Never have I disliked my job as an aide. I think it's so rewarding and the things I'm able to see, do, and learn is such an incredible experience. However, all the sudden I have this incredible amount of...anger or remorse or animosity or...something.
I can't tell if I need a swift kick in the butt while someone yells at me to get off my high horse. Or, if I need to take a stand and realize that I am allowed to feel this way and I shouldn't have to work as an aide anymore after the amount of work I've put in to being a nurse.
When I'm at work and a nurse floats to our floor and asks a question that I know the answer to, I feel angry. When a nurse walks out of a room and tells me to fill their water so they can go pass meds, I feel angry. I feel mad about doing CNA work and I shouldn't.
I'm an aide. That's my job. I know that.
...but my knowledge is so beyond CNA work and it's incredibly frustrating that I can't put that to use. Every time I come to work, my ego is smashed. I feel inadequate and incompetent. And, if you know me at all, you know that that is the worst feeling I can feel.
I'm stuck in limbo. I graduate as an RN in 21 days. I finish my interniship in 6 days. And, until those things are done, I'm not able to progress into a nurse. It's too late to work as an LPN and it's too early to work as an RN. So, here I am stuck as an aide.
And I need to swallow my pride and work as the best aide I can possibly be.
...I just need a little encouragement.
No comments:
Post a Comment