Calm and Possibly High.

1.5 weeks into LPN semester 2 and I'm just now studying.
Seems crazy but I'm not even stressed about it.

Maybe it's the fact that I'm burnt out on the study idea.

Maybe it's because I just want to be with Caden 100% of the time.

Maybe it's because our instructors are WAY better this semester.

Maybe it's because I'm lazy.

Whatever the reasoning may be, I'm not as into studying.
Last semester I was a wreck and stressed and panicking and crying.
Lots of crying.

This semester I feel calm, cool, collected.

I feel like it's totally doable and it's definitely not worth the stress.

Has someone been slipping marijuana into my sandwiches? 

These symptoms sound vaguely familiar.

Spreading the Word.

Cutest little Etsy shop in the world.

...and she's part of my family.   

I'm practically famous.

Visit her shop here.

Visit her daughter-in-laws blog here.
 ...who by the way, is equally as talented.

So, uhhhh.

Why didn't I get any of these crafting genes?

Stages of Dating.

Dating is a weird thing.

There are several stages of dating.  Here they are, as told by Callie:

First, the AH-HA stage.  This is when you have the "Eureka! I've found him!" thought.   The "Holy smokes.  Man of my dream just walked by." and you just are noticing how great and perfect and handsome he really is.  Obviously he is way too cute to talk to.  No way would he be interested in me, so you lay low and just admire from afar.

Second, the flirty stage.  He finally says the first word and you get wicked nervous butterflies.  You just smile and nod because you're way too afraid that whatever you say is going to come out completely ridiculous and off the wall.  So, you just look like a bafoon nodding and smiling and try so hard to take in every single word he says and store in in your memory for safe keeping.

Third, being aggressive.   You've managed to strike up a conversation that involves more than just nodding and smiling.  You have committed to words and you're making a little bit of sense, you hope.   And then the unthinkable happens, he asks for your number.  You're wildest dreams finally come true and you smile the entire ride home.  You send out a mass text to your friends: "He finally got my number!"

Fourth, the first date.   Holy smokes.  It's here.  The first date.  He's coming to your house and you have spent the entire day getting ready and preparing.  You've painted your nails, flossed your teeth 3 times, shampoo and condition twice, fluff your hair, change your outfit 5 times and checked EVERY mirror in the house.   You are so nervous that you sweat the entire date and hope that he doesn't notice.   You got nervous butterflies and you revert back to the "nod and smile" technique.

Fifth, boyfriend and girlfriend.   You've made it past the awkward.  You've made it past the sweating.  Now, you're comfortable.  You LOVE him and he LOVES you.  You've said it.  In fact, you say it often.  You wear sweats around one another and sometimes he catches you without any makeup.  You feel safe telling him embarrassing things and you do almost everything together.  You know that he is yours and he knows that you are his.   It's comfortable and it's fun and it's cozy.

Now, reader, there are more stages.

But--I'm not expert at these because I've never been here before.   

I've never felt the way I feel now.

I've now reached a stage where I absolutely can not picture my life without Caden in it.  I don't ever want to go a single day without seeing him.  I want to spend all of eternity with this boy.  I want to buy a house together, raise a family together, hold hands when we are 80.  I want to sleep next to him all night, even if it's just to hear him snore.  

I want him to be the one who greets me at alter.  I want him to be the one holding my hand as I am giving birth to our first child. I want him to be the one to help pick out a home.  I want him to be the man of my house.  I want him to be the one I come home to and I want him to be the one I run all my decisions by.  I want him to by my partner, my companion, my husband, my best friend.  

I don't ever want my life to be without Caden.   There is no doubt in my mind that he is my soul mate.  No question about it.  Every single day I think that I could not possibly love him any more than I already do, and then the very next day I fall even more in love.   

I've hit the "I'm so happy that I cry happy tears the entire way home," stage.   

I don't know what this stage is called, I don't have a name for it, 

...but I know that it's definitely the best stage of all.   

HB, Caden.

My Caden turned 22.

Annnd, I never blogged about it.  

Bad girlfriend.

We and his family went down south to see The Little Mermaid.

What a freakin' sweet play.    I love plays.   Win-Win.

If you have been following my blog long enough, you know that I love love love birthdays.   LOVE them.  I wanted to buy him 1000 presents.   One of everything.   Instead, I settled for just three small presents.   When I asked him what he wanted he told me: something comfy, something cute or something technological.   Welp, I got one of each.    

Something comfy: sweats from American Eagle.  He hates brand name things, but I figured I could hide the logo enough that he wouldn't know what/where it came from.  Sneaky.

Something technological: this fancy hydration pack.   He got the lime green one.   I think it's meant for hiking, but we both are not hiking.  Now it's a hydration pack for longboarding.  Way better.

Something cute:  A scrapbook, of course.   I like to scrapbook by month.   Here are just a few samples.   Obviously the picture quality sucks but I wanted you, reader, to have a little sample of how non-crafty/crafty I am.    

After the presents, we saw the play.  

Incredible.

Sebastian is Sadie.  Caden's little sister.  Always wanted a little sister and now I know why.  Because she is A D O R A B L E.    

Did I mention I love plays?

And I love my Caden?

...and that's all.

Cheers to 22 years.

And hooray for 88 more.

Mormon Message - Feeling Worthy.

Disclaimer:  I almost didn't post this because it's personal and it's close to my heart and it makes me feel super vulnerable.  But, I feel like I need to share so share I will.
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I'm stuck somewhere in the middle.
...and that's never a good place to be.

I know that I don't want to go back to the lifestyle that I had.  I know that I am better than that and I know that I want better than that.  I know that I want an eternal family and I want to live happily ever after with my Caden.  I know that I want a family that prays together.  I want to have a wonderful relationship with God.

What I don't know is, well, LOTS of things.   I don't have a strong testimony.  I don't KNOW that Joseph Smith was a prophet of God.  I don't KNOW that this church is the only true church.  I don't KNOW that there are three levels in the kingdom of heaven.  I don't KNOW a lot of things.   And because of that, I don't always feel worthy.   I don't feel like I'm a true mormon because I have a weak testimony.  

And because of that, I don't feel worthy of a lot of things.

When I think about them, it's obvious to me that I am, of course, worthy of them.  I deserve them.  I'm living a great life and it's obvious to me that I'm just as worthy as the next gal.   However, my initial response is "I can't have those things."  

Caden and I drove past the temple the other day, and he commented on how pretty it is.  My initial thought was that the temple was off limits.   Because it has been my whole entire life.   I never thought I would be a part of the temple.

Later in the week was the first night of school.  Caden got a blessing from his dad and asked me if I wanted one.  Again, my first thought was that I couldn't have one.   I didn't feel worthy enough.  I didn't feel like I deserved one.

Woah.   Talk about a terrible thing to think.

...and to type out loud.

This feeling was getting to me and bothering me.  I talked to Caden about it and he had the most wonderful words of love and encouragement.  He reminded me that Satan works in the worst of ways and Satan knows how to get to me.  Satan knows my weaknesses and he knows exactly how to break me down. 

Yeah, he totally does.

Caden filled me with all of the words that I needed to hear.   He reminded me that I am a Child of God and I am, infact, completely worthy of all of these things and so much more.  

I now know that I can be a part of something magical. 
I deserve to be. 
I can be. 
And I will be.

And that is a huge blessing.

Growing Girl.

School started today.

That means I'm going to be a nurse in four months.

N U R S E.

No longer am I a CNA.  

No longer a medtech.

No longer a shift supervisor.

No longer a bank teller.

No longer a cashier.

No longer a receptionist.

...no longer any other silly temporary job.

I'm into a career now in just four short months.

Scary as heck.

I'm growing up.

How in the world did that happen?

First. Second and Third.

School starts Monday, friends.
MONDAY.

I don't know if I'm excited or if I'm nervous as heck.
I may or may not be slightly manic-depressive.
...kidding.

Firstly, I am petrified that I'm going to be an awful nurse.  I can't remember the simpliest of things.  People call me and ask me for general type medical advice I never have any idea what to tell them.   "Uhhh, put ice on it and call the doctor."   That's usually my answer to anything.    Blood squirting out your eyeballs?  Put ice on it.   Teeth are falling out of your head?  Put ice on it.   You've got frost bite?  Put ice on it.     What in the world.

Secondly, how in the heavens am I going to juggle school and a boyfriend?   Plus, planning for a future together once I graduate.    Last semester I barely had time to brush my teeth.  Studying for 18 hours every day seemed way more important than taking a shower and preforming any sort of hygiene cares.   ...kidding.   Kinda.

Lastly, big girl decisions are the scariest decisions I've ever made in my life.  No longer is the decision "What are we going to do tonight?"  Now the decisions are "Where will we live?  What kind of house do we want?  Where will we raise our children?  What kind of career do I choose?  Should I put my retirement into stocks or bonds?"    I'm not grown up enough for these decisions.  Ugh.

Welp, cheers to the next year.

Hooray for big girl choices.

And prayers that I make all the right decisions.

Slides to Digital.

We have BOXES and BOXES of slides.   

These slides hold my sisters' childhood on them.

So, I decided to convert these slides to the digital world.
Some of them are SO funny.
Mullets and awful outfits and funny faces.

And, the best surprise of all, I found some pictures of my Dad.

Cute shorts, Dad.

Ohhhh, memory lane.

How I love photos.

Raining, pouring, snoring.

Did you see this lightning storm last night?
Holy smokes.

Cade and I just sat on his porch and watched it down pour.
H E A V E N L Y.

Love the rain.

Love the lightning.

Love the boyfriend.

Mormon Message - Answering Prayers

The other night I was saying my prayers and I had questions and concerns I wanted answered.   As I prayed and asked these things, one of my long-lost friends popped into my head at random.   I thought "Hmm, that's weird."  and I kept on praying.

The next morning, I remembered what happened during my prayer and I thought I better just text my friend and see what is going on and why he had popped into my brain.

I told him my goals and where I'm headed with my life.  I told him about Caden and all of our plans for the future.   He was so happy for us and had such amazing and incredible words of encouragement.   He had all the answers to my concerns and all the things I needed to hear.   He told me about his wife and his wife's story and testimony.  Turns out, his wife has a very similar story to me.  Coincidence?  I think not.

It's amazing, this prayer thing.
My prayers have been answered so many times and I can't believe it.
CAN NOT BELIEVE IT.  

God has brought incredible people into my life to help me along this journey.
And I feel like the luckiest girl in the world.  
The LUCKIEST.

Mormon Message - The Book of Mormon

Well, I've begun reading the Book of Mormon.

I probably should have done this long before I was baptized, but how can you really read and understand something when you're 8 years old.  

And, on an unrelated note, how can you be baptized into a religion at such a young age without knowing what you're making a promise to?   I'm not positive I love the idea of baptisms at 8, but I do love being baptized.  I wish I could be baptized right now, and forgiven of all my sins at 24.   That'd be pleasant.    :)

Woah, tangent.  
So, I'm reading the Book of Mormon and it's inspiring and encouraging to know these stories and these words that so often I've heard in my life.   "You remember the story of Nephi and his struggles..."  or "You remember in the book of Moroni...."   And I used to just nod and smile, "Yeah, of course I remember those stories."  But, no.  I had no idea.   And now I will, which is very new and exciting for me.

So, I'm starting new.   Book of Nephi, chapter 1.

Here we go.    

Now, reader, here is your chance.  What are some super great scriptures I should read?  What is your favorite book?  Where do you read your scriptures?  Do you have any great scripture reading tools I should invest in?  

Duck Pond.

Today we fed the ducks.
Tomorrow, who knows what kind of adventure we will have.

My niece, Kenlee.

Kenlee caught this with her bare hands.  
We saved it in a water bottle.

Also, my boyfriend is the cutest thing in the whole world.

That's all.

Stats.

Over 2,000 pageviews last month.  

TWO-THOUSAND.

That's incredible.

It blows my mind to think that people are actually reading about my life.

AND, even MORE weird, is that people I've never ever met are reading.

Thanks for being so great, you all.

I love blogland.

A Tour of the Warped.

...remind me to blog about the cabin.

Yesterday, Caden took me to Warped Tour.   

Heard of it?
It's this humongous concert with 5 or 6 different stages and 50 or so bands.  

For a girl like me, who has only been to maybe 3 concerts in her life and 2/3 were country, this concert was a big shell shock for me.  Never in my life have I seen so many angry people in one place.

People watching was a riot, though.  Holy smokes.   That place was full of all kinds of different people.  Some pretty, some not so pretty.    I saw lots of different piercings, tattoos, creative makeup ideas, loud clothing, and lots and lots and lots of swearing.    AND, I saw two fights break out.

I got stuck in a trap of sweaty, smelly, hot people and I could not move.   Luckily, Caden saved the day and we made a quick escape just short of a panic attack.  The girl next to me, however, was not so lucky.  She escaped with a black eye.   

Despite the angry people, the children with potty mouths, the smoking, the dehydration, the heat; I would say Warped Tour was a complete success.  Definitely.

All Caught Up.

I feel a million pounds lighter.
I finally caught up on all of your blogs.
...it took me a minute, and I didn't leave comments,
but I read them and I loved them.  
And now my blogland feels much more organized.  

I just need to write about my life for the past week or so,
and then I'll feel fully accomplished.  

Welcome Back.

I'm baaaack.

Caden and I just got back from St. George.
Another super fun trip to Tuachan.
We saw Little Mermaid and it was incredible.
Also, Caden turned 22.
What a big day. 

Cheers to 22 years, 

and booooo to our summer slowly drifting away.