Under Construction.

Don't judge me right now.
I'm working a new layout.
...it's obviously not done yet.

New Friends.

Ahhh, these new nursing blogs I've found have made me melty.
I am not alone in the big scary medical world.

Hey new friends, thanks for being stalker-able.

Wanna' know why I'm super scared to be a nurse?

Because I'm not very smart.  
I'm book smart, but definitely not common sense smart.


Let me give you an example:
I was snow blowing the driveway the other day and almost chopped off my fingers.   Blower got jammed so I stuck my hand inside by reflex.   Felt the blade, said a few swear words, threw my glove off and thanked my lucky stars that my fingers were still there.   

Ugh. 

How am I going to survive nursing school if I can't even plow the driveway?

Positive Polly.

Kaleena says: Change your Thoughts and Change your World.

Agreed.

So, I spent the day doing everything that makes me happy.  
I re-organized my closet, I cleaned my car, I went to Starbucks and got my favorite coffee, I went to Maple Gardens for ham fried rice, and I went tanning.   

Feeling better, but still a little under the weather.

So, I wrote a letter to my stepdad.  Ex-stepdad.

All the sudden, I feel better.

Too much anger was building in my heart.
And a heart is no place for anger.

So, I've turned over a new leaf.

No more sad.

Toodles, blues. 
See you next year.

Grumpy Goose.

I'm grumpy today.
I feel like at any second I could start crying at the drop of a hat.  I'm not sure what happened or what's making me feel this yucky funk, but I definitely don't like it.

My feelings of trust and closeness is getting more and more bizarre and weird.  Not only am I afraid of love and commitment, I'm now afraid of my family members being in love.  

Whiskey. Tango. Foxtrot. 

Also, I have diagnosed myself with autism.  Looking people in the eyes makes me wicked uncomfortable.  Lights and sounds are way to loud and much too bright.  I don't want to talk to people. I don't want to touch people.  And I just want to be alone for majority of the day.   Autism or depression.  You decide.   I'm rooting for autism.

On a brighter note, I've done loads of boarding and can now spin down the mountain and go off boxes.  Yep, I'm a pro.    Before you know it, I'll have pictures of me and Sean White all over my blog. 

Ho. Ho. Ho.

Uhhh, where did Burlesque go
and why isn't in theaters anymore? 

On a happier note, Happy Christmas ya'll.

I'm totally ready for Nursing School, thanks to Santa.

I Need Therapy.

I need a therapist, of some sort.
I've got serious problems when it comes to relationships.
Not even love relationships.  Even my friend situations are messed up.

The minute I feel like someone is coming too close, I pull away.
I don't like people trying to step into my bubble.
It makes me feel super awkward.

I made the comment today that I hate making small talk, because I don't like people to know about my personal life.   After I said it I thought, "Yep, I definitely have some serious issues." 

It's obvious why I don't let people in.
But, how do you overcome something like this? 

Therapy session for 1, thanks.

Mashed Potatoes and Gravy.

There is this fellow that delivers all the room trays to my patients.  He's yummy and we flirt.  I have no idea what his name is, or when I will see him next.  But today, he was there a bunch.  

I asked him to bring some mashed potatoes and gravy up on his next run, for me.  He laughed and said he would see what he could do.   The more trays he brought, the less mashed potatoes and gravy I saw.   So we teased some more and did all the silly immature elementary things you do when you flirt.   Awesome.

Well, 8:30 rolls around and this time a girl brings the trays.  She asks who Callie is and I say "That's me."   Then, she hands me mashed potatoes and gravy.

This mystery boy paid for my mashed potatoes and gravy 

and had them sent up to my floor.

Made me melty.
What a sweetheart.

Only downfall: he didn't leave his name or number.  A smart dude would have written "Jake 801-555-5559" on the styrofoam cup.   Duh.   

Surving Nursing School, by Estelle.

Estelle,

Thank you for this.  

Just what the doctor (or Nurse) ordered.

xoxo

Orientation, day #1.

I had my nursing orientation today.
I cried tears of joy the whole way home.

This is happening for me, and I'm super stoked.

Remember how I thought I was so behind
and wasted so much time and
blah, blah, blah? 

Turns out that I'm one of the youngest in my class. 

Welp, that was a big shocker.

These people have marriages, and kids, and other degrees.   And here I am, feeling like I'm a little younging again instead of 100 years old.   Such great news.

More great news, I got a scholarship.

They are practically paying me to go to school.

Ohhh man, things are working out.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'll be over here counting my blessings.

Free Hugs.

This is my one goal for the year.
My "new year's resolution", if you will.

I'm going to make one of these signs

and stand somewhere crowded

and I'm going to hug people all day long.  

Ahhh, I love this video.
I've probably seen it a million times.
...and I cry every single time.

Watch it, I dare you.

Who Should I Read?

Reader, I need your help.

I'm needing some new blogs to follow.
I want something witty, and humerous, and random.
Something similiar to Just Add Kaleena.
...who, by the way, I love.

kthanksbye.

Improving.

From THIS

 

to THIS.

 

Ahhhh, new phones.

Heart Burn and Sidekicks.

I don't even feel a little bit good right now.
Heart burn or panic attack, you decide.

I have about 5 phones at my house that all work mediocre-ly.  Some don't hold a charge, one has a touch screen shortage, some don't have buttons that work right.  You get the idea.    So, I've just been switching them out weekly or monthly, until I can't stand the problem any longer and I trade it for a new problem.

Welp, I'm down to the last phone that works.  The other 4 have officially given up.  So, I'm back to the Sidekick 1 that I had in highschool.  It's super large and in charge and definitely very ghetto. 

I'll be at T-Mobile in the morning.
Maybe I'll see you there.  Bring the tums.

L O V E.

Love is a crazy thing.

Some people are all about love.  Always searching for it, talking about, sharing their experiences. Others are afraid of it, scared of it, worry about it.  

I'm the latter.

Love scares me.  It worries me. 
Of course I would love to be in love.  It's an amazing feeling once I'm there, but makes me wicked nervous and insecure.  I get afraid that at any moment he could leave, he could cheat, he could lie.  I'm trusting him with my entire heart not to hurt me and at any moment he could.   

Love scares me.

I read blogs and stories about woman who are 100% about love and marriage.   100% about finding "the one" and how happy he makes them.    Which is awesome.  I admire them for having such passion and dedication towards their relationship, and I wish more people were 100% invested in love.

But my life hasn't been that way.  My experiences has lead me to believe that love is scary, and not always safe.  Love can hurt and leave you left alone.  I've been burned too many times, I've seen too many of my family and friends burned.  I've conditioned myself to focus my attention on other things, other desires, other passions.  Other things than love.

Maybe I'm messed up.
Maybe I need a therapist.

But for now, this works for me.
And that's okay--in my mind.

Count Down.

Nursing school starts in three weeks.

Read this story and am shitting bricks. 
Am I ready for this?!

Debbie Downer.

Friends, thanks for all your kind words and motivation to keep on trucking.   My mom is seriously super hero and each day she impresses me more and more.    My family is one of a kind.  Instead of falling apart during crisis, we fall even closer together.  I couldn't imagine us getting any closer before, but this has definitely made that happen.   I'm oober grateful.

I haven't really grieved or cried about the situation and what's going on.   And maybe I won't.   If you've read my blog long enough, you know that I don't really grieve.  I pull together, I go into auto pilot, and I get through.

So if I seem anti-social, anti-blog, anti-facebook, it's because of this entire ordeal.     ...or because I'm snowboarding, which seems to be super helpful.

Ahhhh, snowboarding.  
Why have I gone so long without you for so many years?

Blogging Downer.

Do you ever feel like you have one person who reads your blog, just to stab and dig at all your flaws? Just to comment and say things to bring you down?

I have one of those readers.
And it's making me like blogging less and less.

The "D" Word.

I have trust issues with men.
I have my entire life.

And just when I feel comfortable and start to trust someone, something happens that makes me scared and run away and again.  Which then makes my trust issues even more severe.

My mom has been divorced twice.
...and now she's going through her third.

And I can't even imagine all the pain she has gone through, all the embarrassment, all the rumors, all the stories, all the trials, and all the forgiving that she's done.  She has been through a drug addict, an alcoholic and a cheater, and she's stuck by for it all.  She's given all three of her marriages 100% and then some, but eventually you have to stand your ground and say enough is enough.

And this time, it's enough.

My mom is incredibly strong.  She stands her ground and she doesn't let anyone tell her how to feel, what to do, or when to do it until she is ready.  And she's ready. 

She's ready to let go.  She's ready to stand up to the embarrassment and pain.  She's ready to be solo and I couldn't be more proud.

She makes me believe every single day that a woman doesn't need a man.  A woman is just as strong solo as she is in a pair.  And that is incredibly inspiring.

Following the Leader.

Welcome, TheSinglesWard.
Super great to have you here.