I lived a life and I had a ton of fun doing it.
But, now I want a clean slate. I want to start fresh.
I want to be the clean and pure girl that I once was.
When I go to church, I feel like a poser for being there. I've been told a million times that church is for sinners, but I still feel like I'm trying to pretend when I know, in the back of my mind, that I have a lot of baggage I need to clear up with God.
And I've been avoiding it and I've been dreading it, but eventually I need to confess it all. I just am going to lay it on the line like a big fat projectile vomit.
"Here is what I've done, here is what I've done about it, here is where my life is now, and here is the direction I would like it to go.
Now, tell me how to get there."
Now, tell me how to get there."
Of course, it's not going to be easy. Of course, I'm going to feel guilty and I'm going to worry. And, up until now, I felt huge anxiety about it. But then, I was listening to my Sunday Funday Mix and heard the best lyrics. "It's not about your scars, it's all about your heart."
It's not about where I've come from, or the things that I've done.
It's now about where my life is headed BECAUSE of those things. It's where my direction is and the things I've learned. It's about my goals and my future.
And my goals are pretty dang exciting.
5 comments:
Today in sacrament meeting an older gentleman stood up and bore his testimony that was just so sweet. He shared the fortune he found in his fortune cookie this weekend and I knew I had to share it with you.
"Saints are the sinners who keep on trying."
Pretty cute, I think!
I'm way proud of you callie. You have incredible goals, and i'm just absolutely thrilled and privileged that you're letting me be a part of them. You have a gigantic heart of gold and I absolutely love every little thing about you. thanks for exceeding my expectations for the"girl of my dreams" role that you do so well. Muah!
Callie- We don't really know each other, but I love reading your honest, genuine blog. I like that quote too, and even though I don't know you, I can tell you have a good heart. Always remember that you are trying to improve for yourself and Heavenly Father, and ignore those who would judge!
Libby--thank you. You've been such a big support for me through this entire transformation and I LOVE your words of encouragment.
Princess E--thank you! That's exceptionally sweet coming from someone who hasn't met me. Thanks for seeing my heart and your kind words. :)
Caden--thank you for being SO absolutely perfect in every way. You are my world and my entire everything. I love you so so much.
Callie, Callie. Callie
Quit being so hard on yourself. There is nothing you have done in your life that is that terrible. Look at the things that are most important in life #1 how we treat others! How do measure up to that one? You are so kind and so genuine, always reaching out to help and never judging. I know God smiles down on you everytime you help someone. When you need to be reminded read your blog about your patients.
Love,
Mom
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