Some people are all about love. Always searching for it, talking about, sharing their experiences. Others are afraid of it, scared of it, worry about it.
I'm the latter.
Love scares me. It worries me.
Of course I would love to be in love. It's an amazing feeling once I'm there, but makes me wicked nervous and insecure. I get afraid that at any moment he could leave, he could cheat, he could lie. I'm trusting him with my entire heart not to hurt me and at any moment he could.
Love scares me.
I read blogs and stories about woman who are 100% about love and marriage. 100% about finding "the one" and how happy he makes them. Which is awesome. I admire them for having such passion and dedication towards their relationship, and I wish more people were 100% invested in love.
But my life hasn't been that way. My experiences has lead me to believe that love is scary, and not always safe. Love can hurt and leave you left alone. I've been burned too many times, I've seen too many of my family and friends burned. I've conditioned myself to focus my attention on other things, other desires, other passions. Other things than love.
Maybe I'm messed up.
Maybe I need a therapist.
But for now, this works for me.
And that's okay--in my mind.
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