I was born into the church. I was blessed as a baby and I was baptized when I was eight. I didn't know or understand much about the church, except that I believed in God and prayer. I went to church randomly, when I wanted to spend time with my friends. We would sit in the back of the chapel and sing the hymns in our most funny voice. We'd pass notes during sacrament and I don't ever remember paying attention to much of anything.
I never attended church regularly, but I was fascinated with the religion. I enrolled in seminary and attended faithfully all three years. I loved how it made me feel and I loved learning. I didn't believe some things that were taught, but I loved how happy and upbeat everyone was in the seminary building. Maybe they were pretending. Maybe it was all for show. But either way, I loved the feeling I got from being there.
As I grew up and got older, I experienced life. I partied. I drank. I dated all the wrong kinds of boys. I swore. I lied. I did things that made me feel cool and made me feel like a rebel. I snuck out. I stole my mom's car. I got a tattoo. I pierced my nose. I pierced my belly button. I explored every aspect of my life and was willing to try almost anything once. I don't regret anything I did and I learned from every experience I had. I'm not a naive girl. I'm not innocent. I'm not pure and I'm not churchy.
Church has always been a touchy subject for me. I don't really know what I believe, besides that I'm a child of God. I don't know what's going to happen when I die, except that I'll be in heaven with my family. I don't know the rules. I don't know what is required of me. All I know is that God loves me and he wants me to be happy. I know that I'm going to be with my family, each and every one of them. I know that I'm going to love heaven and I better be able to fly. Other than that, there isn't much I do know.
Maybe it's time I explore more about the church.
I've been praying and I've been asking questions. I've been wondering what is right for me and where I should go with my life. I've always been a girl of dreams and goals. I've always needed a plan for me to achieve. I've always been a list maker and an achiever. I've achieved academically and I've achieved financially. Maybe now it's time I achieve spiritually.
Maybe it's time I get my questions answered.
I never attended church regularly, but I was fascinated with the religion. I enrolled in seminary and attended faithfully all three years. I loved how it made me feel and I loved learning. I didn't believe some things that were taught, but I loved how happy and upbeat everyone was in the seminary building. Maybe they were pretending. Maybe it was all for show. But either way, I loved the feeling I got from being there.
As I grew up and got older, I experienced life. I partied. I drank. I dated all the wrong kinds of boys. I swore. I lied. I did things that made me feel cool and made me feel like a rebel. I snuck out. I stole my mom's car. I got a tattoo. I pierced my nose. I pierced my belly button. I explored every aspect of my life and was willing to try almost anything once. I don't regret anything I did and I learned from every experience I had. I'm not a naive girl. I'm not innocent. I'm not pure and I'm not churchy.
Church has always been a touchy subject for me. I don't really know what I believe, besides that I'm a child of God. I don't know what's going to happen when I die, except that I'll be in heaven with my family. I don't know the rules. I don't know what is required of me. All I know is that God loves me and he wants me to be happy. I know that I'm going to be with my family, each and every one of them. I know that I'm going to love heaven and I better be able to fly. Other than that, there isn't much I do know.
Maybe it's time I explore more about the church.
I've been praying and I've been asking questions. I've been wondering what is right for me and where I should go with my life. I've always been a girl of dreams and goals. I've always needed a plan for me to achieve. I've always been a list maker and an achiever. I've achieved academically and I've achieved financially. Maybe now it's time I achieve spiritually.
Maybe it's time I get my questions answered.
Maybe I listen to what people have to say.
Maybe I open my mind to the possibilities.
Maybe I talk to God.
...and maybe he listens. Maybe I talk to God.
5 comments:
you have such a sweet testimony, callie. you are wonderful, and i have always thought that. thank you for writing this. :)
I love it! Nothing makes me happier than people taking the time and figuring things out on their own. It's so admirable instead of just going with whatever crowd. I KNOW that God speaks to us. Sometimes all we have to do is ask and then really listen. Good luck on this journey Callie! :)
Callie, I was born into the church, blessed as a baby, and baptized the day of my eight birthday. I too went randomly until my father stopped going completely. He was the smartest man I knew, so if he stopped going that meant it wasn't true. I was so wrong. I drank, I did drugs, I stole cars, I went to jail, I got put on probation, I went to jail again, etc etc etc. On October 15, 2010 my big brother, Cody, died of an accidental overdose. Xanex and alcohol, you're studying to be a nurse so I'm sure you know it's a deadly combo. My world was shook upside down. I was depressed, I continued to use, and I contemplated suicide. A few months I said a prayer and it felt as if somebody put a warm blanket around me. I started going to church, you know how you say attending institute made you feel good, well it did the same to me, it's called feeling the spirit. I do not say these words lightly, I am happier than I have EVER been. I still get confused and have doubts about certain things, but time after time I get the answers to my questions. I am amazed at how I'm doing and who I am today. It's the most exhilarating feeling I have ever felt..It's a better high than any drugs ever gave me. Six months ago I wanted to be pinched because my life was a nightmare..now I want to be pinched because my life is a dream. Good luck, I have no doubt in my mind that you'll find what you're looking for. (sorry for the novel)
I grew up in a small town in the midwest, where church was a big deal. I didn't fit into the churchy-ness, and wasn't very well accepted, which turned me away from religion, not completely away, but enough.
Then just this year, I heard the song "heart like mine" by Miranda Lambert, and I broke down in tears. I finally figured out exactly what God and religion meant to me.
I've realized that everyone has their own interpretations and expectations, and it's okay if I don't fall into that. I don't have to be perfect, or churchy, or pure. To me, God is forgiving, unconditionally loving, and "...I bet he'd understand a heart like mine..."
But hey, that's just me :)
Miss Callie your openmindedness about life is refreshing. I think it fits your personality to explore more about church, and I'm excited to see what you find out and decide to do! I know the gospel makes me happpy :) Keep us posted!
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