3 0 0.

Post #300.

What a great way

to end the year.

2009.

My year, in review.

January 2009: I was basically living with Josh. Wanted to buy a house. Pretending to be a wife. Loving every minute of it.


Febraury 2009: I learned about the crock pot. Valentines Day. Started playing Soccer. I cut my hair.


March 2009: I turned 22. Started my hair on fire. Signed up for my CNA class. Ready to conquer the world with my nursing skills.


April 2009: Things fell apart. I broke up with Josh and cried about it for months. I finally saw Britney Spears. I made my 100th post. And Sam and I danced in some foam at WSU.


May 2009: Found myself through school and learning. Went on my first date since the breakup. Started my Anatomy class. Met Dane Cook. Studied, studied and more studied.


June 2009: Got on the honor roll at Weber. Went to a cocktail party with my BFFs. Went to Bear Lake for a toga party, and met Sean.


July 2009: Cut my Hair. Camping in Bear Lake for the 4th with Sean. Tried out for the Bachelor. Sean said the L word. Freaked out and then Fell in Love.


August 2009: Girls night out in Park City. Got a B+ in Anatomy. Quit America First and finally started my CNA life at Mountain Ridge.


September 2009: Cut my Hair. Fell out of Love. Stayed up for 43 hours. Had a tooth pulled. Went Ice Skating, Wakeboarding, and Rock Climbing with Alex.


October 2009: Went on my first trip to Wendover where I lost 100.00. Became a burnette. Drank a little, dressed up a little, and crawled my way around Salt Lake City at Crawl-o-Ween.


November 2009: Blog Anniversary. Kicked some serious ass in Physiology. Dyed my Hair again. Had a sudden memory of my Dad. Ate my face off on Thanksgiving.


December 2009: Had some blog drama, solved some blog drama. Met MBP. Fell in love, with my job. Did some snowboarding, some sledding, and some more snowboarding. Cut my Hair for the 6th time this year. Gave some presents, got some presents, spent time with my family.

All-in-all, it's been an incredible year.

Some great times, some not so great times.

But, I found who I really am and what I really want.

and I'm really excited to start the next year off with a big fat bang.

Bobsled Time.

Who goes night sledding at 10pm?
Yep, me. I do.

That's how much I L O V E sledding.

Sometimes I Write Songs.

My friend, Carl, writes music.
He needed some help and it turned into a fun game.

He told me to use "desert at night" in a poem.
Alone and quiet, serenity and peace,
The stars above and the way that they tease.
Nothing around, just a fire and me,
Nothing to do but wonder and see.
The sand in my toes and the wind in my hair,
Nothing on my mind, not a worry or care.
The desert at night, so quiet and alone,
Serenity and peace, the place I call home.

Then he gave me "hole in my pocket" to use.
I work hard for my money, slaving all day.
Try not to spend it, and I put it away.
Keep it in my pocket where it will be okay,
Try to save it up for a rainy day.
Yesterday was the day I needed it real bad,
Reached in my pocket and couldn't believe what I had.
A bunch of lint and dirt was laying in my hand,
The hole in my pocket left my money in the sand.

Cheesy, yet delicious.

Dr. Suess, here I come.

Real Quick.

I just love my job.
That's all.

Whiskey. Tango. Foxtrot.

Tonight was C R A Z Y.
...in every. single. way.

Nickelcade. Brewskis. Lighthouse.
Guitar Hero. Mortal Kombat and Street Fighter.
Gossip. Gossip and more Gossip.
Lap Dance. Heart to Heart and Broken Hearts.

and I'm still shaken up by it all.

Update.

I have this terrible fear of someone, anyone, hating me.

I don't like confrontation,
I don't like enemies, I don't like people not liking me.

I don't like not getting along,
I don't like mean things, I don't like fights.

I dislike hate and I dislike disliking.

So, I'm happy to report, Chloe and I are civil.

and I like it that way.
Ü

New Do.

.iT'S

THaT

TiME

AGaiN.

Christmas, in a nutshell.

C H R I S T M A S.

Here's the re-cap.

Worked a little. Went to my Grandma's. Went back home.
Had a slumber party with my two (...plus Tyana) sisters.

Normal families tell stories and read scriptures.
My family plays beer pong until 1am.

Little weird, little different, but I LOVE it.

Went to bed. Couldn't sleep. Too excited for Santa.
Woke the family up at 7, opened presents, ate some breakfast.
Did our yearly toast with champagne and orange juice.
Worked a little, got rated a 6 at MBP, went to a movie, went to Grandma's again.

Got a new (pink!) camera.
Some glasses from Cass and T.
Some pajamas from Candie.
Cute shirt from Grandma and Poppie.
$75.00 from iTunes from Grandma and Poppie.

And, a whole heap of love from my really, really great family.

Merry Christmas, ya'll.
xo

Your Input.

New Header.
Tell me your thoughts.

Words of Advice.

Don't let a wishbone grow,

where a backbone should be.

Mooooovie.

Is it lame to go by yourself to a movie?
...because that's all I really want to do today.

Don't judge me.

Three Things.

I wish I had some really great, really inspirational, really entertaining post.
...but, no such luck.

Just three things:

A) Went to the huka bar for Kalee's birthday.
Stabler rapped raggea style.
Never laughed so hard in my life.

B) Went snowboarding yesterday with Stabler and Sean. Thought I was about a 6 on a scale from 1-10. After two runs, I rated myself a 2. I really, really, really gotta' get better.

C) Both sisters are sleeping over Christmas Eve. ---EEEEK---
That hasn't happened in over 10 years.
Santa has a lot to pack in his bag this year.

That's all.


P.S. I'm awesome.

Making a List, Checking it Twice.

A- in Physiology? Check.
Nursing Application? Check.
WSU Leadership Application? Check.
Yoga and Snowboarding classes? Check.
Super excited about life in general? Double Check.

"List of your daily fruits and vegetables?"

"Check. Check."

[pause]

"...check for fruits, check for vegetables. Go on."

-----Name that show.

BFF.

You know those days when you sit and you think,

how much your life has changed in just a blink?

How everything has turned all around,

and your past is no where to be found.

But somehow things are according to plan,

Only missing some of your biggest fans.

Your friends have grown and gone their way,

And only in your hearts is where they stay.

The good times are fading, and time has past,

and worried how long the memories will last.

My friends have all drifted, and it's scary to me,

To be all alone and to see what I see.

Seeing everyone so happy, but so far away,

and seeing me here alone,

gone astray.

Powder Mountain.

I have the 19th, 21st, 26th, 28th and 30th off.

Which days would you

like to take me boarding?

More Great News.

Oh, Physiology. I needed a 93% on my final to get an A in the class.
I got a 94%.

(!!!!!!)

So happy.

Why I Still Live at Home.

In the kitchen, waiting for dinner. Dad is telling Mom a story.
Mom walks out on the deck, mid-story, to get the burgers.

Dad yells "Oh! It's only an important story if it's about MySpace."

Mom says "Honey, it's not called MySpace for the 100th time. It's also not called MyFace or FaceSpace. Get it right."

Love my parents.

Spell Check.

In my last post, do I say 'affect' or 'effect'?
I haven't learned the difference between the two.

Thanks, karma.

There's been a LOT of drama going on at my work.
Lots of shit-talking, and rumors, and lies,
and blah. blah. blah.

So, my boss calls me into her office this morning and immediately I'm afraid she's going to yell at me or ask me what people say about her and my heart starts to pound and my hands start to sweat.

And then she drops this bombshell:
"I know there is a lot of rumors going on, and a lot of drama. But, I wanted to thank you for staying out of it all, for not letting it affect the work that you do, and for always being positive. I'd like to offer you a Med Tech position and a raise."

Bow.Chicka.Wow.Wow.

So excited.

(!!!!!!)

Reasons I love Snow.

Driving along 40th street, cop is pulled over.
...helping an elderly lady shovel her drive way.

Tender.

I smiled the whole way home.

Snow brings out the best in people.

[Remember this story?]

Teams.

Interview in 15 minutes at McKay.

---EEEK---

Was told to prepare a two minute presentation on Team Work.

Here's what I came up with.

Team is defined as you plus a few,
Working together with one job to do.
Whether it’s making a basket or scoring a goal,
Each must do their part, keeping their hands full.
A team works together, a team gets things done.
A team makes the best of things, trying to have fun.
Being a team mate is an important part,
Team mates have a job right from the start.
She has a responsibility, a duty, a role,
She must pull her weight and not leave a hole.
Team work is crucial in any work place,
And important to keep working and keep up the pace.
When working alone a job can be hard,
It can seem complex and the goal is too far,
But with a team, the goal can be met,
And with a team, a new goal can be set.
Achieiving goals and making new,
Is what what teams are supposed to do.

Cheesy.
...yet, delicious.

Swinging from Past to Now.

I haven't been country dancing since Josh and I broke up.
That's where we met.

And where we spent every Wednesday night together.
...and toward the end , where a lot of our fighting began.

But last night, I went.

Guess enough time passed.
I was able to have a really, really, really great time.

Oh, how I've missed it.

LOVE.
LOVE.
LOVE.
Dancing.

Good to be back into the swing of things.

(Get it? Swing dancing.)

Har. Har. Har.

Celebrity Siting.

85% positive I met the boys from

Mormon Bachelor Pad last night.

Asked them, they denied it.

But, I'm almost positive it was them.

You Win.

Welp, I don't know if you've been reading my comments or not but..
I've got some serious [anonymous] haters.

Whiskey. Tango. Foxtrot.

I hate it and it makes blogging less fun.

I've taken down all the drama from Bear Lake
and deleted all the mean comments.

You win, Anonymous. You win.

Ring-a-ding-ding.

I cleaned out my jewelry box and found the ring Josh gave me,
put it on, and it's been on ever since.

It makes me happy.
Don't judge me.

Last night, though, I dreamt I got into a car accident and the ring got smashed and it was cutting my finger off of my hand.

Is this a sign that I should put the ring back into my jewelry box,

or just a silly coincidence?

Again, don't judge me.

Umph.

Ready to add some umph to my life.

WSU Student Government,
Yoga and Church.

...the baptist kind.

I'm needing some inspiration and positivity in my life.

This is my solution.

Mom's Birthday.

Today is my mom's birthday.

You know how people always think that
their mom is the best mom in the whole world?

Welp, it's actually MY mom who is the
best mom in the entire world.

She does anything for anyone, and never second guesses it.
She gives and gives and gives some more
and she never forgets to wear a smile.

I am the woman I am today because of my mom, because of the example she sets for me, because of her determination, because of her optimism, because she never gave up.

My mom is an incredible woman, a wonderful mother, a loving wife, a sweet grandmother, a best friend, a great sister.

Think of every wonderful adjective in the world and you'd be describing my mom.

And she carried me up our stairs until I was in the 7th grade.
...and she cleans my hair out of the shower drain.
...and she never throws away my bobby pins.
...even when I leave them all over the house.
...and she doesn't get upset when I ask what's for dinner.
...or when I assume she's cooking.
...and she comments nice things on my blog.
...and she lets me use all of the hot water in the entire house.
...and she shares her makeup with me.
...and she comes in on Saturday morning and lays with me on my bed.
...and she tells me I'm pretty when I'm really a wreck.

She's amazing, ya'll.
And I'm super lucky that she's mine.

Love you, Mom.
Happy Birthday.

Ho, Ho, Ho.

STILL doesn't feel like Christmas to me.
...so I changed my header in hopes of bringing the Christmas spirit.

Is it working?

Moving on Up.

I applied for a hospital job, same day surgery CNA.
Just got an E-mail back from them saying I'm still up for consideration and they will call me for an interview.

--EEEEEEK--

Keep your fingers crossed for me.
...this could mean free tuition in a year.

Scrambler.

Exhibit A:

Why I love the Scrambler at Lagoon.
...and Janelle.

Fishing with Dad.

Since my dad passed away 18 years ago, I've had no memory of him.
NONE. I remember nothing about him. Not his eyes, his smell, his voice, his mannerisms. Nothing. All I have is pictures.

...until 2 days ago.

I was studying in my room. It was about 1 in the morning. I was listening to my iPod, learning about the immune system. And suddenly, I remembered fishing.

I started seeing people, and chairs. I remembered a fishing pole I held that was pink. I remember sitting on rocks. I remember it being windy. And I remembered a man and a woman.

Immediately I assumed it was my cousin, Chris and his wife Kayleen. Seemed logical.
But the more that I thought, the less it made sense.

And that's when it hit me.
This memory was my dad. MY dad. MY father.
MY memory.

I remembered.

And my heart got full. And my eyes teared up. And I absorbed it all in.
..because I remembered my father.
and I'll never forget.

Where I've Been.

Welp, I'm at the library. My favorite place. LOVE it here.
LOVE.
LOVE.
LOVE.

Girl next to me is studying.
...in Scrubs.
...With the WSU logo on them.
She's a nursing student, I'm sure of it.
...Jealous.

and then I remember that I'm a tadpole, comparing myself to sharks (again) and I take a deep breath.

I've come a long way, and I need to remember to be proud of myself. I need to stop focusing so much on what I haven't done, and focus on the things that I have accomplished already.
Like the fact that:
I've finally picked a major that I love.
I've pulled my GPA up from a 2.9 to a 3.2.
...and still increasing each semester.
I've gotten B's in both Anatomy and Phsyiology.
[Two hardest classes in the Nursing field.]
I'm loving class, loving school, loving learning.

AND, I'm continuing to grow as a young woman, student, and person.
I'm doing great.
...and I'm proud.

Statistics.

Out of the 84 people in my phone,
only 15 are not married/in a relationship.
82% of the people I know have a significant other.

A) People need to stop hooking up.
B) I can't believe I just took the time to count that.
C) I need more friends, 84 is a sad number.

Chestnut Brown.

Something about this weather makes me want to dye my hair.

...so I did.

-again-

Waiting on Me.

Sometimes I wonder what life would be,

if I wasn't who I am--a different me.

If I had done things in a different way,

Give more in some areas or take things away.

If I stayed in relationships that I wanted to end,

if I were still close to my very best friends.

If I never moved out, or if I never moved back,

if I tried harder in the areas that I now lack.

Would I still be who I am today?

Would I still shine in the same way?

Would I be stronger, wiser, or better than now?

Would I change the way I know how?

Would I be just as great, or would I be even greater?

Would I get things done that I said I'd do later?

Would I worry less and try to do more?

Would I open a window where I closed a door?

Should I regret and think back to the past?

Or should I worry now on the times that will last?

Should I forget where I've been, and know where I'll be?

Should I let old self go and learn to be the new me?

Self-doubt is what I'm feeling, when I know that I'm great,

Just takes time realizing,

....and I'm too impatient to wait.

Physiology.

Just signed up to be a lab instructor for Physiology next semester.
...instant A if you register for my lab.

Right on Track.

Scored an 88% on my Physiology test.

:)

...that's all.

iPod.

Just deleted my entire library and iPod.
Thought maybe it was time to grow out of
my high school music. It's been 5 years.

Probably time to move on to bigger and better.
...like Miley Cyrus.

My Therapist: The Holiday.

Explain something:
Why do I keep going after something that I know I don't want?
...and when I give up and stop chasing, it comes back even better than before?

Iris, from The Holiday:
"I happen to know the answer to this. Because you're hoping you're wrong. And every time he does something that tells you he's no good, you ignore it. And every time he comes through and surprises you, he wins you over, and you lose that argument with yourself, that he's not for you."

Yes, exactly.

2008.

Josh #3's birthday today.
[Happy Birthday, Josh #3]

Went to his birthday bash after work and over hear some dudes talking about highschool and how they knew each other. One asked the other when he graduated. His reply: 08.

Uhhh, as in two-thousand and eight?!

Suddenly I felt like I was 100 years old and left immediately.
What a party-pooper.

O C D.

I don't know if you noticed or not, but my header is too big for the outline around it. It fits perfectly on the left side, then hangs over the edge on the right side.

Drives me NUTS.

Someone, please F I X it.

------------------------------------

Fixed it. Thanks, Mackenzie.

CNA story, #654.

Funny resident story:
CNA was helping resident to bed, asking about his dog.

She says "How old is Lucy?"
He says "How old are my feet?! ...about as old as I am, I guess."

Can't wait to be old.

Negatives of Blogging.

You know when..
you want to blog about all the terrible, horrible, silly, funny, great, random things that happen to you, but you're too afraid because you never know who reads your blog?

Yeah, me too.

I like my TV via DVD.

Someone please buy me the full series of Sex and the City.
..also, buy me some time to finish House, Season 4 and the Friends series.

Please,
and Thank You.

MBP: Crushing my Ego.

Uhhh, I may have just made a big

ego-crushing decision.

I agreed to having Mormon Bachelor Pad rate me.

Be prepared to tell me I'm pretty afterwards, this sounds pretty brutal.

Starbucks vs. Dane Cook.

When I'm reviewing my notes, I always know which days I got a Pumpkin Spice Latte' before class and which days I didn't.

Pumpkin Spice days have LOTS of notes and scribbles and fun facts all over my notes.

Non-Pumpkin Spice days are plain, which means those are the days I put my iPod on and listened to Dane Cook to keep me from falling asleep mid-lecture.

Thank Goodness for Starbucks.

B L O G.

Blog is a silly word, for something so wonderful and great.
..it should be called "twinkles" or "fluff" or something other than 'B L O G' because that sounds silly.

and Blogging is definitely NOT silly.

Birthdays, all around.

Today is my blog BIRTHDAY.
...Let's celebrate. Drinks on me!

[Except I have to work, so drinks are available at Mountain Ridge,

and none of them are alcoholic.]

Also, it's Josh's birthday. He's 25 today and he still makes me smile.

He's a charmer and a flirt and he always

knows what to say to make me weak in the knees.

...and I miss him.

Happy 25th birthday, you old man.

:)

Mathmatics.

Just did some math.
If my numbers are right, I can get C's on the next
two tests and still pull a B out of the class.

BoW-chiCKA-wOW-woW.

[Of course, I'll shoot for A's but it's good to know I have a safety net.]

Crawl-o-Ween.

Halloween is my F A V O R I T E.
This halloween my sisters and I were a part of Crawl-O-Ween.

Here is the story--
We went to Green Street in SLC, got a wrist band for $10.00 and then bar hopped for free for the next 5 hours. We had a tour guide to help us along the way, with a group of 30 other people dressed in their best halloween attire. Each bar gave us a prize, trick or treating for adults.

First stop: Cassies.

We took Trax to downtown.

Went to a couple bars.

Sang along at the Piano Bar.


...almost got into a fight with some drug dealers. Ate some breakfast. Pulled an all-nighter. Worked an 8 hour shift the next morning. Did some trick-or-treating at Mountain Ridge. Ate some chili. Went to bed at 8pm.


Had a B L A S T.

Gambling.

Physiology test, 50 questions.
7 of the missed questions I was torn between two answers.
7 of the missed questions, I picked the wrong answer.

I was torn 50/50 and
picked the WRONG answer 100% of the time.

Son of a...

This is why I don't gamble.

Just The Tip.

I apologize to you if I don't seem real eager

to jump into a forced, awkward intimate situation

that people like to call dating.

I don't like the feeling.
You're sitting there, you're wondering,

Do I have food on my face?

Am I eating?

Am I talking too much?

Are they talking enough?

Am I interested?

I'm not really interested. Should I play like I'm interested?

But I'm not that interested, but I think she might be interested.

But do I want to be interested? But now she's not interested.

So now, all of sudden I'm...I'm starting to get interested.

And when am I supposed to kiss her?

Do I have to wait for the door?

'Cause then it's awkward, it's like "Well, good night."

Do you do like the ass-out hug?

Where you like hug each other and the ass sticks out

because you're trying not to get too close.

Or do you go right in and just kiss 'em on the lips

or don't kiss 'em at all?

It's very difficult trying to read the situation

and all the while you're just really wondering,

"Are we gonna get hopped enough

to make some bad decisions?"

And perhaps play a little game called "Just the Tip"

just for a second, just to see how it feels.

Before meets After.

Check out my header.

...I'm pretty big time.

Brittany @ Plumage Photography did my pictures.

She only charges $50.00 for a SMOKIN' good deal.

Check her out.

I double-dog dare you.

Oops.

Uh, I have a blog?

...kinda forgot.

Ramble, Ramble, Ramble.

Sometimes, I wish I had a webcam so I could take a picture of exactly how I'm sitting.

Completely on my tail-bone. [Coccyx, if you'd like me to be a nurse.]

My feet are crossed and resting on top of the desk.

...more comfortable this way. Who would've thunk?

Secondly, pretty upset about Grey's Anatomy.
If they kill of Izzie Stephens, I'm refusing to watch the show.
[Probably not true, but I won't be happy about it.]

Have a resident who has a son who writes the script for Grey's.
I'm practically famous.

..also have a resident who owns Morgan Jewelers.
Trying to make him fall in love with me.

BORED of hearing about S W I N E flu. blah. blah. blah.

11:30. Class in AM. Can't sleep.

nor do i care.

..ramble, ramble, ramble.

P.S. It's Halloween. Got a slutty costume. Can't WAIT.

The New Me.

Sometimes I make rash decisions.

..and twenty-three minutes later,

I have this.

I'm a brunette.

Permagrin.

Not sure what it is about today,

but I woke up completely:

Happy.

Driven.

Motivated.

Stoked.

Excited.

Accomplished.

Like all the sudden everything just fit together and made sense.
I don't know why. I don't know how. I don't know what.
...it just did.

and I like it.

I love where my life is headed, where things are going. I love school, I love to learn. I love that I have found a career that I a d o r e. I am excited for the future. I am happy being single. I love who I am. I am proud of the things I've accomplished.

I'm excited.

and I'm real happy.

Jumping Rope.

There will be a bump and a bruise,

There will be alarms with a snooze.

There will be a path I'll have to choose,

There will be a win and a lose.

I gotta' hold my head up high,

and watch all the negative go by.

Won't ever be ashamed to cry,

I'll go ahead.

..because life is like a jump rope.

-Blue October

HB Cass.

I have a sister. Two of them. One is named Cassie.
She turns 28 today, and she's definitely 28 years worth of a great girl.
I love her to pieces, in every single way.

She laughs with me.

Laughs AT me.

Protects me.

Supports me.

Motivates me.

Drives me.

Inspires me.

She's an all-around great person.
And I love that she's my big sister.

I quit.

Welp, I dropped my Chemistry class.

..it was online, and difficult.

AND, I'm not motivated.

Feel much better about life.

BIG relief.

Wendover Bendover.

Last night, I went to Wendover.

HAD. a. BLAST.

Bet you couldn't guess that I'm down $100.00 in this picture.

...I don't even look mad about it.

Wanna know why?

Because I had a blast.

Definitely $100.00 worth of fun.

Bugs Me.

I get annoyed when people say some sort of "goodbye" in a text message.
It's really not necessary. If you stop texting me, I will know the conversation is over.

...just saying.

Don't Worry, Be Happy.

Sometimes I plan my life.
WAY. TOO. MUCH.

I over analyze, over think, over judge, worry, stress, play "what if".
..and usually it holds me back.

But, last night I didn't worry. I didn't think. I just did.

And it made me smile.

I do.

I'm afraid of marriage, no new news. But today, something happened that made me a tiny bit excited to have a husband.

Here's the story.
I'm sitting on the shuttle at WSU, jam packed full of people. The usual. Two guys are talking, I'm eavesdropping. I don't know what they are saying, but the one dude says:
"...next to marrying my wife, it's the best thing I've ever done."

Melted my heart.

Man, I wish wife were on the bus to hear that. Cutest thing ever. This dude thinks marrying his wife is the best thing he's ever done.
In his WHOLE. LIFE.
That's a big deal.

And for just a tiny second, a little minute, I wanted to be married.

Scardy Pants.

Lately I've been hanging out with people in the medical field, who want to be nurses and doctors and physical therapists. They are a little further than me in the program, taking little bit harder classes, and trying their best to scare the shit of out me.

I'm not so positive I can do these classes.
...I'm not that smart.
AND sometimes, I second guess myself.

I'm projecting, [what I do best] but I'M SCARED.

Tooth Hurty, part 2.

'member how I got my wisdom tooth pulled?
...think it's infected.

Gross.

Going to the dentist in 30. Can't wait.

Oops.

Sometimes blogging gets me into trouble.
...and that always makes me giggle.

Senior-itis.

You know when your about to graduate high school and
you get a serious case of senior-itis?

Welp, that's me. Right now. 'cept I'm not about to graduate high school OR college. I just have senior-itis for no apparent reason, and I'm not even a senior.

All I want to do is play. I think my classes are all ridiculous and I do them completely half ass. Luckily, I have a B in both. Should be about a D for the effort I'm putting into them. I really need to kick my ass in gear, really need to set the bar high. Really need to give it my all.

...maybe tomorrow.

What time is the dentist? Tooth Hurty.

Went to the dentist today for a filling. Dentist decided to pull a wisdom tooth. I knew I had to be to work at 2, but I remember last time going 4wheeling after my teeth were pulled and I thought this time would be the same.

Definitely. Not. The. Same.

My tooth was a real beast. Roots under another tooth. Turned all ski-wamp-ous.

Bad. News. Bears.

So, I called in sick to work. My face is the size of a softball. I have been popping loratab every 4 hours, and drooling because it hurts to swallow.

Son of a..

Open, Honest, True.

I'm not super open. I hide my feelings, I hide my past, and I don't let people see me hurt. I don't like to share, I don't like people to feel sorry for me, I don't like to make excuses and I don't like people to see me weak.

I make an excellent listener, and I've heard many sad, sad, sad stories. I've let people vent, I've tried to give advice. But when it's my turn, I close up. I don't like to share. I don't let people into my heart easy. Not even at all, sometimes.

So, when people find out about my story and they try to confront me or relate, I get annoyed. It bothers me. When people tell me that I'm strong for everything I've had to go through, it doesn't comfort me. I just want to avoid the conversation, I want to tell them that they surely don't know what I've been through, what I'm going through, or how I feel.

I want to tell them that I'm really not strong, and I break down, and I have bad days. I want to tell them that it's not their business, and that I'm not ready to share my life with them.

...but instead, I say nothing. Because, I'm not super open.

I Must Confess.

Rememer when I worked at AFCU and did nothing but blog ALL. DAY. LONG?
..times have changed.

Now, I work at Mountain Ridge. Night Shift. And I don't even have time to pee, let alone blog. I just go, go, go. And I love. love. love.

My job is incredible, and even more incredible when the most un-expected residents tell me how much they like me. The most grumpy, most difficult, most hard-to-work with. Makes my entire day.

There is a downfall. Since I have 0 time to blog, I deleted some of the friends I was following. I just can't keep up, and as much as I love reading styling tips, decorating tips, and domestic things-I need to be realistic and realize that I don't have a house to decorate. And if I did, I wouldn't know how the hell to do the things these bloggin' ladies do.

So, I deleted you.
Not permantely, I just don't follow you. Don't be mad.

Fall. Fall. Falling down.

Guys, it's fall.
..and I LOVE it.

43 hours, non-stop.

Last weekend was the most fun I've had in a LONG time.

Thursday night I worked 2-10. After, went to Sam's house for Beer Pong. We invited everyone in our phone, and almost all of them showed up. A great mix of people, everyone drinking and kicking ass at beer pong. I laughed, I joked.

I had a blast.

And I stayed up ALL. NIGHT. LONG.
Didn't sleep.
Not one wink.

Friday morning I spent the day with my little Kenlee. It was her birthday, we went shopping and to lunch. She had a little melt down, cried a little, and I could completely relate. All she wanted to do was sleep, and that's all I could think about.

After I took Kenlee back to her mom, I worked 2-10. Alex asked me to go to our co-workers birthday party with him, so round 2 of beer pong began. We ate salsa dip, played a few rounds of beer pong, and around 2am my body ran out of energy.

I went and went and went.
For 43 straight hours.
No naps, no rests, no sleep.

And I loved every minute of it.
Not worrying about boyfriends or drama. Just worrying about Callie and making her happy.

..and I did a damn good job.

Rain Drops Keep Falling on my Head.

I love the rain.
Probably my favorite thing about mother nature, even more than sun.

LOVE.
LOVE.
LOVE.

Little Elaine.

'Member my cute, sometimes grumpy, resident?

The one who was really sweet with me?
She passed away on Friday.

Poor thing.

Step 1..2..3

Before.

During.

After.

Freshman.

I don't understand this semester, or how to study. I've suddenly lost all my study habit skills and am completely un-motivated. I have only 2 classes, and one is online. [Which means I have to be dedicated and self-motivated, and clearly I'm not.]

I'm still adjusting to my new nightshift schedule and wondering when and how to study.
I feel like a freshman all over again.

Boring Blog.

I got my new sidekick, heavenly.

Got into Physiolgy and stoked.

That's all.

Boring blog.

Dating in the Dark.

Uhhh, have you WATCHED this!?

I don't know if I could do it, huge blow to the ego if the dude walked out the front door instead of met me on the deck.

These people are B R A V E.

Melting Heart.

We have this resident who I've only heard horror stories about. Supposedly she is bitchy and no one can get her to do anything, not even get her in pajamas. Well, I've worked with her the past three nights-in pajamas, in bed, with oxygen on. Three impossible tasks. Now, here is the kicker, last night she told me she is glad I'm around.

[Melts my heart.]

L O V E this job. Found my calling. I'm in heaven.

Couldn't be happier.

:)

P M S.

I'm PMSin' and don't give an E F F.

All this time I thought I was great at hiding my inner bitch, turns out I am indecisive, quiet and I have a "tone" when I'm bitchy. Huh, who would've thunk?

My Replacement.

Well, started me new job. LOVE IT.
..only downfall is I have 0000 time to blog.
[Read the confession booth in place of me, so entertaining.]

Baby-sitting.

This is how I babysit.
...twister and truth-or-dare.

2 0 0

Post number 2 0 0 !!!

[That's all.]

I'm Confused.

People tell me [often] that my blog is so real and I really share a lot about my life and they can't believe I dare blog about these things and yadda-yadda-yadda.

Well, what the eff are you supposed to blog about?

[Not that I'm offended that they say this, because I like my I-share-too-much-and-keep-it-real blog and really like when people read it, comment it, talk about it, tell me about it.]

Brandon.

Just got off the phone with step-brother, Brandon. He just graduated PA school, a 4 year degree in about 2 years. He is A M A Z I N G. He is incredibly inspiring, very dedicated, driven, and my little [240, 6'2] hero.

As we are talking, he is congratulating me on my Anatomy grade. Telling me that is the hardest class I will ever take. Describing what a big deal it was. And I just couldn't believe him. I am pleased with my B+, but it's not an A. [Is Brandon just trying to make me feel better, or am I just being hard on myself?]

The more I talk to him, the more I want to learn. He sets his goals so high and achieves every. single. one. He knows the sky is the limit and I love that about him. He loves school. He loves to learn. He knows how to do well and succeed and that is incredibly inspiring.

When I grow up, I want to be a Brandon.

She Doesn't Go To Church.

Yesterday my Aunt and her friend were talking in front of me. Friend was commenting on how cute I was, asked about school, congratulated me on my grades, and asked if I was married. She told my Aunt I should marry her son. My Aunt's immediate reaction was "Well, she doesn't go to church," and like that the conversation turned. "Oh, well that won't work then."

Not that I want to marry her son, because I'm really happy with Sean, but I'm annoyed that that's why I was turned away. No where was it mentioned that I was a christian, or I believed in God, or I said my prayers at night, or I treat everyone with love and respect, or that I'm accepting strive to help others.

I was turned away because I don't go to church.
Does this seem totally unrealistic to anyone else? Yes.
Do I really need to move out of the Mormon Bubble? Yes.

From AFCU to Mountain Ridge.

I will not miss: people asking for the latest coin, wearing tights, the damned dress code that I never seemed to get right, ksl, night drop and ATMs, the stench of BO when people rest their arms on my teller window, business deposits, and member financial meetings.

I will miss: Zach's inappropriate picture E-mails, friday morning treats, dance parties in drive-thru, old men that tell me I'm pretty, suckers, getting paid to blog, annnnnd my real funny co-workers.

Too-da-loo AFCU, on to bigger and better things.

Last Post about Anatomy.

B+ [!!!!!]

Pissed it's not an A.
Pleased it's not a C.

Grand Finale.

Anatomy final T O M O R R O W.

How do you know if you really studied well enough, or if you know all the material, or you won't forget everything once you click "start test"? You don't know. You just say your prayers, take a deep breathe and kick the ass out of the test.

Professor is giving 15 extra credit questions. If I do well, plus the 15, it will jump me from a B+ to an A. Pressure is on.

Bring it on, test.

Behold, the Sidekick.

Remember how I spent a lot of money on this phone?

..mostly because I had to have it, needed it, couldn' t live without it?

Welp, now I'm bored.

Now I have to have, can't live without, must purchase this phone.

[So what if I used to have a sidekick before my behold. This one is BETTER.]

Post about School #6564.

First things first, I've almost blogged 200 posts and haven't even had my blog a year. Obsessed much? I think so.

Fall semester starts August 24th and I'm still unsure of my class schedule. I originally registered for Chemisty, Nutrition and Physiology and then decided that was absolute suicide and dropped Physiology.

Later, I decided dropping physiology was a real dumb idea since I'm in anatomy right now and taking physiology the following semester would be MUCH easier than if I waited a semester.

So now I'm registered for Chemistry, Nutrition and Physiology's lab and hoping to get into physiology but it's currently full. Son of a... I e-mailed the professor, she is putting me on the waiting list that is "getting pretty full" but she said she'd do her best.

Cross your fingers that I get into the Physiology and I'll drop nutrition. Who needs nutrition anyway? Everyone knows I eat like a champ already.
[Don't act like leftover pizza isn't a breakfast of champions.]

Meeka.

Uh, I want a puppy.

..Meeka-style.

Hi. Can I play with you?

It's sort of a scary feeling when you take a step back and realize all your really great friends have all gone really different ways. I saw it coming and knew it would happen, but now that it's actually happening I'm a little freaked out. I feel like I need to start all over and find new friends who are more like me, like the same things I like, going the same places I'm going, doing the same things I'm doing. How in the world do you make new friends? If only it were like elementary days, "Hi. Can I play with you?"


On an un-related note, my most favorite thing in the world is when my words get twisted and I all the sudden look like the bad guy for something I, in fact, didn't say. Love high school drama.

Study Shmudy.

"I think you should learn, of course, and some days you must learn a great deal. But you should also have days when you allow what is already in you to swell up inside of you until it touches everything. And you can feel it inside you. If you never take time out to let that happen, then you just accumulate facts, and they begin to rattle around inside of you. You can make noise with them, but never really feel anything... It's hollow." ---From Here.

[I suddenly don't feel so guilty for not studying at work today.]

Big Thanks.

I read about, hear songs about, read poems about, see stories about those terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad days.
I hear about the terrible heart breaks, the days you just can't get out of bed, the days when you wish you could just disappear. I've heard about intense pain,
extreme hurt, gut-turning discomfort.
And you know what, I can not ever remember a time in my life when any of these things have happened to me. And I count my lucky stars. Of course, I've had bad days, and days where all I do is cry. I've had days where I just want to lay in my mom's arms and tell me everything will be okay. But in all honesty, I've been real, real, real, real lucky.

Thank you, god.

Countdown.

These next two weeks are going to be R E A L eventful.

I'm going to:
--study, study, study, study, and study some more.
--ace my final, piece of cake.
--finish my last week at America First.
--spend the weekend with Sean in Bear Lake.
Then, I'm going to start my new CNA job on the 17th.

Bow-Chicka-Wow-Wow.
I love when things just fall into place SO perfectly.

[I'm a damn lucky girl.]

Oh, the possibility.

Who says studying 24 chapters in one day is not possible?
Because in my mind, it totally is.

GNO in P A R K city.

Team effort decision: Girls Night out in Park City. Who knew it would be SO much fun?

Started of shopping on Main Street. Then back to our TINY hotel room, mom pitched a fit and we got a bigger room. CHA-CHING.

Swam a little.

[Braxton showed off his muscles.]

Back to our new and improved room, with a jacuzzi right in the middle of it all. Heavenly.

Went for an evening stoll.

Followed by a very serious dance party.

I wore my glasses all night, to hide my drunky pants. I'm so sneaky.

Seriously, the most fun I've had in a L O N G time. Just me and my fam, hanging out. Dancing our ass off.