is right for me and where I should go with my life.   I've always been a girl of dreams and goals.  I've always needed a plan for me to achieve.  I've always been a list maker and an achiever.   I've achieved academically and I've achieved financially.   Maybe now it's time I achieve spiritually.

Maybe it's time I get my questions answered. 

Maybe I listen to what people have to say.

Maybe I open my mind to the possibilities.

Maybe I talk to God.

...and maybe he listens.

H E L P.

I feel like crying.

You all posted some of the nicest and sweetest comments on my last blog.
So inspiration and so uplifting.   I read them over and over and over.

Then, blogger wasn't working for a solid day and a half.  
I kept getting an error message everytime I tried to load it.

Now, blogger is back but my church post is missing, along with all the comments.   What happened? Where did it go?   And how do I get it all back?

Update: It's back!  But, all your comments are missing...    Thanks for all the real nice things you all said.  Could you say them again, please?    Ha.  Jokes.    Kinda. 

Metaphorically Speaking.

Sometimes when I drive I think of random metaphors and I think "that would be good for a blog" and I make a mental note.    Today was one of those days and now I feel like my mind is bursting with super great metaphors and eventually it's going to explode like a firework and all these tiny little metaphors are going to escape.   

Metaphor about metaphors, nice.

On an unrelated note: Caden and I had Maple Gardens today.   Maple Gardens with my Caden on a rainy day.  Can it be any better?  I seriously doubt it.  

Longboarding.

Check me out.

I'm learning.

...slowly, but surely.

Work Shmork.

Welp, I just signed up for some extra shifts.
I'll be working full time this summer, for the first time in my life.

FULL TIME.

Ugh.    

But on the plus side, I'll be able to save lots of money for a sweet trip with my Caden.  
That's the plan, and I'm pretty excited about it.

Name Them One by One.

Sometimes I get so wrapped up in life, that I forget to count my blessings.   I forget to be grateful for all the amazing things that have gone right for me.   

I remember when I was working at the bank and I decided to enroll for my CNA class.  I remember being so nervous and wondering if I would even like helping people and changing diapers.

I remember being in the CNA class and learning about blood pressure and taking vital signs.  I remember the information being so difficult to understand and taking several notes just to grasp the concept.

I remember applying for CNA jobs and wondering what in the world I should be wearing.  Scrubs? Dress?  Something awesome?!

I remember getting the first CNA job I applied for, a gorgeous assisted living facility right by my house.

I remember visiting the hospital and being so jealous of the CNAs on the floor, wishing and hoping that was me.

I remember getting an interview at the hospital and being so dang nervous.  I remember my group interview and how geeky and silly I felt with my presentation they made me do.

I remember getting a phone call from McKay Dee while I was working at the assisted living facility and being offered the position for an entire dollar more than I was already making. 

I remember working at McKay Dee and applying for the Nursing program, hoping and praying to get in. 

I remember getting my acceptance letter and crying the entire day.   Calling all of my family and reading my letter, over and over again.

Now, here I am.   I've finished my first semester of the Nursing Program.  I'm working as a CNA at a hospital that I've always dreamt of working at.   I live at home with no bills and no rent.   I've accomplished all my goals and I'm well on my way to bigger and better things.   I can't believe how fast it's all happened.  I can't believe how far I've come.

...and I can't believe that I sometimes forget to count my blessings.

Summer Loving.

Boyfriend of the year should definitely be awarded to my Caden.

Hate to brag, but I'm gunna.

Today he took me on a picnic, played some softball, and longboarded.   

Yep.  He's the best.   

This I Promise You.

I'm not perfect and I'm not pure,
I don't have the remedy nor the cure.
I cannot change those parts of me,

What I have done is who I will be.

I'm not ashamed of the things that I did,
and I'm not afraid to uncover  my lid.
I'll tell you my tales and I'll show you me heart,
to see the entire me, and not just a part.
I'm not scared of what you will see,
You're going to love every part of me.

You know my goals and you know my desire,
You know my passion and you know my fire.
You know where I'm headed and where I want to be,
You see the same goals ahead that I see.

With you by my side, it's all within reach,

I'm willing to learn if you're willing to teach.

My head is clean and my heart is true,
All I need is a little help from you.

My Thoughts on Osama.

Update: Apparently, Martin Luther King didn't say this.  But, whoever did, I like it.

"I mourn the loss of thousands of precious lives, but I will not rejoice in the death of one, not even an enemy. Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that"